


Gold Constellations

by Ghoul_FunGhoul



Series: Gold Constellations Series [1]
Category: Bandom, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Physical Abuse, Suicide Attempt, kellic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:23:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 50,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4465331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoul_FunGhoul/pseuds/Ghoul_FunGhoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, you know that I'm cold, black on constellations gold. And you know that your soul's black top under lacing won't let it go. It was all for you, all for you and more. He won't chase him anymore."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I didn't use warnings because I wasn't sure what all applied. Could be triggering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fall Asleep on the First I See

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I'd like to point out that I have no personal experience with abuse, but have used what I know through stories heard/read and research done to try to express characters' feelings and personalities. This is a work of fiction, and none of the events are based off real people or experiences. Also, I'm not from Chicago and have only been there twice, so it probably doesn't really feel set in Chicago. xoleighbird

KELLIN

I’m storming down the sidewalk, zipping up my jacket to protect myself against the Chicago winter. I wish I would’ve grabbed my coat before I ran out of Oli’s house. There’s no going back now. Just as I make it to the Monroe entrance, my phone rings in my pocket. Before I even look at the screen, I know it’s him. I shouldn’t answer it, but I do anyway.

“What?” I ask harshly.

“Kells, I’m sorry. Just come back, and I’ll make it up to you,” he’s pleading on the line.

“No, it’s too late for apologies!” I scream into my phone.

“Kellin, just come back home. It’s the middle of January. It’s too cold to be out,” Oli’s voice is tinged with anger.

“The _last_ place I want to be is in _your_ home, Oliver.” I pace back and forth near the subway entrance. Even though I’m not going back to Oli’s, I have no other place to go.

“I’m going to get lonely without you,” he exaggerates his words, making his accent thicker than usual. “You need to come back.”

“I hope I never see your fucking face again!” I end the call and think about throwing my phone to the ground, but I can’t. If it breaks, I’ll have no connections at all.

Maybe I should call Justin and ask if I can stay at his place tonight. I unlock my phone and find his contact. The call goes straight to voicemail. I sigh loudly and hang up.

“Damn,” I mumble. “Whatever.”

I jog down the stairs and slid my card over the sensor. As soon as I step off the last stair, the doors are closing. I can’t run over in enough time before it takes off. I let out a deep breath and lean over onto the wall. I take out my phone again and check the time. It’s 11:44, and the next train will be here shortly, I hope.

There’s only one other person down here, and it’s some tan kid with a guitar, singing songs in Spanish, so I don’t understand it at all. But he’s got an okay voice. It doesn’t bother me as I wait.

I feel crummy inside, like my heart’s been broken. I guess it has been for a while, I just chose to ignore it. Oli showered me in gifts when he could, but he also demanded so much from me in return. It wasn’t healthy, but when he looked down at me with those big, brown doe eyes and spoke to me in his beautiful British accent, I always melted.

I lost friends because of him. Jesse and Matty gave up on me after I refused to leave him. The only reason I did was because I was afraid Oli would go after them, and me, if I did. Justin and Jack only kept in contact because they weren’t the kind of people to enjoy change--and they were too lazy to block my number. Gabe let me hang out with him during the day when I wasn’t with Oli. He had the safest place for me to chill.

I gave up my job because he told me I didn’t need it if I was with him. My only work was to keep him happy, so I quit my terrible job at Starbucks and moved in to his apartment. But in keeping him happy, I soon lost my own joyfulness. Especially on his drunk nights.

I look down at my phone again and hear the train in the distance. I lean off the wall and reach into my back pocket for my wallet. Oli would never permit giving money to someone in the subway, definitely not with his money, but he’s not here to tell me no. So, I walk over to the guitarist and set a few ones down into his case and give him a small smile.

He nods his head and returns the smile, then gives me a questioning look. His curly hair is all over the place, and he doesn’t seem to be much older than me.

“Thank you so much,” he says, strumming his last chord. “What’s with the shiner, Mr.?”

“Quinn,” I reply, but I start to feel nervous. I can see the train now, my escape. “Kellin Quinn. It’s nothing,” I brush off the question. “I enjoyed listening.” As the train stops in front of me, I quickly ask out of courtesy, “Your name?”

He looks taken aback, but as I jump through the doors as they begin to close on me, I hear him shout, “Jaime!” The doors are shut, and I give him a small wave as I speed off into the night.

I take a seat with no one around. I plan to head to Belmont, then switch lines. I just want to be away from Oli’s home. If I never saw his face again, it’d still be too soon. I sit in silence and realize how tired I really am. I’m worn out and have been stretched too thin. And it’s not just today. It’s been for two years.

The first few months with him were great, so I thought. He’d bring home dinner some nights and make a full course meal other nights. Occasionally, there’d be flowers waiting for me when I woke up. We loved each other--or I loved him. He used me.

The relationship got worse, but the most sickening part was only these past few months. The past year, he’d start getting angry and take it out on things around the house. The first time he accidentally hit me, he apologized straight away. He took care of me. Things got better the week after that. I had hope again. I thought we were going to work out.

After the next accidental hit, he didn’t say sorry. He didn’t care. And after that, it was no longer an accident when he swung at me. When I showed up to the Starbucks I used to work at to meet with Jesse and Matty, they saw the bruises, no matter how I covered them up. I avoided their constant questions. When I refused to leave Oli, they gave up on me.

I stayed at Gabe’s more often, we had worked together for a couple years and were pretty good friends, but Oli always showed up to take me home. I tried to tell him we needed to split up, but every time I talked about something that wasn’t how great he was, I was ignored or belittled.

About a month ago, I tried to leave, I really did. He followed me out the door and begged me to stay. He said he loved me in front of the people walking on the sidewalk, so I went back inside only to be punished for causing him public embarrassment.

Earlier this evening was the final straw. I came home from the grocery store to be met by a furious, drunk Oli. He started screaming horrible things and calling me terrible names. He grabbed me by my shoulders and threw me to the ground. When I fell, I hit the side of the coffee table with my face. Everything seemed to feel really weird and in slow motion. He tried to pick me up, tell me I was okay and not to pass out. Once I was on my feet again, I ran out of the apartment and down the stairs.

The train starts to slow down again. I’m at Fullerton--one more stop. Nobody else gets on here, but I stand up and go to the doors anyway. As soon as they open, I’m out of the train, making my way to the Purple Line.

There’s actually quite a few people on this one. Must’ve been some sort of event tonight. None of the sections are completely empty, and there aren’t any seats that have no one by them. I think about standing and waiting for them to get off, but I’m so tired and need to sit. I just want to fall asleep.

I spot the least threatening looking person and sit down next to him. He’s small and tan, got long hair, and a baby face. He wears a jean jacket over a sweater and jeans and his nose is pierced, but he genuinely looks like a decent person. When I sit down, the guy across the aisle who looks like this guy but more intimidating raises an eyebrow at me.

The one I’m sitting next to must be his younger brother or nephew or cousin or something. I smile at the man across from me and then rest my head back on the window. Before I know it, I’m falling asleep on the train.

* * *

 

VIC

“Shit, shit, shit!” I yell. “Go, Mike, go! We _can’t_ be home late again. Mom will definitely kill us this time!” We run down the stairs at Howard, pushing our way through the crowd of people who also came from the game. We just make it in time to jump into the train.

We sit opposite each other, knowing that we’ve got quite a few stops before we make it to our own.

Mike lets out a long sigh and stretches across the aisle. “Man, that was a close call. We’ve got to get better at time management.”

“I would’ve been fine if you hadn’t been all over that girl,” I mumble.

“Excuse you, that girl is my girlfriend,” he teases. “I never get to see Alysha, you know that, Vic.”

“Yeah, yeah. Except you see her everyday at school.” I lean back in the seat until I’m all the way against the wall. I need to catch my breath after I ran with my brother.

I’m about to say something about how he needs to focus while he’s in school so that he can get into a good college--even though I applied to SAIC and didn’t get to go, doesn’t mean he can’t do something good with his life--when a big group of people from the game shuffle in and sit in the seats near us. I change my mind and settle back down.

As the train stops at Belmont, I happen to glance out the windows and see only one person waiting for us. The guy has wavy black hair and looks like he’s barely younger than me, but he’s had a rough go. He’s got a black eye and looks like he’s going to pass out before the train even begins to move.

Once the doors shut, he looks around nervously. I don’t pay much more attention to him. Should’ve jumped on the train sooner if he wanted to sit by himself. Then, he shuffles over to me and sits down in the empty seat beside me.

Across from me, Mike raises his eyebrow. We both are probably thinking the same thing: this guy gave me one glance and decided I was the least intimidating person here. Typical.

The guy gives my brother a small smile and then relaxes back into the seat. I slide closer to the edge, and look over to the side. In a matter of seconds, I can hear the guy snoring lightly. Must’ve had a really shitty night. I wonder if his girlfriend kicked him out or something.

I’m thinking to myself, when the train slows to a stop again, and I suddenly feel something hit my shoulder. I look over to see the guy has fallen over onto me. I think about shrugging him off, waking him up, but it doesn’t really bother me. As long as he doesn’t mind falling asleep on a stranger.

“Poor drunken bastard, that one,” Mike leans forward and gestures to him. “Probably got into a fight at a party that he couldn’t handle.”

I look back down at the guy’s face. “Nah, he doesn’t smell like alcohol. Some people just have rough nights, you know.”

“Sure, whatever you say.” He sits back again and puts his hands behind his head.

A few minutes pass, and I can still hear this guy snoring. It’s not loud, but it makes me wonder about different people. What happened to this dude that brought him here tonight, tired and beat up?

The train stops at State, and we have one more stop. When it takes off again, Mike reaches above him and pulls himself up. I’m getting ready to do the same, but I decide to gently wake up the guy sleeping on me instead of letting him fall over.

“Hey, man. Wake up,” I say as I shake his shoulder.

He groans and looks up at me with clear blue eyes. He looks confused, then embarrassed. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” He sits up and pushes away from me. “Sorry,” he says again.

“It’s fine, man. Don’t worry about it.” I’m going to say more, but the train is slowing down. “Is everything alright? Do you need something?”

He smiles weakly at me as I stand up. “No, but thank you…” he trails off, obviously looking for a name.

I stretch my hand out and he shakes it with his icy cold palm. “Vic,” I say. “Fuentes,” I add as he lets go of my hand.

“Well, thank you, Vic Fuentes,” he says when the train stops.

As the doors open, and Mike walks out, I turn around and say, “Good luck out there,” before the doors shut and the train leaves us behind.

I follow Mike out of the underground as we make our way home. It’s not actually on this street, but we are familiar with the area and always choose this way to go home.

While walking, Mike constantly looks over at me. He smiles, then turns back around.

“What are you doing, Mike? Do I have something on my face?” I finally ask out of annoyance.

“You don’t _now_ ,” he replies, then jogs forward a bit, laughing.

“What do you mean ‘now’? Mike!” I call as he runs ahead of me to the door of our apartment building. “What are you even talking about?” I ask as I search for the key in my pocket.

“Oh, just that stupid grin that was plastered on your face when that guy fell onto your shoulder,” he lightly punches me in the shoulder once we get upstairs to our door. “You thought he was cute, didn’t you?”

“Mike,” I scold. “I know you’re new to this whole ‘knowing-your-brother-is-gay’ thing, but just because a guy _walks past me_ doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. You don’t do that with the girls at your high school, do you?” I look up at him and cross my arms over my chest.

“I don’t have to, I have someone,” he laughs, then snatches the key out of my hand. “And I know I’ve teased before, but I definitely saw the look you gave him before we left the subway. Plus, you’ve been single for, like, three years now? Maybe you need to go find someone you like.”

“Life is more than chasing after someone, you know that, right?” I whisper as we go inside. The lights are off, so I assume our parents have gone to sleep already. For our own good, I hope we don’t wake them up.

“I don’t have to chase after Alysha because she’s not running,” he answers quietly as he enters his room.

“That’s not what I meant, Mike,” I say as I watch him flop down onto his bed. “You really need to focus on school, or at least something that you can do as a career. I don’t want you to end up like me, stuck at our parents house because your dreams weren’t practical.”

He looks sadly over at me, then throws his head onto his pillow with a groan. “Vic, don’t even start that again. I’m passing all of my classes, graduating at the end of the semester, and I’ve already been accepted to a couple of local colleges,” he pauses, then glares at me, “just like you were.”

I don’t respond. I’ve told him the same thing over and over again, but I’ve also kept the same secrets from his every time we have this talk. I think about telling him, maybe it’ll encourage him to do better. Instead, I turn off the light.

“Good night, Mike,” I sigh and head over to the couch.

“Good night, Vic,” I hear him reply before I pull the blanket over my head.

I have no energy to change out of my jeans, so I lie there in my day clothes and fall asleep.

 


	2. You've Got Your Friends

KELLIN

I thank God that the stranger, Vic Fuentes, woke me up when I was on the train last night. I would’ve stayed there all night if he hadn’t. A few stops later, I exited the underground and walked around in the chilly January night. I didn’t have any where to go, so I just walked and thought and cried by myself.

While I was alone, I started thinking of what I was going to do now that I wasn’t with Oli. I realized I couldn’t go to Justin’s or Gabe’s or even Jesse’s. Those would be the first places he would look for me. Instead, I needed to find somewhere else to stay until I could leave Chicago for good.

After aimlessly walking for about an hour, I stopped at a hotel and went inside, desperate for any sort of warmth. I still had some cash with me--apparently enough to stay one night--but I couldn’t stay any longer. I only had my debit card I shared with Oli, and if I used it, he’d know and come looking for me.

Once I got into the room, I collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later. I got out my phone to see what time it was, but it was dead. I rolled over and looked at the clock instead. It was 8:33.

I didn’t want to get up, so I sat in bed for a couple more hours, just trying to figure out what I was going to do.

Now, I check out of the hotel and try to ignore the concerned look the manager is giving me as the concierge talks sympathetically to me. I tell them I don’t want contacted, that my phone is dead anyway.

“You’re welcome to use a charger before you leave, if you’d like,” the man helping me offers. “It’s no big deal, people do it all the time.”

His manager gives him a sideways glance, which tells me people don’t do that all the time. The concierge, whose name tag reads “Tony,” smiles weakly at her.

I shake my head. “No, that’s okay,” I reply. “But thanks.”

“Okay, well do you need anything else, Mr. Quinn?” Tony asks as I get ready to leave the counter.

I think for a moment, and as the manager walks away, I lean in closely and whisper one final request to him. “If anyone comes here looking for me, please, please, _please_ don’t tell him. Please.” I probably look and sound really desperate, but it doesn’t seem to make him feel any differently.

“Sir, do you need me to call the police for you?” he sincerely asks.

“No!” I exclaim, making the manager look over her shoulder at me. “No,” I repeat quieter. “I just need to know that someone won’t find me if he comes looking.”

“Okay, sir.” Tony looks over at his manager, who is now going into a room that is for employees only. Once she’s gone, he turns back to me. “Mr. Quinn, if you’d like, I can make arrangements for you to stay a couple more days.”

“What? I don’t have enough cash for that,” I reach into my pocket and get out my wallet. Inside, there’s three ones, a debit card for Oli’s bank account, and some pictures of my friends, parents, us. “I can’t stay.”

“If you want to stay, I can work something out for you.”

I look around, my stomach is flipping around in my stomach. I want to have a place to sleep, but what if he does find me? What will he do?

I must be easy to read because Tony says, “I’ll make sure whoever it is you are trying to avoid doesn’t know you’re here. I promise.”

I smile graciously up at him. “Really?”

“So, do you want to stay?”

“Yes,” I sigh with relief. “Yes, please. Oh, thank you!” I’m almost crying at this point, but quickly straighten up when I see the manager coming back towards us. She grabs something from behind the desk, gives me a suspicious look, then leaves without a word to either one of us.

Tony types something into the computer after she leaves, then grabs one of the room keys. “If you’ll follow me, Mr. Quinn.”

I was unintentionally holding my breath, so I breathe deeply as I follow him. We walk past the employee room his manager went into earlier. He stops and pops his head into the room.

“Hey, Erin, could you cover the front desk for me for a few minutes? I’ve got something to take care of,” he talks to someone in the room.

After a few seconds, a pretty girl with long, dark hair and beautiful brown eyes comes out of the room and closes the door behind her. She seems surprised to see me, but quickly composes herself and smiles kindly at me.

“Oh, hello,” she says to me, then looks at Tony. “Does Lynn know what you’re up to, Tony?” She glances cautiously over to a room that has “Manager” printed on the door.

“No, she doesn’t,” he answers quietly. He looks down at me and holds up a finger. “One moment, please.” He pulls the girl, Erin, aside, to talk about my current situation. “Erin, I’m just trying to help this guy out. I can’t just do nothing,” he tries to whisper, but I still hear him.

“I know, Tony,” she smiles at him, and there is so much love in her eyes when she looks at him. He looks back at her the same way. The two are obviously in love. Anyone could tell. I wonder if people looked at Oli and me and knew that he wasn’t in love with me. “Just stay out of trouble. You know you’re only holding onto this job by a thread. Be careful.”

“I will.” He kisses her on the forehead and walks back over to me as she heads over to the front desk. “Alright, back to business.”

We start walking through the hallways and to an elevator meant for the room service people. Once we’re in, Tony presses the button that takes us to the highest floor.

“Lynn usually leaves the top floor for the owner to deal with, but Wentz hardly ever shows up to check on it, and only a few people ever stay up here. You should be okay to avoid being found by anyone for a while.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” I say, “but how am I going to stay here without paying for it? I mean, I can pay you later.” I don’t know if I can actually do that, but I don’t want to seem like I’m taking advantage of his kindness.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Quinn,” he replies. “For now, let’s worry about you staying safe and comfortable.”

“Okay,” I whisper as the elevator stops at the top floor. “And please, call me Kellin. No one ever calls me Mr. Quinn, and it’s really weird to hear.” I laugh sheepishly.

“Alright,” he replies.

We exit the elevator and go down the hall. There are only five doors on this floor, which seems odd because the other floor I stayed on the night before had several. When he opens the door to the room farthest away from the elevator, I understand why there’s only five. Each room must be a suite because this one is huge.

I’m immediately taken aback by the room and turn to Tony. “Oh, you so don’t have to do this. A smaller room would be just fine. I don’t need all this,” I look around, feeling butterflies in my stomach because someone would be so kind.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Like I said, Lynn won’t know if you’re up here. I’ll make sure the cleaning ladies leave you alone, too.” He sets the key on the table in front of the small kitchen. He looks at me and frowns.

“What?” I ask defensively.

“I think there’s ice in the freezer, let me check,” he says, mostly to himself.

“For what?”

“That nasty black eye you have,” he replies.

“Oh.” I had forgotten about it. Turning around, I find the bathroom and make my way over there as Tony digs into the freezer. I flip on the light and jump out of my skin when I see my reflection.

My right eye has a killer black and blue bruise around it and there’s a small cut above my eyebrow from where I hit the coffee table. I also just look really tired. My hair’s a mess and my clothes are super wrinkled from wearing them for two days and sleeping in them.

I feel like I’m going to throw up, so I put my hand over my mouth just as a loud sob escapes me. I back up to the wall and slide down to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and start crying. How did this all happen? What did I do to deserve Oli?

“Hey, where’d you go? Oh,” Tony finds me curled up on the bathroom floor. I try to wipe the tears off my face and get up, but he stops me and sits down next to me with the bag of ice in his hand. He gives it to me. “Why don’t you go ahead and put that on your eye for a little while?” he says.

“Thank you,” I whisper, afraid my voice will crack.

“It’s no problem.”

We sit there for a moment in silence, and it feels a bit awkward, but neither of us know what to say. I’ve thanked him several times, and he’s already done so much.

I guess the silence was too much for him because Tony stands up and reaches out to help me up. I grab his hand, and he pulls me up.

“If you need anything else, let me or Erin know,” he says, giving me a piece of paper with two numbers on it. “We’re both more than willing to help.”

I can’t help but smile whenever he offers the help. “Thank you, Tony. It really means a lot to me.” I stretch out my hand. He shakes it and then turns around to leave.

“Oh, and if you need to leave for whatever reason, let me know, so I can make sure Lynn doesn’t see you.”

“Okay.” I reply. I wonder why he didn’t just ask his manager about me staying here. Was it really that bad to let someone in need stay if they would pay later? I guess it was.

After Tony leaves, I decide to take a shower. I just want to clear my head. It’s been a rough day, but Tony’s generosity has made it a lot better. I hope one day I can return the favor.

* * *

 

VIC

I wake up this morning to my mother angrily pulling the blanket off me. She has her hands on her hips, glaring at me. I already know what’s coming and that she waited until Mike left for school to yell at me.

“All I ask is that you keep him out of trouble, get groceries occasionally, and find a job to help us pay the rent,” she starts off her usual rant. “And you do one of those things: get the groceries, with _our_ money.”

I sit up on the couch and look down at my feet. “I’m looking for a job, Mom.” I take a deep breath. We’ve had this conversation about thirty times since I graduated three years ago--at least eleven were in the past few weeks. “And I do try to keep Mike out of trouble. We weren’t in any trouble last night.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me again. “Then why were you out so late last night? What were you doing?”

“I told you, Mom. We went to a soccer game. It went later than expected, and Mike wanted to say goodbye to his girlfriend.”

“You’re his older brother, you need to stand up to him. Tell him to talk to her later.”

I don’t argue with her. Last time I tried to do that, the conversation turned into a screaming match. I just look away and agree. “I know.”

“Well, go get dressed. You have an interview at eleven, and it’s already half past nine.” She storms into the kitchen and starts washing dishes.

I get up and go to Mike’s room where all my clothes are. I don’t have any really nice clothes, but I try to look as nice as I can. I’m going to a nearby hotel for a job interview and hope to get the job. If I can’t convince Mike to get focused on school, maybe I can be a better example by supporting our family.

I leave the apartment without saying a word to my mother. She knows where I’ll be and how to get ahold of me if she needs something while I’m out.

It’s still really cold out this morning, and my jean jacket doesn’t really go with my outfit, but it’s the warmest thing I have. I’m walking quickly to the hotel, hoping I don’t have to stand outside for long. They didn’t tell me if anyone else was applying for the job, but I’m sure there will be a couple more people there. I really need this job, so I just have to be better than them. If I don’t get this job, it will be the fourth one over the past week and a half.

I find the place in the middle of the street and take a deep breath before I go inside. _This is it_ , I think. I feel like something special is waiting for me at this one. This has got to be it.

I walk inside and see a girl at the front desk. She smiles as I walk up the stairs and types something into the computer. “Hello! Welcome to America’s Suiteheart,” she says sweetly.

“Hi,” I say, a little out of breath from the cold walk. “I’m here for an interview.”

“Oh!” she sounds surprised and looks at the computer blankly, then frowns. I see that her name tag says “Erin.” “I thought they sent an email out to all of you guys. I guess not,” she mumbles.

I have a sinking feeling in my gut. “I- I don’t have an email. Just a cell phone. Did something- Was it filled already?” I ask, defeated.

She sighs and looks at me sympathetically. Just as I get ready to turn around and leave, two people walk towards us in a heated conversation. The guy is taller than me and has a few tattoos peeking out around the long sleeves and collar of his dress shirt. The girl, who is practically yelling at him, has long, brown hair. She looks younger than him, but he has the fear of God in his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re doing, Perry, but if I find out you’re up to something against our code, I _will_ call Pete this time to come down here and fire you himself. The only reason you have this job is because Erin thinks you’re so great.” She gestures over to the girl at the counter. “If you let another homeless person stay in our rooms again for free, _I’m_ going to be fired from this hotel by him.” She shakes her head. “You just can’t do that, Perry.”

She looks away from him and finally notices me standing there. “Oh! I’m so sorry, about that, sir,” she apologizes and sticks out her hand. “I’m Lynn Gunn, the manager here.” I shake her hand half-heartedly. She notices the baffled look on Erin’s face and turns to me again. “Is there something I can help you with?”

I feel embarrassed. This job was too good to be true, I knew it as soon as they told me to come in for the interview. But why had it felt like the right place to be this time? Were the fates messing with me? “I- I had an interview,” I say.

“Did you not get the email?” She looks just as confused as Erin did. “I sent an email out to all three of you explaining the situation.”

“I don’t have-”

“He doesn’t have an email, Lynn,” Erin says for me. “He still expected it to be open.”

Lynn looks at me compassionately. “I’m so sorry. What’s your name, again?”

“I’m Vic,” I answer.

“Fuentes?” she asks.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Oh yeah, I remember looking at your resume. Pretty impressive. Accepted to the Art Institute and Northwestern?” she recalls.

I nod. “Yeah,” I sigh.

“Can I ask why you didn’t end up going? Seems like too big of an opportunity to miss out on.” She seems sincere, but the question always makes me nauseous.

“Family stuff,” I mumble the same answer I always give people.

“Ah,” she says. “Well, I hate to inform you that the position has been filled. The owner already had someone in mind for the job. We didn’t know that when we put the ad up.” She grabs a business card from the desk and writes something on it. “But if you need a recommendation or anything, I’d be willing to write it or have Pete, the hotel’s owner, do something for you.”

I think about it for a moment. “Do you know of any good jobs around here? I’ve applied to so many, and they all seem to get filled before I even get a chance.”

“Well, we might have a position open soon, if I ever figure out what Perry’s up to,” she glares at the guy who is now standing near Erin. “Or if one of our cleaning ladies ever retire.”

“We could always use a bellhop,” the guy says, finally chipping in. “Guests are always complaining about their bags.”

“That’s part of _your_ job, Tony.” Lynn rolls her eyes.

“Come on, Lynn,” he walks over and stands in front of her. “At least try it out for, like, a week. See if the position improves our service. It could be awesome!” Tony is trying really hard to help, I could tell. It feels really good to have someone stand up for me, but I don’t see why he is.

She sighs. “Well, if you actually _did_ your job, our service would be better,” she grumbles. “And if I offer this guy a job, I have to offer the others who applied a chance.”

“Lynn,” he looks at her desperately. “Or, to maybe take care of the top floor when Wentz isn’t here?” He seems hopeful with that last offer. “Make sure all the rooms are clean and what not, you know?”

“Hmm,” she starts to think about it. I’m feeling hopeful again. “That does sound like a good idea.” She glances over at me. “But you can’t go find those other guys and tell them I gave you a new job.” She winks at me. I blush in return. “Can you come back tomorrow after I iron out some wrinkles in the process?”

I nod excitedly. “Yes! I can come back whenever!” I realize I may sound too excited, but I can’t believe this is working out.

“Alright, I’ll make sure to call you instead of email, but I would suggest setting one up in case you need to get ahold of someone in the future or for other business means.”

“Of course,” I reply.

She smiles brightly at me. “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Fuentes.”

I leave the building smiling and return home faster than when I left. Once I get to the building, I run up the stairs and fumble with the key as I try to get into our apartment.

My mother is sitting on the couch, knitting a scarf or something. “Mom!” I yell as I come in. “Mom! I got a job!”

She looks up at me showing little to no signs that she is impressed. “It’s about time. Is it the hotel job?”

My smile drops a little, but I try to keep up the mood since she isn’t trying at all. “Yeah, it’s at the hotel. They want me to come in tomorrow to start,” I say, even though I’m not sure I’m really starting tomorrow.

“Good,” she says. “Now if you can just get your brother to stay out of trouble for the last few months he’s in school, you might just get some respect from people.”

My smile completely drops now. I’ve heard it before, but it hurts every time. “Yeah, right.” I decide that I can’t stay here alone with her for a while. “I’m going to go out.” I tell her. “I’ll be home later.”

“Alright. Don’t go blowing our money on crap again,” she says as I shut the door.

I don’t really know what to do, but I just don’t want to be there anymore.


	3. Is Something Still Scaring You?

KELLIN

I don’t want to be awake, but I can’t fall asleep. Everytime I drift off, I can hear Oli storming into the room, angry and hungry. I can feel his hands all over me, leaving bruises and scratches. I used to live for it. Recently, I feared it.

The first year, I was excited to have someone that wanted to make love with me almost every night. Until I realized it wasn’t love we were making. It was always rough and angry sex, but I just went with it. I didn’t know what else to do. I’d only done it two times before I was with him, and neither were really satisfying. I thought that what Oli did was right.

Then, I started to see what was really happening. He only ever used me for his own pleasure. He never cared about me the whole time I was with him. I wasted two years of my life trying to be enough for him even though I know now I would never be.

Now, I’m just sitting on the bathroom floor. I don’t like being in the giant bedroom by myself because of the things I start thinking of when I’m almost asleep. The bed is the same size as Oli’s. I sat in the kitchen for a while, but there isn’t any food in the fridge to occupy my brain with--I’m not really hungry anyway, but I wanted to distract myself. I felt so empty in there, so I made my way back into the bathroom.

I took another shower but couldn’t bring myself to even get all the way dressed. After I struggled to get my pants back on, I sat on the cool tile and waited. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for, but I’ve been on the floor for a couple hours, I think. After a few minutes of sitting, I laid down, pressing my cheek to the cold floor. I’ve been like that ever since.

I charged my phone after the first shower, so it is in my pocket right now. There were three texts waiting for me when it came back on. One from Justin, one from Tony--I had texted him first--and one from Oli.

Even though I couldn’t hear the tone through the text, I knew he was furious when he sent it. There was an underlying sense of threat in the message that scared me shitless. That was when I moved to the kitchen from the bedroom.

I thought about calling Tony, seeing if he would come up and keep me company. There was something about him that made me feel safe, but I didn’t want to bother him. That was when I moved to the bathroom.

I just want to be out of this city. The sooner I left, the sooner I would feel safe. I wouldn’t have to worry about Oli finding me ever again. Then again, what was I going to do without him? All the money I had was his. I hadn’t had a job in two years, so what kind of work could I even get? What kind of place would want to hire me, anyway?

Why am I just now thinking of this? Maybe if I hadn’t reacted so dramatically, we could’ve gotten over it. Would he still take me back?

While thinking of him, my phone starts to buzz in my pocket. I take it out and see that it’s him calling. Do I answer it?

“Hello?” I ask cautiously.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Kellin?” he screams on the other end. “You need to fucking get back here _now_.”

“Oli, I’m sorry,” I start crying.

“No, you’re fucking not. You ran away, and you’re gonna pay for it, bitch.”

I’m shaking now. I can’t go back. He’ll kill me. I know it.

“Do you hear me, Kellin? You know I can track your phone, right? I will find you and bring you right back here. And once you’re back, you’re never gonna leave me again.”

I’m going to throw up. I didn’t think of that. Oh, God, he’s going to find me. I’ve got to leave.

“If you fucking leave, I’ll still be able to find you,” he threatens, practically reading my thoughts. “And you’re friends aren’t worth shit. They all gave you up, saying you contacted them. You whole lot are pathetic-”

I hang up the phone and toss it away from me. What the hell am I going to do? Do I leave? Should I tell Tony? I can’t let him get hurt. He’s given me shelter and a place to stay safe, and I’m about to ruin all of it. Oh, my God.

I quickly sit up and throw up whatever is in my stomach. I haven’t eaten since yesterday, so I’m soon done vomiting and only dry heaving. I fall against the tub and breath heavily. Tears are streaming down my face, but I don’t try to stop crying. I let myself cry for a long time, hoping I’ll fall asleep from the weariness.

After another hour, I’m still awake and afraid. I want to call Tony and ask for help, but I don’t want to get him more involved than he already is.

My phone buzzes on the tile once and makes me jump. There’s a text message from Erin that reads, _Hey, do you need anything?_

I don’t think she can help, but I just need to talk to someone about something, so I unlock the phone and call her. She answers on the second ring.

“Hey, Kellin. Is everything alright?” she sounds tired, but it’s only eleven. Maybe she’s been working all day.

“I just-”

“Hey wait a minute,” she says. I hear the phone get put down for a moment. “Hello! Welcome to America’s Suiteheart. Do you need a room?” I hear her muffled greeting to a customer.

“I know he’s fucking here!” I hear the muffled scream and quickly cower against the tub again. Oh God it’s too late. He’s found me. What if he hurts Erin? Oh no.

“Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?” I now hear Tony’s quiet voice from the phone.

“Yeah, you can tell me where the fuck my boyfriend is.”

“I’m sorry, sir. We can’t give out any information about our guests. If you’d like, I can get my manager. But she will tell you the same thing.”

I hear a bit of shuffling and a gasp that sounds like it came from Erin. I’m so worried and afraid. He’s going to come up here and kill me. He might just kill them, too. Oh, my God. I was going to be held responsible for all of that.

“Excuse me! Pete!” I hear another voice, and I think it’s the manager. “Sir, you cannot be back there! Oh, shit, Tony!”

My heart’s racing. What is happening down there?

“Get the fuck out of my hotel, you bastard!” There’s another person now; it’s a man’s voice I don’t recognize. There’s more shuffling, and then I hear him shout in an even more muffled voice, “And don’t you ever fucking come back, or I will have the police here faster than you can say ‘Welcome to America’s Suiteheart!’”

“Tony, what was that all about?” I hear the manager ask.

“He just came in looking for someone. He seemed really angry,” Erin answers instead.

“Was it that guy who stayed here the other night?” the manager asks quietly.

I hold my breath, wondering if the couple will finally give me away.

“I don’t know. Might’ve been,” Tony says almost absentmindedly, it seems. “I just wish I would’ve known this guy was going to pack such a wild punch.” He laughs lightly. “Rather me than Erin, though.”

The thought of Erin getting hit because of me sends chills down my spine.

“Lynn, is there something you need to tell me?” The other man is back in the conversation. “What was this all about? Why is there a raging man looking for his boyfriend in my hotel?”

“Pete, I don’t know. I honestly have no idea. The guy was probably just drunk and confused. He’s obviously not from around here. Did you hear that accent?” the manager, Lynn, replies.

“You’re right,” he pauses. “Well, I need to head back home. Anyway, like I was saying, I like that whole job idea for someone to take care of the top floor while I’m gone. And you’ve even got a guy picked out already!” I hear him laugh. “I’m sure he’ll do great and get along well with the rest of the staff. As will Patrick when he gets here.”

I assume he left because I hear Lynn address Erin. “You’re welcome to go home, Erin. It’s been a long night for you. You, too, Tony.”

“Thanks, Lynn.” Erin sighs.

“Yeah, thanks,” Tony mumbles. “But hey, I left my note in one of the rooms I cleaned today, so I need to run up and grab it.”

“Yeah, okay. Just take the back elevator so you don’t bug any of the guests,” Lynn sounds just as tired as Erin did. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

The two start talking to each other for a few minutes before it sounds like Tony leaves. A few seconds later, Erin gasps in surprise. “Oh!” I hear the phone move again. “Kellin! I’m so sorry I forgot you were on the phone!”

I’m too shell-shocked to speak.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

“I- I’m,” I can’t get anything else out.

There’s a knock on the door. I tense up, thinking that it has to be Oli. He didn’t actually leave. He came right up stairs to punish me for leaving.

“Kellin! It’s me! Tony!”

“Is Tony up there yet?” Erin asks at the same time he calls through the door.

“Y- yeah, he just showed up,” I whisper.

“Okay, well, I’ll let you talk to him.” She goes to hang up but comes back. “Hey, Kellin?” she gets my attention as I’m picking up my shirt to put back on.

“Yeah?”

“You really are safe here, and neither of us are going to let you get hurt.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“You’re welcome,” she says. “Bye.”

I hang up and walk out of the bathroom to open the door. Tony is standing there with his shirt all messed up and untucked. He’s got a cut across his cheek. I feel my stomach drop. This is my fault.

“Hey, man. That’s one nasty boyfriend you’ve got, isn’t he?” He laughs shortly at the end.

“He’s not my boyfriend. Not anymore.” I reply, thankful to finally say that.

“Well, good. I’m glad you left that piece of shit,” he says. “Look, I’ve got to tell you something before I head home,” he grabs a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me. “One more number to keep, but don’t call it yet.”

“Whose is it?” I ask, looking at the unfamiliar number.

“New employee. I convinced Lynn to hire him. I felt so bad for the guy, and I figured it would be nice for you to have someone that can keep you company while you’re here. He seems pretty nice. He’s also desperate for a job, so I know he won’t go running his mouth about you.”

“Really?” I ask in disbelief. I know I’m crying again, but I jump up and give Tony a big hug anyway. “Thank you for everything, Tony.”

“It’s no big deal, Kellin. Just,” he pauses as I let go of him, “be careful, okay?”

“I will be,” I reply.

“Alright. I’ll be back tomorrow, well, later today, I guess.” He closes the door and leaves. I realize that I can’t stay here long. Oli will be back at some point, and I can’t put these people in danger again.

* * *

 

VIC

This morning, I woke up at 7:30. Mike isn’t even done with breakfast yet by the time I’m ready to go to the hotel. I am pretty excited for this job, and my brother can tell.

“Was there a hot guy there?” he asks after our parents both leave for work. “Or were the benefits just that good?”

“Mike!” I slap him as he places his cereal bowl in the sink. “I told you, they practically created the job for me.”

“I hate to break it to you, but it was probably because you were almost crying.”

“Okay, yeah, but still,” I say defensively.

“Hey,” he says, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Vic. I know you’re going to be great.” He smiles at me, and I think that maybe this job will be good for the both of us. If I actually do good, I can be a better example for him.

“Are you going to walk to school with me before your big day?” he asks as he grabs his backpack.

“You want to be seen with the disappointment?” I joke.

He frowns at me. “No, I want to be seen with my awesome big brother,” he punches my shoulder, and we walk out of the apartment.

We don’t say much on the way to the high school, but I’m still excited and can tell that Mike is happy this morning. That’s really all that matters: Mike being happy. That’s why I want him to do well in school, so that he doesn’t have to feel as sad as I do most days. I want him to be proud of himself.

“You know if you would’ve given that guy on the subway your number, he probably would’ve called you by now,” he says out of the blue.

“What?” I ask, caught off guard.

“That guy you thought was cute that fell asleep on you the other night,” he clarifies. “He definitely would’ve called by now if you had given him your phone number.”

“Mike, that’s not even, like, topical or relevant.” I shake my head. “Plus, I’m sure the last thing that guy wanted was for some random dude on the subway to flirt with him,” I add in.

“Did you see the way he looked at you when he thanked you?” Mike laughs. We’re only a block away from the school and can see his girlfriend with all her friends waiting for him. “I’ve seen guys look at girls that way before, and they usually end up fucking later that night.”

“Mike!” I shove him towards the school. “See, _this_ is why you need to focus in school. Imagine what you’d learn if you paid that much attention to your teachers.”

“For the record, I _do_ pay attention in class.” Alysha waves at us along with her two friends with her. The redhead seems to look over at me a bit longer than the other two. “Maybe you would find a boyfriend if you looked as hard for one as you do a job.”

“You know why I looked so hard for a job, Mike,” I scold. I know he’s heard the countless arguments I’ve had with our mom. It wasn’t a surprise to him either when I told him that she couldn’t care less about the one I did find.

“I’m just saying,” he says.

I roll my eyes. “Whatever,” I stop at the end of the sidewalk. “Don’t be late to class,” I say as he walks across the street to his girlfriend.

I turn around and walk the other direction to the hotel. I’m getting really jittery thinking about the new job, but I know that’s where I’m supposed to be. It just felt right when I walked in yesterday. I’m so glad something actually worked out.

I finish the short walk in a few minutes and go inside the building. When I walk in, Lynn is the one behind the desk. I’m surprised to see her and not someone else.

How often did she work? She wasn’t always going to be here, right? She needed some rest, too. A lot of it, by the looks of her. Her hair is pulled back this morning. She looks really tired today, so I try to be as cheery as possible as I walk up to her.

“Good morning!” I say to her.

She looks up at me, and it takes her a moment to place who I am. “Oh, good morning, Vic!” She returns the pen in her hand to the cup on the desk. “I’m sorry, usually I’m prepared for this stuff, but we had an odd night last night.”

“Odd?” I ask. How odd did things get at this hotel?

“Yeah, just some crazy, drunk guy looking for someone.” She shrugs. “Well, I talked to the owner last night, and he loves the idea of you working here! I think we planned everything out last night, but I still want to talk you through it. If you don’t think it suits you, we’re going to open up the position. Right now, you have first dibs.”

“Wow,” I breathe. “That’s amazing.”

“Right?” She opens up a drawer and grabs out a set of keys. “Well, if you’ll follow me, I’ll show you what you’ll be doing.”

As she walks around the desk, Tony walks in the back. He looks rough this morning and even more tired than Lynn does. There’s a small cut on his cheek, and I wonder what all happened last night that was so intense.

“Hey! It’s Vic, right?” he asks, walking over to us.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Listen, man, I’m so stoked that you got this job! I think you’ll fit in perfectly.”

“Thanks,” I smile up at him. “Means a lot.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He looks at the manager. “Hey, Lynn. If you want, I can show him upstairs. Then you can meet with him in your office about all the detail stuff.”

“You literally just got here, and you already want to take a break?” She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t respond, and she laughs lightly. “Go ahead,” she says as she tosses him the keys.

“Alright,” he says, turning the keys around in his hands and walking towards the back. I start to follow him.

“Hey, Perry,” she calls after him, beckoning him back.

He goes back over.

“How are you feeling?” she asks in a low voice.

“I’m fine,” he replies in a soft tone.

“Are you sure?” She looks concerned. It surprises me because she seemed very negative towards him yesterday. “How’s your cheek? Is Erin still freaked out?”

“I promise, Lynn, I’m fine. Erin is still a little freaked out, but she said she would still be in for the afternoon shift today.”

She smiles at him. “You’re welcome to call her and tell her to take today off. I will understand.”

“I’ll let her know.”

Lynn nods, and Tony comes back over to me.

“Alright, let’s go.” He starts walking down a hallway to the back of the building. “This is the way to the back elevator. It’s for employees only, and it’s the only one that goes up to the top floor.” He shows me the elevator, but doesn’t press the button. “However, since this is your first day, we like to make you take the stairs.” He gives me a big smile and pushes open a door across the hall.

“And what exactly is the top floor?” I ask nervously.

“Twenty-five,” he tells me.

“What?” I look up the stairs, jaw dropping. “There’s no way this is twenty-five floors.”

“I’m kidding, Vic,” he elbows my arm. “It’s only ten.”

“That’s still a lot of stairs.”

“I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”

We both start climbing the stairs, but he is taking them really slow. He seems like his thoughts are somewhere else, but I can’t exactly place what he’s thinking about. Maybe it was whatever happened last night. I decide to ask him.

“What’s on your mind, Tony?”

He looks over at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“You seem like there’s a lot on your mind.”

“Oh yeah, about that.” He stops and looks around. We’ve made it to the third floor. “There’s kind of a reason behind me suggesting this job.”

“Are you hiding drugs upstairs that you don’t want the boss-man finding out about?” I ask jokingly.

“Not exactly drugs,” he says honestly.

“Tony, what do you mean?” I start to feel a little bit more nervous. What am I getting myself into?

“Listen, I don’t want to freak you out, but last night really made me realize that this was actually a really great idea.”

“Yeah, what _did_ happen last night?” I ask out of curiosity.

“It’s a long story,” he admits. “But I guess I’ve got to tell you all I know.”

He recaps this story about a guy staying one night, then asking him the next morning for him not to tell some guy that he was here. Instead of sending him away, Tony came up with a plan to let him stay on the top floor--which hardly ever has guests--for a couple of days. He’s done it before with a few homeless guys because he wants to do something kind.

“Yeah, and every time I’ve done it, I make sure it comes out of my paycheck,” he says. “Lynn found out once because the guy was a guitarist and couldn’t shut up long enough for me to get him upstairs.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, she threatened to fire me, but I told her I would pay for it.”

“Wow,” I can’t think of anything else to say.

“She hasn’t really ever found out any of the other times--I mean it’s only happened three other times outside of the guy now.” We stop again at the sixth floor. “I think she might realize it when I make sure part of my pay goes back to the hotel, but she only yelled at me the one time.”

“What about yesterday?” I ask, recalling the scene I witnessed the prior day.

“Oh, well I think she realizes something’s up because that guy was a trainwreck coming in.” He rubs his hand through his short hair. “I think she’s starting to pick up on when I’m feeling generous, y’know?”

“So, like, all the time?”

“Hey, I could totally just say that you’re terrible for the job,” he jokes.

“You could, but that would go against your morals, wouldn’t it?”

“Wow, we’ve known each other for a day, and you’re already pulling the morals card on me. That’s quite a move.”

“So, this guy that’s staying here?” I ask, bringing him back to the story.

“Right, right,” he nods his head and starts up the stairs again.

The rest of the story has to do with only him and his girlfriend, Erin, knowing about this guy, whose name is apparently Kellin. They make sure Lynn doesn’t find out or that whoever this guy he’s so freaked out over finds him. Until last night, when some really angry man showed up demanding them to tell him where his boyfriend was. It got pretty ugly, Tony explains. That’s how he got the cut on his cheek.

“But don’t worry, that _hardly_ ever happens,” he says sarcastically.

“Good,” I say.

“Erin’s pretty freaked out over it. And she said that Kellin was on the phone the entire time and heard the whole thing. Thankfully, Wentz, the owner of the hotel, kicked his ass out of here. The poor guy upstairs was freaked out, though. I felt bad for him. I promised he’d be safe, and then his douchebag ex shows up looking for blood.”

“Yikes.”

“Did you seriously just say that?” he laughs.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I really couldn’t think of anything else. “It just seems so weird, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. But he hasn’t told me anything about the ex or anything. I’m not good at reading people, so I really don’t know what’s going on. I just know that he’s scared to death and needs some help.”

“So you want me to be the one to help him?” I start putting pieces of the story together.

“Well, I just wanted to see if you’d keep him company during the day,” he explains. “He has my number and Erin’s number, but he never calls us. I don’t know if he’s eating, or what he’s doing at all. I can’t just disappear all day upstairs.” He chuckles. “That would definitely make Lynn suspicious.”

“Yeah, probably a little.”

“So, do you think you can do it?” He turns to me as we stop at the door to the tenth floor. “Will you help me out?”

I chew on my bottom lip for a moment. “I want to,” I look around.

“But?”

“I can’t tell Lynn about any of this, right?” I feel uncertain about this whole thing now.

“If she finds out, I’ll lose my job and he’ll be kicked out onto the streets. And if that guy is still looking for him, I don’t want to see him alone, without shelter.”

“You’re an amazing guy,” I admit. I’m a little disappointed he has a girlfriend because he truly is wonderful. He’s got a kind heart and isn’t that bad looking either. “And I want to help. So, I’ll do it.”

“Really?” He pulls me into a big hug. “Thank you so much, Vic. I know it’ll mean a lot to Kellin, too.”

He opens the door, and we walk into the hallway of the tenth floor.


	4. Stay for Tonight If You Want To

KELLIN

I hear voices in the hallway. One of them I recognize as Tony. The other one must be the holder of the phone number he gave me last night. I really hope this goes well. By their tones, I’m guessing that this new employee is in a good mood.

Even though this guy just got here, I plan on leaving tonight. I don’t want Tony, or Erin or Lynn, to get hurt because of me again. I can’t imagine what Oli will do to get to me at this point. I hope I don’t disappoint Tony too much.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and I walk over to open it. Tony walks in with his bright smile and new friend, and for some reason, he looks really familiar.

“Kellin, I want you to meet Vic,” he introduces the guy.

The short guy’s eyes go wide once he sees me. “You’re the dude that fell asleep on me in the subway the other night,” he states with a tone of surprise.

“Whoa, you’ve met before?” Tony asks.

“That’s why you look familiar!” I snap my fingers. “Vic Fuentes, the guy on the train!” I feel a little embarrassed. I fell asleep on the guy’s shoulder a few nights ago, and now he was seeing me as this hot mess staying in a free hotel room.

“Yeah, I’m that Vic Fuentes,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, obviously a little uncomfortable. Great, I’ve made a fantastic first impression.

“Well, I see you guys don’t need me to introduce you any more.” Tony smiles at us. “If you need me, I’ll be trying to come up with fake things I told Vic to do for this job.” He goes out into the hallway and closes the door behind him.

Vic watches him leave and turns slowly around to me. “So, it’s been a rough couple of days, huh?” He looks around the suite but doesn’t seem sure of what to do.

“More like a rough couple of _years_ , but y’know, same old, same old.” I sigh and walk over to the couch and sit down.

“I see that black eye is looking a bit better, now,” he points out.

“Oh, oh yeah.” My fingers gingerly sweep over the bruises. I still remember hitting the coffee table and almost blacking out that night. What if I had? Would Oli have told me it was all a dream? That he loved me? Would I still be suffering with him?

“Hey, Kellin,” Vic snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I practically fly to the other side of the couch, away from him. “Whoa, sorry.” He turns away from me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t, I just-” I just, what? Was afraid he was going to hit me for zoning out? Is this what I had become? I sigh loudly and fall back against the seat. Looking up at the ceiling, I feel so defeated.

“I heard about the boyfriend drama last night,” he says.

“What?” I sit back up and look at him. “What did you hear?”

He seems a bit frightened and answers quickly. “Just that some guy came in screaming looking for you.” He looks back at the door, waiting for Tony to walk back in at any moment to save him. “Sounds like a complete douchebag to me.”

I close my eyes. “Yeah,” I whisper. “He is,” the words barely come out. I’m afraid he’s going to show up and beat the shit out of me for saying that. I don’t like the way it feels inside to say that about him.

Vic looks over at me sadly. Over the past two years, I’ve only gotten annoyed or angry looks. Within the past two days, I’ve gotten so many concerned and worried faces, but I’m still not used to it.

“Kellin, do you need to talk about something?” he asks, leaning over closer to me. “It’s not good to keep stuff bottled up. It can lead to serious problems later down the road.”

“I know,” I whisper again, but I don’t have anything to say right now.

He sighs loudly, then stands up. “I’m bringing you clothes to change into on my break, just to let you know.”

“What?”

“That was the same thing you were wearing the other night, Kellin.”

I hadn’t been thinking about that.

“And after I grab some dinner, I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” I whisper again, my voice shaking even at that low of a volume.

Before walking out the door, he gives me one last look. “I’m not going to hurt you, Kellin. I promise.”

“How’d you-”

“I’ll see you later,” he says nervously, walking out the door.

I still want to leave tonight because I’m worried about these guys. However, what Vic said was right, I can’t keep bottling everything up. If I do that, I’ll end up blowing up. And if I do that, I might end up hurting someone like Oli hurt me. I don’t want to become what he is. There is no way in hell I am going to let that happen.

I think about leaving now. I could go beg Matty or Jesse to listen for a while. Maybe if I told them I had finally left Oli, they would give me a second chance. I also know they will be biased because they had told me from the beginning that he was bad news.

I need someone to trust--or maybe not trust but just to talk to. Maybe it isn’t an accident that I sat next to Vic the night after I left Oli’s. It can’t be coincidence that we both ended up meeting Tony and being here at the same time.

* * *

 

VIC

This isn’t a real job. That is all I can think about as I’m walking from the apartment to Panda Express, then back to the hotel. Tony only did this for that guy--Kellin. How the fuck did strangers cross paths like this more than once?

We stumbled into each other’s lives on a train, then we both met Tony, only to end up practically shoved together again? Is there really such a thing as fate? Now, I think of what Mike said. Did Kellin really give me one of _those_ looks the other night? From the story I just heard, I doubt it.

I don’t know if Kellin will even eat this, but I get enough food to feed two. I plan on leaving it in the fridge for him. The way Tony was talking, I think he plans on letting Kellin stay for quite some time. I don’t know how long I can do it, though. What if Lynn starts asking questions? I only just got the job--a job that doesn’t really exist--so I can be fired in an instant. Then I’d have to tell my mother.

I try not to think about the disappointment on her face if that happens as I walk to the hotel. I enter in the back--Tony showed me all the ways to get into the hotel after my meeting with Lynn.

She explained how the top floor was for special visitors, Pete Wentz--the owner--usually brings his friends to stay there when he’s in town, and I’ll pretty much be keeping the rooms clean in my time there, eventually I _will_ meet Mr. Wentz, et cetra, et cetra.

I can hear some guy up front answering a phone, but it’s not Tony. I don’t go see who it is. Instead, I head straight to the elevator and go upstairs with chinese food and a change of clothes.

I didn’t know what Kellin would wear or even what size clothes he wore. I could tell he was smaller than me--not by much--but he was taller than me--also not by that much. I figured he could fit into my clothes, but I grabbed one of Mike’s shirts just in case.

The elevator stops at the top floor, and I get out. I get to the door to the suite Kellin is in and knock quietly on the door. I don’t know if Lynn could even hear regular knocking, but I really don’t plan on taking any chances.

There’s no response, and my first reaction is to get nervous, but I whisper to the door, “Kellin, it’s Vic.”

Still nothing. Not even shuffling around to open the door. My hands start to sweat, and my mind starts racing through possible situations. Did that boyfriend of his find him? Oh, God, did he kill--

I make myself stop going down that train of thought. Instead, I remember the keys in my pocket and almost drop the bag of food from my hand when I go to grab them. Luckily, I’m still thinking about not making Lynn suspicious, so I catch the bag and lightly set it on the floor. The keys jingle in my pocket, and I have to remember which one lets me into all the rooms.

While all the other floors have cards, this floor has real keys. I guess it made sense to Pete at some point.

I find the key and open the door. As it swings in, I grab the food and quietly walk into the room. It’s dead silent, and I start to worry again. I place the food on the counter but carry the bag of clothes with me. I use the strap of the bag to hold onto as a sort of safety precaution. It calms me down a little.

“Kellin?” I say gently. “Kellin, are you in here?”

I think I hear something, but I’m not sure. I stop in my tracks and listen. There’s a soft, muffled sound coming from the bathroom. I take a quiet step in that direction and, once I reach the door, I gingerly lean my head onto it. With my ear pressed to the door, I hear sobbing on the other side.

I knock on the door, not wanting to burst in and scare him. From what I’ve already experienced and what Tony has told me, Kellin’s always on edge. He’s like a frightened animal, and it pains me to think that someone can be made to feel that way.

The sobbing turns into struggled breaths and then a strained silence.

“Kellin, it’s Vic,” I say again. “Are you alright?”

There’s silence for another second, then loud crying.

_Shit, Lynn cannot hear this_ , I think and quickly open the door.

When I walk in, I look down to see Kellin curled up in the bathtub, the sleeves of his jacket pulled over his hands, feverishly wiping away the tears and muffling his sobs. My stomach tightens when I see him, and my heart drops.

He moves one of his hands from his eyes and spots me, then covers his face again and leans his head onto his knees. His body shakes in the tub every time a sob escapes him.

I’m not really sure what to do because I’ve never seen anyone so defeated--so broken. I then think of getting my acceptance letter from SAIC and my parents telling me we didn’t have the money for me to go there. I didn’t leave my room all weekend. What would I have done if someone had walked in on _my_ breakdown?

I set down the bag of clothes by the sink and sit on the edge of the tub, facing Kellin. He won’t look at me, but I know he knows I’m near him. He tensed up as soon as the tub creaked under my weight.

Sliding closer to him, I cautiously reach my hand out to him to run my fingers through his hair to calm him down. When my fingers are near his head, he flinches away and hits his head against the wall.

“Shit,” he whines.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I immediately reach out to check and make sure he hasn’t hurt himself--who knows how many times I’d done the same for Mike--but he cowers further into the corner. I frown when he turns his head towards the wall.

He sighs loudly, but it stutters into another sob. I stand up and lean over to grab the bag I sat down by the sink. Pulling it over towards us, I sit back down on the tub. Since I’m not going to be able to really comfort him, I might as well just start talking.

“I wasn’t sure what size clothes you wore, but I went ahead and grabbed some of mine and my brother’s shirts,” I explain as I pull the clothes out. “I only brought one pair of my jeans, though.” I laugh nervously. “I thought it’d be weird to bring you my brother’s pants to wear.” He’s still crying, but it has calmed down a little. “It’s nothing great, but it’s what I had. I haven’t worn the jeans in a while. Last time I did, they were kinda loose.”

I look over at him and see that he’s peering at me through strands of hair that has fallen in front of his face. I give him a small smile as I hand him the clothes. He takes them and sets them on his lap.

“I also brought back some food, but I left it sit on the counter. I’ll go get it ready while you change,” I say. “If you want to just throw your dirty clothes back in the bag, I can take them home and wash ‘em.” I put the bag next to the tub and stand up.

I’m getting ready to leave the bathroom--I feel so awkward in the situation and maybe fixing a plate of food will help me clear my mind--but I look back at Kellin and realize that he’s struggling to push himself up from his current position.

I walk back to the tub and stretch my hand out in front of him. He gives me a look I know well when he takes my hand--he feels like he’s being a burden. Instead of saying something, I just pull him up and let him use my arm for balance as he steps out of the tub.

“Thanks,” he mumbles. He looks at me again, and I think he’s going to say something else. He just drops his gaze to the clothes in his hand and shuffles his feet together.

“Right,” I sigh. “I hope you like chinese food.”

I close the door behind me and head over to the counter where I left the food. Not really paying attention, I separate one serving into enough for two people. It’s a habit I picked up when I would take Mike out to eat. We only ever had the money to pay for one meal, so we learned to split it the best we could. His plate always had more food on it than mine.

As I idly split the food, I start to wonder about Kellin. I’ve learned about the ex-boyfriend who came angrily searching for him and that Kellin is just about afraid of everything. I guess that latter is because of the former. But if the dude was so terrible to him, why didn’t he leave earlier? He’s obviously trying to avoid him now. What finally pushed him over the edge?

Then, I begin to remember the other night, when he fell asleep on me on the train. The black eye was worse then, and Kellin was completely out of it when he got on that train. Was that the night he ran? Or had he been out on his own longer than that? According to Tony, he’d only been here since that night.

I didn’t hear the bathroom door open, but Kellin shuffles over to stand on the other side of the counter. He drops the bag on the chair and looks over at me. I stop separating the food and glance up at him.

He looks so fucking tired and small, especially in my jeans and faded Queen shirt. I push the container with more food on it over towards him once he sits down.

“Thanks,” he says quietly.

“No problem, Kellin.”

He looks up at me when I say his name. There is so much sadness in his blue eyes it physically pains me.

“Do you feel sorry for me?” he asks, pushing the food around with a fork.

“What?” I’m caught off guard.

He pushes the food away and slumps forward, leaning his chin on his folded arms. He looks up at me again and repeats his question. “Do you think I’m pathetic? Is that why you’re helping me? Does Tony think I’m pathetic? Are you planning to butter me up and then take me back to Oli? Is this all some clever plan to take me back to him?” His voice rises with every question, and he sits back up. I worry that someone will hear him, but I’m more concerned with the actual questions.

“Kellin, calm down,” I say, holding out my hands in front of me.

He takes a few deep breaths and leans forward again. “I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. This is all my fault. Maybe I should just go back-”

“Whoa there,” I say. He looks at me. “Kellin, you’re not going back to that douchebag. I don’t know what he did to you, but if he made you feel like this,” I gesture to him, signifying his current state, “you deserve so much better.”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “No, this is _my_ fault. Maybe if I hadn’t spent all that time at Gabe’s, he wouldn’t have gotten so mad. Or I could’ve gotten him help for his drinking sooner, or-”

“Kellin,” I stop him. He has tears in his eyes. I’m not sure I’m ready, or if he’s ready, but I ask anyway. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can find _you_ some help.”

 

 


	5. I Still Hold Your Breath So You Won't Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a flashback scene that could be triggering. Fair Warning

KELLIN

I spend ten minutes pushing the chinese food around the container as Vic eats the other half. Well, it isn’t really half. His portion is much smaller. I avoided his question by taking a little bite. I do want to talk about it, but I know Oli would be so pissed if I talked about him like that. The guilt would hang over me every time I saw him.

Not that I am going to see him again. That was the whole point of this. I had to get away. Would talking about my problem make me think less about it? Maybe. But why should I trust this total stranger? Sure, we ran into each other twice now, but that doesn’t mean anything, does it?

He keeps glancing up at me as he eats. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Has he already decided not to waste his time on me? Does he have his own problems to think about?

“Are you done?” he asks, pointing to the uneaten food.

I nod in response.

“Alright.” He closes the container and puts it in the empty fridge. “There’s another container in there, if you get, like, super hungry later,” he laughs gently. It makes me smile a little. “So…” he looks around the suite.

Oh, he hasn’t forgotten about his question. My shoulders slump, and my arms fall to my side as I get up from the seat at the counter. I walk over to the couch and pull my knees up to my chest. This has been my go-to comfort position for quite some time now. More so in the past two days.

Vic’s still standing at the counter, so I look over my shoulder at him. He’s staring at me, but not the way Oli used to. Oli only ever looked at me with possessiveness and hatred. Vic’s eyes are full of sympathy and kindness. I nod my head to the spot next to me, hoping that he understands the invitation to come over.

His eyes flicker over to the spot I just gestured to, and I can tell he’s remembering something from before. Who knows what it is.

He slowly walks over and sits down next to me. I don’t say anything for a while. Neither does Vic. He just rubs his hands up and down his thighs like he’s trying to wipe them off.

I’m not sure why, but the habit makes me a bit nervous, so I place my hand on top of his to stop him, but immediately regret it. Oh, God. What if he gets mad at me? I shouldn’t have done that.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, pulling my hand away even faster. “It’s making me nervous,” I look away from him, not wanting to know his reaction.

“That’s okay. I’ll stop.” I catch him fold his hands together to keep him from moving them. “Don’t worry about letting me know those things,” he adds. “I don’t want to make you any more uncomfortable.”

I give him a confused look. He doesn’t say anything more.

I sigh and fall back into the couch. “Oli never asked if what he did made me nervous or cared if I did tell him.”

“Sounds like a real dick,” he scoffs.

“Please stop saying those things,” I whisper. My chest feels tight every time he insults Oli. He hated when people said shitty things about him in public. He took out the pent up anger on me most weeks.

“I- okay,” Vic bites his lip. “Okay.”

We’re silent for a bit longer until he asks another question. “Why?”

“Why what?” I reply.

“Why do my remarks about the ex bother you so much?”

I turn to give him an appalled look--the answer is obvious--but I see that he generally looks confused and concerned.

“He doesn’t like it when people say shit about him. It makes him feel inferior. In turn, he has to make someone _else_ feel that way,” I drift off.

I remember when I was with Matty one time, and just as Oli came to pick me up, he said that I needed to leave. Oli heard Matty use some other choice words and was furious. He dragged me home and screamed at me for an hour or two. He took me by the shoulders and slammed me against the wall, making me hit my head. He shook me until I was crying and didn’t let go until I promised to never talk to Matty--one of my best friends--again.

“So, he made _you_ the inferior one,” Vic whispers, figuring out the puzzle I’d created.

I nod slowly.

“Kellin, how’d you get that black eye?”

I feel the tears in my eyes. I shake my head. I can’t give up Oli like that. I guess Vic already knows, but I can’t just out Oli directly. I start crying again, so I go to wipe the tears away with my jacket, but I’m not wearing it any more.

“Hey, hey,” Vic scoots closer to me ever so slightly. “It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” He slowly reaches his hand to my face and gently wipes the tears away for me. “It’s okay.”

“No,” I say between sobs. “No, _he_ did it.” I straighten my back up and look at Vic directly. “I can’t keep reliving it.” I shake my head again.

“He called me a fucking bitch for not being home when he ‘needed’ me. He said I was only the whore he used right now to fuck on occasion. Well, one of those _occasions_ was that night, apparently.” I know my voice was rising by the look of almost horror in Vic’s eyes. I take a few deep breaths before continuing.

“He- he pushed me to the couch and kissed me, but not nicely. No, he wanted to make me suffo- suffocate without him.” There are so many tears, but I power on through them. I’m finally reliving the whole night outloud, and it sucks, but I’m afraid to stop at this point. “I couldn’t defend myself, so I just let him- I just let him do what he wanted, just like I always do. There’s no stopping Oli once he has his mind set on something. And that night,” I take a huge breath, “that night he wanted to make me hurt. So he- so he _used_ me how he wanted and then stumbled away.”

My chest feels so tight, and tears are falling into my mouth, but I have to get to the end of the story. “I co- could barely stand up, but I did and pulled my pants back on and started to go to the bedroom to sleep, but that’s not what Oli wanted. No, he screamed at me for getting up without his permission. He said he wasn’t done with me. He threw me to the ground, and I hit the coffee table on the way down.” I bite down hard on my lip. “I almost passed out, and he came over to me, trying to convince me I was fine, but I knew I had to leave, so I did.”

Once I stop speaking, the room is quiet. I forget that someone else is there with me until Vic lets out a sigh. I jump in response.

“Kellin,” he sounds so sad. I look over at him and see tears falling from his eyes. I suddenly feel really bad about making him cry. No one this beautiful deserves to feel sad. “Kellin, I’m so sorry, I-” he doesn’t have any other words. Instead, he says, “If I had even _thought_ about it that night, I would’ve done something more.”

“Wh- what?” I’m not sure what he means.

“If I’d known what happened that night on the train, I would’ve done something to help. And here I’ve been worrying about my brother making it through high school,” he kids. “At least Tony was kind enough to let you stay here for however long you need, right?”

“I can’t stay here any longer,” I say shortly.

“What?” he asks this time.

“I can’t keep you guys in danger any more. Not after what Oli did to him last night. Not after you’ve already done so much.” I start to get up and grab my phone from the counter. I’m going to leave right now.

“No, hey, Kellin, wait,” Vic gets up and grabs my wrist.

I go completely stiff in his grip and stay tense even though he lets go as soon as he realizes I’m nervous.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “But Kellin, you can’t just leave yet. First off, you have no where else to go. Second, you’re safer here than out on the streets. I don’t want that bastard,” I flinch. He corrects himself. “I don’t want _Oli_ finding you while you’re on your own. Third, even if Tony had known about him before he gave you the offer, I bet he’d still want to help. We _want_ to keep you safe and are willing to do anything for you.” He pauses, then gives me a small laugh. “Plus, Lynn can’t see you go. She can’t know you’re here.”

I want to argue with him, but I can’t. I can tell he’s not going to give up on his, and Tony’s, behalf. I know when to quit arguing.

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Okay,” he says wearily. “Have you been sleeping in the bedroom?” he asks out of the blue.

“What? No, I haven’t slept at all,” I admit.

He sighs. “Well, I’m either sleeping on the couch or the bed, whichever you don’t choose.”

“You’re staying here?” I ask, confused. “I thought you were just staying during the day?”

“Yeah, well, I can call my brother and tell him not to leave the lights on for me. It’s not like my parents are going to wait up for me to get home.” There’s that small laugh again.

“I’ll sleep in the other room,” I say, already heading that way.

“Alright,” he replies. “I’ll see you in the morning, then?” he asks kindly.

I turn around and see his caring face again. I nod and go into the bedroom. I look at the bed, knowing I’m not going to sleep tonight, but I crawl up to the pillows and under the blankets anyway. I pull the blanket close and hope that somehow Oli didn’t hear me rat him out to Vic.

* * *

 

VIC

I wake up at 4:46 to see that Tony responded to my text a couple hours ago. I sent it to him right after Kellin went to the bedroom, letting him know that I was staying in the suite. The text he sent back lets me know that he’ll be at work in about an hour from now.

Since I’m already awake, I give in to the urge to use the bathroom, but as soon as I walk by the bedroom, I hear Kellin groaning. Instead of ignoring it, I peer into the room and see him tossing and turning in the sheets. The blanket’s been kicked to the floor and forgotten by now. I step inside, but he’s still groaning and mumbling something into the pillow.

“Kellin?” I whisper, trying not to scare him. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t respond, and I realize he’s still asleep. He must be having a bad dream.

“Mm…” he grunts in his sleep. “M-Oli-”

 _Molly?_ I start to leave him to his dreaming, but then his breathing starts to get faster.

“Nnn-” he wraps the sheet closer to his chest, shaking and twisting around. “No,” he says clearly. “No,” he repeats, more urgently. “No!”

I jump into action, hoping to wake him up before he starts screaming. I can’t let him be loud or Lynn will find out and have me, and Tony, fired on the spot. It’s not like we don’t deserve it, but I want to avoid putting Kellin in danger. And disappointing my mom once again.

Sitting on the side of the bed, I stretch my hand over to Kellin’s shoulder. “Kellin, wake up,” I say, shaking his arm.

“Oli, no!” he twists away from me. “No!”

He keeps squirming to the other side of the bed, and I can no longer reach him. I huff, starting to get a little annoyed. Why won’t he just wake up?

I get onto the bed, scooting over to him on my knees. Once I’m next to him, I try nudging his shoulder again. “Kellin, wake up, please,” I beg. He’s on the edge of the bed now--there’s no more room for him to squirm away. His whole body shakes as I push his shoulder again. Then, I reach out to comb his hair back, wondering if the gentle touch will wake up, or at least calm him down in his sleep.

As soon as my fingers graze his forehead, he yelps and turns around the other way. Just as he’s about to fall off the bed, I dive over and wrap my arm around his waist, catching him before he hits the ground.

His hands immediately go to grab my arm and grip it tightly. I can’t tell if he’s trying to pry it off or hold on for more support. Either way, he doesn’t help as I struggle to pull him back onto the bed. I drag him closer to the middle of the mattress before I let go.

When I look down at him, I catch him staring up at me with fear in his eyes. His hair is plastered to his face with sweat, I assume. His breathing is loud and fast paced as I start to back away from him.

I’m planning on just leaving him--maybe he’ll fall back into a peaceful sleep--but I hear him whisper, “Wait.”

I look back at him; he still looks freaked out but is starting to breath normally again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“It’s okay,” I reply. I wish he wouldn’t keep apologizing for being afraid. It’s not his fault that he was hurt so much.

“No, I knew that I’d have nightmares, I just should’ve stayed awake,” he rambles. “I always have them when I’m alone. I keep seeing him when I’m asleep, so I just need to not do that,” he reasons to himself. “Obviously. At least when I was awake, I knew it was real when he-” he shakes at a memory.

“Kellin, you can’t just _not_ sleep,” I finally interrupt him.

He looks at me with sad eyes. “But I keep thinking he’s walking in,” he whispers, looking longingly at the door. “It always seems like the beginning, when he would hold me, but then it turns quickly to him screaming and hitting and usi-using me.” I can tell he’s starting to cry again by the breaks in his words. “I hate-” he stops, and I see the fear in his eyes again. “I hate him,” he whispers so quietly, I almost don’t catch it.

But I do. “Why didn’t you leave him sooner?” The question has been in the back of mind since he told me about that night, but I didn’t know if he would be comfortable answering it. I still don’t know, but I had to ask.

He makes a disgusted noise in the back of his throat, and I think that I’ve overstepped a boundary. I throw my hands up in defense and start to leave again. After Tony gets here, maybe I’ll head home for a little while. I could wash Kellin’s clothes while everyone else wasn’t home.

“I was afraid he’d follow me,” he says quickly, making me turn around to face him.

“What made this time different?”

He doesn’t say anything. He’s sitting against the headboard, twisting the sheet around his fingers. He looks at the door with an almost trance like gaze. I don’t think he’s going to answer me, but I don’t want to leave. Each time I do, he brings me back.

After a few minutes, he sighs. “I don’t know,” he says slowly.

It’s starting to get brighter outside, but it’s still dark and lonely in the bedroom. I can’t think of anything to say even though I have so many questions. I really want to know why Kellin stayed with Oli even though he abused him. I’m still not sure how much I can ask him without making him cry again, though. I really hate seeing him cry.

“I just left before he could catch up with me this time,” his voice interrupts the silence.

“This time?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I tried to leave once before,” his voice hitches. “He caught up with me, took me back inside, b-beat me.” Tears are welling in his eyes again. “I- I- I thought I w- was going to d- die that t- time.”

I climb up on the bed to sit cross-legged beside him. “Hey, shh, you don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to, Kellin.” I reach out to brush the tears away, but he flinches at the movement. I drop my hand onto the bed.

He sniffles, wiping the tears away himself. “I th- thought, I felt the same way last night, er, two nights ago, when I heard him come here,” he shudders. “I thought he was going to c- come up h- here and k- k- kill me.” He drops his face into his hands as sobs rack his body. “I thought he was go, going to kill Tone- Tony, too. It’s m- my fault he g- got hurt. It’s all- all my fault.”

“Kellin, please,” I reach out again, and he flinches again when my fingers lightly touch his head, but I don’t drop my hand this time. He’s still stiff, but he’s crying too much to stay tense. I scoot closer and move my fingers to his hair. Sitting next to him with only an inch of space between us, I slowly comb through his tangled, black hair.

His entire body shakes when he cries, and it makes me hurt to see someone else in so much pain. It kind of reminds me when Mike broke his leg my first day of high school. Our parents were home while we went to the park to play some soccer after school let out. He went to kick the ball and ended up swinging his leg right into the side of the goal. My friend Beau was the only one with a phone, so while he called 911, I slid right next to my little brother.

We waited forever for the ambulance to get there and didn’t think about calling my parents until Beau said something as we got ready to leave. I had been so focused on calming Mike down, I hadn’t bothered to think about telling my parents. It wasn’t like they were the ones that usually took care of him, anyway. Before my mom even walked all the way into the hospital, she was screaming at me for letting him get hurt.

Unlike Mike, Kellin doesn’t hold anything back when he’s in pain. I didn’t even know my brother could cuss like that until that day. He refused to cry in front of all our friends, but Kellin just lets it all out. Well, he isn’t now. At some point, he must have cried himself back to sleep because he’s now slumped against my chest, breathing deeply.

I can’t move, or won’t move. I don’t want to wake him up, especially if he hasn’t slept in the past few days. I don’t know how long this peaceful nap will last, but I’d rather stay here as long as I need to for him to get a little bit of good sleep than leave and not let him get any sleep. I don’t stop playing with his hair the entire time he sleeps on me.


	6. I'm Trying to Deal With the Pain

KELLIN

I open my eyes and feel something on my head and start to tense up. There’s hair in my eyes, but it’s not mine. Too soft to be my own. I can’t move, or Oli will wake up. _Just sit here. Fall back asleep. Don’t let him know you’re awake. Damn it, Kellin, go back to sleep!_

Something vibrates underneath my butt. It’s my phone, but I can’t grab it. I’m surprised it didn’t wake him up. I glance around the room and start to panic. This isn’t Oli’s room. Where am I?

A breeze from the AC unit blows the curtain over the window open. The sunlight shines on my face, and I see that the hair in my face isn’t dark enough to be Oli’s. One more look around the room, and I remember it all. I didn’t realize I’d even fallen asleep, but I do remember not moving away from Vic when he went to brush my hair back.

He’s tried doing it several times, but each time he got near me, I’d back away, and he’d stop. It’s something Oli used to do when we first got together. It used to be so relaxing. Until he started pulling my hair, even though I told him I didn’t like that. He’d grab my hair and make me do things I didn’t want to do. I hated it after that.

I knew Vic wasn’t going to do that, but I was still scared because every time hands were near my head, the outcome ended badly. I still don’t relax once I come to the conclusion Vic’s head has fallen onto mine.

I feel my phone vibrate again, reminding me I didn’t check the text. I don’t want to. It’s probably Oli. He knows that I ratted him out. He’s going to come back and beat me to death for it. He’ll see Vic and want him to pay for it, too. That can’t happen. I can’t let him get hurt. He’s been so kind. I already let Tony take a hit for me.

There’s another buzz, but this time it isn’t my phone. It’s coming from the other side of the bed. I look over and see Vic’s old phone lighting up. How does that thing even get texts? It starts going off loudly--someone is calling.

I think about just letting it go. That’s what I would do for Oli. He didn’t like being waken up for shit like that. The phone stops buzzing before I can decide whether or not to wake Vic up. Looks like I got saved from that decision.

Then, it starts ringing again. Someone really needs to talk to him. I tilt my head back so I now have my face pressed into his neck. I freeze. Oli used to love little kisses there, right underneath his ear, trailing the tattoos he had there. Vic doesn’t have any there, or on his arms from what I’ve seen.

“Vic?” I whisper. He’s still out. He must’ve been more tired than me. “Vic,” I lift my head up, making him wake up. I reach across him and grab his phone. Flipping it open, I hand it to him.

“What?” he says sleepily, fumbling with the phone as he puts it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, Vic. Is everything okay up there? I sent a text to Kellin, but didn’t get a response.” I hear someone’s muffled voice on the other end. I reach for my phone and actually check it now. There’s a text from Tony; nothing from Oli.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s all,” Vic yawns. “It’s all good. Just woke up.”

“Oh, okay.” Tony says. “Well, just let me know if you need something. I can chill upstairs for a while, if you need to go home or anything.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Vic stretches his arms. The one behind me rubs my back, and I arch away from it. I move over to the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around my knees. “Yeah, I’ll let you know before I leave. Bye.”

When he snaps his phone shut, he rolls away from me. He grunts into the pillow and then pushes himself up, swinging his legs off the bed. He sits up and finally looks over at me. It seems like it takes him a while to place what happened, but once he thinks about it, uncertainty floods into his eyes.

“Is- I’m sorry,” he rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean- I wasn’t planning on falling asleep again.” He covers his face with his hands. “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I raise my eyebrow. He didn’t do anything wrong.

“I just-” he looks over his fingers at me. “I don’t want you to feel, uh, uncomfortable or anything.”

“Oh,” I turn away. “No, that wasn’t your fault.” I take a deep breath and place my chin on my knees. “It’s mine. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve fallen back asleep.”

I hear him sigh, but I don’t see his face. He’s probably aggravated by me. I’m such a fucking burden on everyone. Damn.

“Kellin?” He’s standing in front of me now. I look up into his eyes. They’re brown, like Oli’s. Except Vic’s are darker in color and hold much more kindness and sadness than Oli’s ever did. His were only cruel.

“Yeah?” I whisper. I can’t make my voice any louder.

“Do you want some breakfast or anything? Do you, I don’t know, just want to do _something_?”

“I want to leave Chicago and never see Oli again,” I mumble, hoping he didn’t actually hear me.

He gives me a frown, so I guess he did hear me. “Do you want to talk some more?”

“Why do you keep asking me that?” I can’t believe anyone would really want to hear me talk about my life. It’s pathetic. Maybe if I hadn’t been so naive, I wouldn’t have fallen for Oli’s charm in the first place. “You can’t really want to know about all that shit.”

He sits back down on the bed, facing the window. He starts to rub his hands on his pants, then abruptly stops. He folds them together and sets them on his lap instead. “Bottling stuff up sucks. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself because of it, Kellin.”

“You said that the first day you were here,” I comment. “Are you speaking from experience?” I don’t want to talk about me right now. Maybe I can get his focus off my problems for a while.

He glances over at me with a knowing look. “Yeah, and that’s why I don’t want you to do it. That’s why I won’t let my brother keep anything from me. Kellin, if you need to talk about it, just do it. I’m not going to hurt you if you say something. I’m not going to let Oli hurt you anymore. I won’t judge you for your past.”

I laugh dryly. “Yeah, well that’s hard to believe since none of my _friends_ even cared.”

“I don’t think they were really friends if they didn’t try to help you, Kellin.”

“No, you don’t understand!” I pull my knees closer to my chest. “He would’ve hurt them if I left him. But they stopped helping once I told them I wasn’t leaving him. _They_ didn’t understand that I had to protect _them_ from Oli.”

“Maybe they should’ve tried harder to protect _you_ from him,” he sounds genuine.

“Why can’t you see that I _loved_ him, Vic?” my voice rises. “I _loved_ Oli, but he didn’t love me. I thought I could make him, but no one makes Oli do anything he doesn’t want to do. I wasn’t good enough for him, so he could never love me. I did everything he wanted, but it wasn’t enough. He still needed more.”

I lean over so that I’m curled up on top of the pillows. “I’m afraid he won’t be satisfied until I’m literally dying in his hands,” I whimper. I never really thought much about it, but now that feels true. “God, I’m a failure.”

Vic doesn’t say anything. He knows I’m worth nothing now. It’s just a matter of time before he shoves me back into Oli’s hands. No one can provide a safe haven for me forever. Not when I don’t deserve it.

* * *

 

VIC

I can’t convince him that he’s not a failure. Not when he doesn’t think he’s worth shit. I’ve tried comforting him, but it’s not working. I don’t want him to feel this way; it hurts me to see it. It’s only been a day of knowing him, and I care so much for him. I don’t want to watch him hurt so much.

A few tears started falling from my eyes as he went on about being worthless. I know the feeling. Maybe if I told him…

I take a deep breath and clear my throat. “My parents really love Mike. He’s pretty smart and talented. I know he’ll go far in life. They always wanted me to look after him, make sure he stayed out of trouble. They knew I didn’t get in trouble, so I would be a good role model.” I don’t know how much I’ll tell Kellin or if he’ll even listen, but I might as well start somewhere.

“Um, my mom started getting really pissed off at me when Mike got in trouble at school. He just liked to talk a lot in class, I guess. She blamed it on me. Then, he got hurt once--broke his leg. When she showed up at the hospital, well, that was the first time I ever heard her cuss,” I laugh nervously.

I don’t look at Kellin, so I can’t tell if he’s even paying attention. I don’t want to see his face as I talk about my shitty life. I know it pales in comparison to what he’s endured. I still want to open up a little. Maybe it’ll help him trust me more because all I want is to help him.

“Uh, in high school, I really started to get into art. I guess I was okay at it. Mom hated it because ‘art isn’t a practical ambition.’” I try to imitate her voice unsuccessfully. “Well, she wasn’t too pleased when I applied to the Art Institute for college, especially when she saw the price.” I remember the argument all too well. Dad took my side. Mike wasn’t home.

“Flash forward a year, Mike’s getting ready to end his first year of high school with okay grades and his first girlfriend. I got accepted to SAIC, but I didn’t have any other really amazing talents to get fantastic scholarships. The only other school I applied to was Northwestern. I got accepted there, too. My grades were good, but there just wasn’t enough money for it. I told my parents I’d pay for art school, but they refused to let me do it.”

This is always the worst part. I don’t want to talk about it, but I feel Kellin sit up and scoot closer to me. I’ve got to tell him if I want him to trust me. “Mike didn’t know I applied to those schools; he just knew I applied to _some_ schools. When Mom told me I couldn’t go to the school of my dreams for what she said was the money, but I knew was because she just didn’t want me to do it, I locked myself in my room the whole weekend.”

I pause for a moment. Am I really going to tell him this? I haven’t told anyone. “M- Mike is an amazing little brother. He’s helped me in my job hunt and whatnot. He, uh,” I know I’m blushing, but I guess if Kellin had a _boyfriend_ I shouldn’t be. “He was supportive of me telling my parents I was gay--even though that may have been why they didn’t want me to go to art school in the first place.” I bite my lip. “So, I knew I had to do everything to give him a better future. If I couldn’t do what _I_ wanted, I’d do everything for him to accomplish his goals.”

“You sound like an awesome brother,” Kellin moves closer to me now.

“Yeah, well, Mike thinks I just decided not to go to college, so every time I tell him to focus in school, he has the thought that I just gave up. I thought getting a job would maybe inspire him. I still hope it does. He also doesn’t know about that weekend. He was at a friend’s house when I got the acceptance letter and when I had the fight with my mom.”

I haven’t cried like I did that Saturday night since then. That was three years ago. Now, I’m reliving it, and I feel the tears starting to spill down my face. “Ugh,” I groan, rubbing my hands over my face. I shake my head. I don’t plan on crying like that again. Especially not in front of Kellin, who has it so much worse than I do.

“I, uh, didn’t plan on coming out of my room,” I finally say out loud. “It was me and Mike’s room, though. I knew my parents would be pissed if I ruined Mike’s future like that. I also convinced myself that his happiness and success was more valuable than my own.”

“So, you tried to get a job to inspire him?” Kellin asks. “What, were you just going to stay in your room forever before you came to that conclusion?”

I look over at him, thinking he’s got to be kidding. He’s not. He looks curious, which I wasn’t expecting. “I-” Maybe it isn’t the best time to tell him. “Yeah. Yeah, so I decided to just do things for Mike instead of myself.”

“You’re so selfless, Vic.” He’s sitting next to me on the bed now. He wouldn’t think that if I had told him what I really had planned. “You and Tony both are so amazing. It blows me away that someone could be so generous. I wish- I wish that I’d met you before Oli. I thought _he_ was caring at first.”

I stop thinking about how I’d just lied to Kellin once he starts opening up. Maybe one day I’ll actually tell someone about that night.

I sit there and listen to him recount the first meeting with Oli. I feel like he’s thought about it a lot. He must miss the Oli he fell in love with. Someone who showered him in gifts and what seemed like love. That was two years ago.

Then, Oli started hitting him. It kept getting worse. I can tell Kellin is skipping over some of the details. I don’t blame him.

“But I finally left him,” Kellin’s voice sounds hollow, almost like he’s sad about it.

“Kellin, that’s good. You needed to leave him,” I face him and place my hand on top of his thigh. It was a reflex--I was just trying to be comforting--but he tenses up as soon as I touch him. I recoil faster than the original movement. “I’m sorry.”

“Quit fucking saying you’re sorry!” He yells.

I’m taken aback. I didn’t think he had it in him, to be truthful. “I’m- okay.” I catch myself before saying “sorry” again. “I just don’t want you to be nervous. I promise you,” I look up him, hoping the gentleness I’m feeling is showing in my eyes. “I _promise_ you, I will not hurt you, Kellin.”

“I know,” he whispers so quietly, I barely catch it. “I just can’t trust…” he looks away, wiping tears away from his eyes.

Suddenly, all I want to do is make him happy. But how can I show him that I won’t be like Oli?


	7. I Don't Think You'll Ever Want to Love Me

KELLIN

Vic leaves soon after I yell at him. I’m such a fuck up. Why did I yell at him? I’d never had the courage to scream at Oli because I knew he’d come close to killing me if I ever raised my voice at him. I can’t even remember the last time I _did_ yell at someone. Well, I can now.

I hurt him. I could see it in his eyes. He had said he needed to check in with the other manager. Make it look like he had showed up for work today and not stayed here all night. He also said he might actually check the other rooms to make sure they were clean. What he’s really doing is avoiding me. I would, too.

“Oh, God,” I whisper. I’m becoming Oliver. I’m turning into a monster. I can’t let Vic talk to me again. What if I physically hurt him? Not that I could really do much. Vic’s definitely got muscles. I wouldn’t really hurt him. But if what if I tried to? That would literally make me just as terrible as Oli.

I need to leave. That’s the only option left. I can’t let Tony or Erin get hurt if he comes back, and I can’t let myself hurt Vic. He obviously has enough shit to deal with at home. I don’t want to be another burden on his shoulders.

I get up off the couch and walk into the bedroom. I grab my phone and text Tony.

_Are you working today?_ I send quickly.

_No, but Erin is._ He responds faster than I thought he would. _And isn’t Vic there? Do you need something?_

I bite my lip. He doesn’t know that Vic is avoiding me. So much for his idea for someone to keep me company. Tony is too generous and kind to see the poison in me. Vic is starting to see it.

_Just wanted to go for a walk. Wasn’t sure if the manager was here._ I text back, hoping he can’t read my thoughts like Oli seemed to.

_Oh. Lynn isn’t there, so you should be good to head out for a bit. Text Erin before you come back, though. Just to be sure she didn’t come in for anything. Do you want to meet for lunch? I could meet you somewhere._

Oh, no. I can’t tell him no. He’ll think something is up. What if it comes up while we’re at lunch that I’m not coming back? I can’t let him down. He’s done so much. Too much.

_You don’t have to, Kellin. It was just a suggestion. lol._ He texts back.

I let out a long sigh. _I think I just need to clear my head. Thanks anyway._ I grab my jacket that Vic forgot to take with my other dirty clothes and leave the suite.

I honestly don’t remember the hallway. I was so happy for Tony’s offer that night, I wasn’t thinking about my surroundings. I press the button for the elevator and step in once the doors open up. I press the ground floor button and stand quietly in the corner as the elevator slowly makes its way down. I’m out of the hotel’s back door almost as soon as the doors slide closed behind me.

Back on the streets of Chicago, it’s still freezing. I only have Vic’s t-shirt and jeans and my jacket to keep me warm, and that isn’t enough. I really want my coat, but it’s at Oli’s. I look at my phone. Right now, it’s 12:21, and Oli would be at lunch and heading back to work soon.

What if he can still track my phone? In a moment of panic, I quickly turn off my phone and shove it into my back pocket. Hopefully, no one tries to get ahold of me. Not that it matters because I’m not going back to any place here. Not the hotel, not Justin’s or Matty’s. I’m going to go to Oli’s, grab some clothes and my coat, get some extra cash, then leave Chicago for some place warmer. Much warmer.

I’ll never have to see Oli again. And I’ll never hurt Vic again. And I’ll never put Tony or Erin in danger again.

I walk down the street, trying to figure out where I even am now. I was so tired the night I ran away from Oli that I didn’t really keep track of where I was. Once I find the nearest subway entrance, I figure out the best way to get to the apartment from where I am.

I only have to switch lines once to get to Monroe. As soon as I get there, I take a deep breath. I know he won’t be here, but I’m still nervous.

The doorman recognizes me as I step up to the building.

“Kellin! I haven’t seen you in a couple days! Did you and Oliver take a vacation?” the old man asks kindly.

“Uh, no?” I say sheepishly, now looking for my key. _Damn it_ , I left it in my jeans which are with Vic.

“Oh, well, you both have been gone, so I just assumed. Do you need something, Kellin?” he asks, noticing my frantic searching of my pockets.

“I just- I can’t find my key.” I admit.

“Don’t worry! I’ll get you in,” he smiles and tosses me his keys. “Just bring ‘em back!”

I start to walk past him, but then something he said clicks. “Wait, did you say he hasn’t been here?”

“Yeah! He left a few days ago--I don’t think he was very sober that night. Hasn’t been back since. I hadn’t seen either of you, so I figured he had just taken you out for a trip. Somewhere nice, you know?”

“No, we didn’t go anywhere together,” I whisper. Who knows when he’s going to be back? He obviously isn’t at work right now. Oh, God. “Well, thanks. I’ll be back shortly.”

He nods his head, and I run up to our apartment. As I open the door, all the memories hit me. Everything, even time, seems to stop. I think I’m going to break down again, but I hear the floorboards out in the hallway creak. Oli could come back anytime now. I have to get going if I want to get out of here before he returns from wherever he went.

I run to our room but don’t look at the bed. If I do, I know I will cry. I grab some of my shirts and pants and a small bag that sits in the top of the closet. There’s about two hundred dollars in cash in the cookie jar--a habit I picked up from my mom--so I take all of it.

I’m ready to leave, but when I get to the door, I look back into the apartment. Two years of my life, wasted here. I’ll never get that happiness back. I’ll never be who I was meant to be because of what Oli did to me.

In a fit of anger, I smash the nearest picture frame to my right. Inside is a picture of us on our second date. I had loved it so much that I had to have it in the living room. It means nothing now. I grab a shard of glass and go over to the coat rack. After grabbing my own coat, I plunge the glass into Oli’s favorite leather jacket and tear it up.

Tossing the glass to the ground, I see that my hand is bleeding. It’s not too bad, so I just grab my things and slam the door. I go back down stairs and hand the doorman his keys with my uninjured hand so he doesn’t see the blood.

“Are you going on vacation now?” He asks in good nature.

“Yeah, yeah I’m leaving,” I say. It feels good to say that.

“Oh, where are you going?”

“Some place warm.” Which is true. I walk away and head back to the subway, not really knowing where I’m going. I know I’m going south at some point for the warmth, but I’m also going some place I can finally feel free. And maybe, eventually, happy.

* * *

 

VIC

Mom wasn’t home when I showed up to grab my own dirty clothes from this week to go throw a load in at the laundromat. I grabbed the bag quickly and some change from the mason jar before walking the few blocks. After throwing Kellin’s dirty clothes into the wash with mine--and probably some of Mike’s--I sat down to just try to process everything.

Now, while the laundry dries, I’m still thinking about how I’m going to help Kellin. I understand that Oli was super abusive, but I don’t know anything about that personally. I wish this was easier. I don’t like seeing this guy all sad and distressed and not being able to do anything about it because every time I get close, he jumps away, literally.

The drier goes off, pulling me out of my thoughts. I throw all the clothes back into my bag and decide to go back to the hotel first, that way Kellin has something comfortable and his own to wear instead of my clothes. I’m thinking about how I actually kinda liked seeing him in my clothes when I get onto the subway.

There’s no place to sit and barely any place to stand, so I stand right up against some other guy as we make our way through the underground. I happen to glance around, and think, _damn, Kellin looks hot in my Queen shirt and his dark jacket_. But he wasn’t wearing his jacket when I left this morning.

_Wait, why is Kellin on the subway?_ I’m staring at the guy who was supposed to still be at the hotel. Where did the duffle bag come from? Where is he going? “Kellin?” I call out.

He tenses up and sees me. The train stops, and he pushes himself out of the crowd. Since I’m right by the door, it’s easy for me to go after him. I jump out and run after him up the stairs. He’s fast and skinny, but his bag gets caught between people and rails, so it slows him down. I’m used to pushing through crowds, so I catch up pretty quickly. He’s still running away, though.

“Kellin, where are you going?” I call, trying to get him to stop. “Kellin, wait! Kellin!”

Still running, he brings his hands to his face and keeps going forward. I think that he’s trying not to cry--that seems like a Kellin thing to do--but he isn’t watching where he is going. Soon enough he’s at the crosswalk, still with his hands covering his face. The people around him don’t stop him, so he keeps walking into the traffic.

“Kellin, _stop!_ ” I get to him just in time to grab his hood and pull him back to the sidewalk and avoid getting hit by an oncoming car. I have my fingers wrapped in his hood and continue to guide him away from the people. I doubt he wants to break down in from of all of them.

There’s an abandoned shop at the end of the block, so I lead him to it so we don’t have to be in front of everyone. By the time we get there, he’s walking by my side with his head hung low. When I let go, I expect him to run away again, but he stands still in front of me. I then realize that he’s probably been forced places before like that, and I suddenly feel guilty for doing that to him.

“I’m sorry, Kellin. I didn’t mean to, like, trigger you or anything. I just, I’m sorry.” I stumble over my words, knowing my apology is shit.

“No, no, no,” he shakes his head. “Quit saying that!” He looks up at me now, and I see the tears streaming down his face. “You just fucking stopped me from walking out into traffic, and you’re _apologizing_?”

“I-I just didn’t want you thinking I was trying to force you like Oli did-”

“You’re not Oli! You just saved me! You’re not him!” he yells angrily.

“I know,” I whisper, not sure what I’m supposed to do.

He leans against the wall, dropping his bag to the ground, which reminds me that I wanted to know why he had it in the first place.

“Why do you have that?” I ask.

He sighs. “I was leaving.” He doesn’t look at me.

“Leaving? To where?”

“I don’t fucking know,” he pushes away from the wall.

“What happened Kellin?” People passing us are giving us dirty looks. “Do you want to go back to the hotel? I finished washing your clothes.” I hold up my bag to show him.

“No, I don’t. I’ve spent too much time there already. I have money. I’ll leave some to pay for the room. If it’s not enough, I’ll send some back once I get settled.”

“Kellin, you don’t have to worry about that. Tony said he’d pay for it, like he always does. I’ll even chip in a little, if I can.”

“What?” he looks generally confused. “Tony’s paying for it?”

“Yeah, didn’t he tell you that when he offered it?” I ask, wondering how much either of them knew about each other.

“No,” he replies shortly. “Now I _know_ I can’t stay there. I can’t waste his money. And what do you mean ‘like always’?”

I pick up his bag and throw it over my shoulder, on top of my own bag. “Come on, let’s go get some coffee.”

“No, Vic, you tell me right now!” He stomps his foot down and crosses his arms over his chest. It reminds me of Mike when he was little and would throw a fit to get something. Either way, it gets to me.

“He said he’s helped other people get back on their feet if they needed it,” I tell him. “He just wants to help, Kellin.” I step closer to him, and he backs away. “I want to help. Let us do this for you.”

“I don’t want to waste your money any more,” he looks at me sadly.

“Just one more night, then we’ll figure something out, okay?” I offer. Hopefully I can think of a safe option for him by tomorrow.

“Okay,” he replies.

I reposition the bags on my shoulder and walk with him to the nearest Starbucks. Once we’re inside, I notice that Kellin is extremely uncomfortable here.

“We’ll take it back to the hotel,” I say.

He only nods. After we both get our drinks, we start walking back to the hotel. It isn’t that long of a walk, but it would’ve been quicker to take the subway. However, I didn’t want him to run away and possibly get hurt. I have to protect him.

The walk also seems extremely long because neither of us say anything. We go around back and get in without anyone seeing us. In the elevator, Kellin is still quiet. Even once we are back in the suite, he doesn’t say a word. He just sits on the couch, all curled up. I wish he had a safe place to call home.

And that’s when I think of it. I know where I’ll take him to stay safe.


	8. If I Ever Let You Down, I'm Sorry

KELLIN

My hand is still bleeding. I keep trying to cover it up with the sleeve of my jacket, but I have the nasty habit of picking at things. Soon after it stops, I mess with the cut until I’m bleeding again. Vic hasn’t noticed yet.

We drank our coffees together, then he went to check on the other rooms. I think that was an hour ago, and he hasn’t come back since. I start thinking that he isn’t coming back. I pretty much betrayed his trust by running away. He’ll never forgive me. Neither will Tony.

But then again, Tony never told me he was paying for me staying here. What was his goal for having me stay here? And I wasn’t the first person he’d done this for. What was that about?

As I’m thinking, I hear a knock on the door and jump in response.

“Kellin? Will you open the door?” It’s not Vic, but I soon place it as Tony’s voice talking on the other side of the door.

I slowly get up from the couch and make my way over to the door. He’s going to be pissed that I tried to leave. I know it. I bet him and Vic talked about it. That’s why he hasn’t come back. He’s left for good and sent Tony to tell me before they kick me out. At least I won’t have to worry about what they do when I leave for good.

When I open the door, Tony’s standing there, looking around the hallway and popping his fingers.

_Shit, he’s gonna kill me. No one can be that nice all the time. It was always an act._

“Kellin? Is everything okay?” Tony waves a hand in front of my face, and I flinch away. “Whoa, sorry.”

“You’re not going to hit me?” I ask, but then quickly shake my head and back away when his eyebrows raise in confusion. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud, oh my God.”

“Kellin, what would even make you think that? Did I do something?” He looks like I hurt him. “I’m sorry if I did something to make you think that. I just came up to check on you. Vic had to run an errand with Lynn and wanted me to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” I turn away and head back to the couch. Of course he isn’t mad at me. I just over reacted. “I’m fine,” I repeat, more for myself rather than for Tony.

He comes over and sits across from me. He gives me a baffled look, rubs his hands together, then zones off staring at my hands. “What happened?” he asks.

I think he’s asking about why I was afraid of him hitting me. Images and memories of Oli swinging at me flash through my mind.

“Kellin, what did you do to your hand?” His urgent voice pulls me out of my thoughts. He leans forward and snatches my hand in his. My entire body goes stiff as he pulls himself closer to me. “How- when did this happen? Oh, God, come on.”

Before I can answer any of his questions, he’s guiding me into the bathroom, his hand still holding my wrist. I obediently follow him and let him push my sleeve up as he puts my hand under the water faucet in the sink. He grabs one of the wash clothes from the rack and soaks it in the water.

“Do you want to sit down?” he asks, closing the toilet lid.

I sit down as he jumps onto the counter and presses the cloth against the cut on my hand. As soon as he adds pressure, I gasp and try to pull away, but he keeps my hand near him.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m just trying to make sure it’s clean.” He wipes the cloth along the cut a few times, each time it stings like hell. He throws the cloth in the sink and lets go of my hand. “I think there’s a first-aid kit under the kitchen sink. I’ll be right back.”

He hops off the counter and leaves me alone in the bathroom. I zone out while he’s gone, not thinking of anything--something I picked up in my time with Oli. If I didn’t think, anything he was doing would be over before I knew it. Tony comes back into the room with a box that has a red cross on it.

“I’m just gonna wrap it with the gauze in here because there weren’t any band-aids the right size.” He picks up my hand again and wraps it twice. As we’re sitting there, I hear the door to the suite open.

“Perry, you better be praying to God that I don’t see you in there with that guy,” an angry voice calls in.

“Shit,” Tony’s eyes go wide. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Wh-” My heart starts racing.

“Shh, stay here.” He starts to leave the bathroom, but the manager is already standing in the doorway. “Lynn! I- I’m just- I can explain-”

“I told you this was the last straw.” She snaps her fingers and directs both of us out of the bathroom. She crosses her arms as we exit. She seems pissed off, but there’s also a bit of sadness in her eyes. Still, I’m totally freaked out. She may not be as big or strong as Oli, but I’m starting to fear for my life as I pass her.

When we go into the main room, I see Vic sitting quietly on the couch. He’s staring at the wall, eyes watering, but not crying. He’s rubbing his hands up and down his pants again. Both of us sit by him, but he scoots closer to the edge when I sit right next to him.

“You _do_ realize I’m going to have to call Pete and tell him what happened, right?” Lynn puts her hands on her hips, staring right at Tony, who refuses to look up from the ground. “I just hired this new guy for a new job that he supported. And this goes down? This is, what, the third time this has happened? I let it slide a few times, but this is it, Tony. I could lose _my_ job, too.”

“I’m sorry, Lynn. I just couldn’t-” Tony starts to say.

“Couldn’t what? Be heartless and let someone just _leave_ the damn hotel? First the singer, then this trainwreck, and then that British guy comes in after him? What were you thinking, Perry?”

I lean away from her as she’s talking. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen. She’ll send word for Oli, and I’ll lose Tony and Vic, and then, I’ll be dead by next week. I start breathing heavier as I get more panicked. This is it. This is the last anyone will know of me. Sitting between two of the kindest people I’ve ever met as they get screamed at for helping me. This is all my fault.

“This is all my fault,” I repeat out loud.

“What?” The manager turns her sharp gaze to me.

“Please, don’t fire them. They were just trying to help. I’ll leave. You’ll never hear from me again. Just please-”

“Kellin, this isn’t your fault,” Vic gives me a sad look.

“I’m sorry, but even if it was your fault, they still did it.” She looks away from us. “Grab your stuff and leave. None of you ever come back to this hotel.” She exits the suite and leaves us alone.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. There’s nothing I can say to really apologize. I just got them fired. “This is really all my fault. I should’ve never left Oli. Oh, God he’s gonna kill me. This is it,” I’m mumbling, but Vic catches what I say.

“Whoa, now. He’s _not_ going to kill you, Kellin,” he says, voice cracking. He sounds like he’s trying not to cry.

“Yeah, and don’t be sorry about us getting fired. It was bound to happen, at least for me,” Tony laughs shortly. “But we should probably leave before Lynn comes back up here and calls the cops on us.”

“What about Erin? She knew I was here,” I say, suddenly worried about Tony’s girlfriend. I already got two people fired today. I don’t know what I would do if she also lost her job.

“She won’t get fired. As far as Lynn knows, Erin never saw you here.” He looks at Vic. “What are you going to do?”

“Hope my mom isn’t home,” Vic replies.

“What?” I ask, obviously missing a conversation they had.

“Is this all you have?” Tony asks, holding up the bag I took from Oli’s.

“Yeah, but what are you talking about?”

He hands the bag to Vic. “Let me know if you need anything else, Vic. Kellin has both of our numbers, if you need to get ahold of Erin.”

“Okay,” he says. “Let’s go.”

I’m totally lost in what they’re talking about, but all three of us get into the elevator to take us to the main floor. We exit the back door and head to the road out front.

“Let me know how it goes,” Tony says, holding his hand out to us.

Shaking his hand, Vic sighs. “Yeah, I will.”

Tony lightly taps my shoulder. “Vic will make sure you’re safe, okay? You let me know if you need something, alright, Kellin?”

I nod, still unsure of what is happening. “Thank you, Tony.”

He flashes his smile at me, and I remember feeling safe when I saw it that first day. He walks away from us, then Vic leads me the other way down the road.

“Where are we going?” I finally ask.

He looks over at me and gives me a half smile. “I’m taking you to my house,” he says. “At least until I can find a better place.”

* * *

 

VIC

Thank, God, my mom isn’t home when I bring Kellin to the apartment. I don’t have a plan for what I’m going to tell my parents when they find out about him, but at least the empty home gives me a little more time to come up with something. Or figure out a good way to hide Kellin a bit longer.

He was quiet the entire walk from the hotel to the apartment. I think he still blames himself for Tony and me getting fired. I mean, I wouldn’t have gotten the job if he wasn’t there in the first place. I guess it’s only fitting that we go at the same time. Maybe what I felt that day of the interview wasn’t about the job--maybe it was about him.

Now in the apartment, I look at the dishes in the sink and think about all the things I could do around the house without a job. What am I even going to tell my mom? She would tell me to rid myself of this guy and find another job. Dad wouldn’t want the added stress of helping Kellin either.

“What the fuck am I doing?” I mumble to myself, as I lean over the sink.

“This is your apartment?” Kellin says from behind me. I jump when I hear him. Did he hear me? If he did, he’ll feel even more guilty.

I turn around and search his face for any sign that he can tell how nervous I am. He only looks curious and scared.

I take a deep breath. “Yeah, well my family’s.” I lean against the counter and hop up to sit on the side of the sink. Looking down at him, I can’t help but notice how beautiful and small he looks. He looks around the kitchen, blue eyes vacant as he crosses his arms over his chest. He rubs his arms as if he’s cold but doesn’t shiver.

“Family,” he whispers, his attention focusing on a picture of Mike, our parents, and me. We look happy in the picture. I wonder if an outsider could tell that I was falling apart inside when that was taken. He points at Mike and looks up at me. “He was on the subway that night, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s Mike. He’s at school right now, but he’ll be heading home in an hour or so. My parents won’t be home until this evening. So I have that much time to figure out what I’m going to tell them,” I say.

“You don’t want them to know about me.” He doesn’t sound sad about it. It just sounds like a fact that he’s known for a long time.

“I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t welcome here,” I answer.

“Vic,” he turns away from me. “I can’t let you do this.”

I bite my bottom lip. I know what’s coming. He wants to leave. He thinks he’s a burden, but I’m afraid if he leaves, he’ll go back to that Oli guy. That’s the big reason I don’t want him out alone. He still says stuff about going back to him even though he abused him. I don’t understand that.

“Vic?” He’s standing in front of me now, looking up at me with tears in his eyes. “I can’t stay here. What if your parents kick you out for this? I’ve already cost you your job. You weren’t even there a full week. I’m just ruining your life. I’ll ruin everyone’s life. I’ve already let someone ruin mine. I can’t do that to you. You’re too kind. I don’t want you to end up like-” he turns away again.

“Why don’t you get that I _want_ you to stay here? I want you to be safe, Kellin. I promised I’d do that, and I plan on keeping that promise, no matter what. Fuck what my parents say-”

“And you yell at me for just cussing _around_ them,” Mike opens the door with Alysha behind him.

I jump off the counter, pulling Kellin behind me. I know my brother saw him, but a part of me still wants to keep him a secret. “I thought you were at school?”

“I thought you were at work?” he laughs. “What gives? And who’s the dude you finally scored with?”

I don’t notice my hands are gripping Kellin’s sides behind me until too late. He’s gone completely still again. I drop my hands quickly. “No, no. It’s not like that,” I say to Mike. I look back at Kellin. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” I whisper to him.

He only stares straight ahead, lost in thought, I guess.

“Mike, can I talk to you real quick?” I gesture to his bedroom.

“Yeah,” he gives Alysha a smile then walks behind me. “Listen, please don’t tell Mom I came home early. It was just this once. We just wanted to hang out not in class-”

“Mike, this isn’t about your girlfriend.” I cross my arms. “And if you do this one solid for me, I might just look over the fact that you skipped class this once.” I try giving him one of those looks our mom always gives me--annoyed and disappointed.

“Okay, I’m listening.” He sits down on his bed and leans back against the wall. “You don’t want Mom and Dad to know about this boy, right? Y’know, he kinda looks like that dude on the train the other day. Do you have a type?”

“Mike!” I shake my head.

“Okay, okay. I’m listening. I promise.”

I try to organize my thoughts. What am I going to tell him? This so isn’t setting a good example. “That _is_ the guy from the train. His name’s Kellin, and he’s going to stay here for a little while.”

His eyes go wide, and I know he quit paying attention as soon as I said it was the same guy. “Kellin? You slipped him your number didn’t you? I was right. You have a crush, don’t you?”

“Are you actually listening?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go on.”

I sigh, knowing half of this will go in one ear and out the other. “Okay, first, I _didn’t_ slip him my number, I happened to meet him at the hotel. And, ugh,” I spin around on my heels. What all do I tell him? It isn’t my place to tell him about Kellin’s abusive ex-boyfriend. How do I tell him that I’ve already lost my job?

“Hey, I was just joking, Vic.” He leans forward, and I know he’s being sincere, but I’m so damn nervous about this whole plan.

“I know, Mike, I just- this guy’s been through hell, and I want to help him. He’s pretty much homeless now. I’m afraid that on his own he’ll do something destructive, so I’ve got to do something. I- I care about him. A lot like how I care about you. I wouldn’t let myself watch you go through this shit. I can’t let him either.”

“So Mom and Dad _can’t_ know about him,” He’s standing up now, looking down at me with a serious look in his eye.

“They wouldn’t get it.” I run my fingers through my hair, knowing how quickly this could all go south.

“They’d kick you both out if they found out,” he takes a deep breath. “Okay, then he can stay in here. They never come in my room anyway. I’ll help you make sure he’s safe,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Mike, I’m not asking you to do that. I just-”

“Do you have a better plan?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Well, no, but-”

“Then it’s settled.” He walks out of the room and back to where we left Kellin and Alysha. “Hey, why don’t we go grab something to eat, babe?”

“Sure,” I hear Alysha answer in the other room.

Just as I enter, they’re headed out the door. Mike smiles at me, then shuts the door.

Kellin is sitting on the couch, but he isn’t curled up like he usually is. In fact, he almost looks calm and peaceful. That is, until he looks up at me, and tears fill his eyes again.

“Kellin, what is it?” I walk over to him and kneel down in front of him. “Are you thinking about Oli again?” I figure that’s typically on his mind. He’s either frighten to death or assumes he’ll only be able to be with him.

“No, I wasn’t,” he laughs lightly and wipes away some of his tears. “I heard parts of what you said to your brother, and I just- I can’t believe this is re- real.” He starts crying even more. “I d- don’t deserve this, I know it, but for some- for some reason, here I am. I keep thinking this has to be some cruel j- joke; that you’re going to lead me back t- to Oliver, but I’m still here, with you.” He looks away from me and smiles at the door. “I’m still here,” he whispers again.

My stomach feels tight, and I think I might cry too, but I don’t. Instead, I lean back on my feet and stand up. I hold out my hand and wait for him to take it before I pull him to his feet.

“Well, I guess I’ll show you where you’ll be staying, then,” I lead him to the room Mike and I were just in. I hope that I don’t do anything that ruins it all because I really _do_ care about Kellin.


	9. What If I Still Care?

KELLIN

I wake up with someone tapping my shoulder. I’m disoriented at first. This isn’t Oli’s room or the hotel room. Where am I? It’s still dark outside, but there’s a dim lamp on in the room I’m in. The person who woke me up doesn’t look familiar. It takes me a while to piece everything together, but then I remember that I’m in Vic’s brother’s room.

“Hey, is everything okay, man?” Mike asks. “You were talking in your sleep. Seemed distressed,” he laughs tiredly.

“I- I’m fine,” I yawn. “What time is it?”

He leaves my side and looks at the alarm clock next to his bed. “Five thirty-ish,” he sets the clock down. “Sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.” He smiles at me before sitting back down on his bed and clicking the light off. “Good night.”

“Night,” I whisper back. There’s no way I’m falling back asleep now. I stare up at the ceiling, wondering what I was saying in my sleep. I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I guess it was Oli. That’s what it usually is.

After a few minutes of silence, I hear Mike lightly snoring. I figure no one else is awake yet, so I get up quietly and slowly open the door. I hear snoring in the next room, so I assume both of their parents won’t wake up for a while. I walk into the living room and see Vic curled up on the couch, also asleep.

Vic and I left yesterday shortly after Mike and his girlfriend left. We went and bought some groceries together. I told him that I had some cash now after I told him about going to Oli’s. He seemed freaked out about that, but couldn’t find the words to comment. Instead of waiting for him, I told him I wanted to help out some way. That’s when we decided to go to the nearby grocery store.

We didn’t buy much, but it felt so good to be doing something normal. I hadn’t realized how much I depended on it before. Last time, the food had never made it to the kitchen. At least, I hadn’t put them away. I don’t remember seeing any of it on the ground when I went in last yesterday. It also felt good to come home from the store with someone that wasn’t angry.

“Kellin?” Vic whispers in a sleepy voice.

I glance over at him, still curled up. He rubs his eyes, then sits up a little. “You can sit down,” he whispers and pats the couch next to him.

I walk over and sit down next to him. He’s still not all the way awake and tries to cover up his yawn with his arm. He doesn’t say anything for a while, and neither do I. I start thinking that this feels okay. The silence doesn’t scare me. Sitting next to Vic doesn’t scare me either. I’m starting to get used to this. Maybe it’s because I’m finally in a real home again, and I feel safer. Like those times I spent at Gabe’s or even before at Matty’s.

“Do you know what time it is?” Vic asks.

“I hope this doesn’t end like it always does,” I hear myself answer.

“What?” He raises an eyebrow in confusion. “What ends?”

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I say quickly. “It was about five thirty when I came in here,” I answer his question, hoping he won’t ask about what I said.

“Shit,” he sounds panicked.

“What?” I ask this time.

“My dad-” Just as he’s about to tell me, I hear someone walking around in one of the bedrooms. I doubt it’s Mike. “Fuck,” Vic whispers, eyes darting around the living room. “Fuck.”

“Vic, what’s-”

“Shh,” he puts his hand out to stop me, and I back away. “Just wait,” he says even quieter than before.

My whole body is tense. This is what it felt like when I would be home, in bed, hearing Oli come in the room. I’d freeze, and just wait for him to either quietly join me or not so quietly wake me up to do what he wanted. I feel like I’m going to cry again. This isn’t what I wanted. It _is_ going to end with Oli. It always does.

I hear a door shut, and Vic lets out a deep breath. “That was close,” he sighs. He looks at me and gets a confused look on his face. “What- oh, I’m so sorry. My dad just wakes up at quarter til, and I just- you were out here and,” he rubs his hands on his pajama pants. “But before he’s done in the shower, you should probably head back to Mike’s room.”

“O- kay,” my voice cracks even whispering.

As I get up, he gently grabs my hand. I freeze again. “But that won’t be for like, ten more minutes, if you want to stay out here longer,” he pauses, “with me.”

I sit back down and stare forward. I do want to stay out here, with Vic, but I also don’t want things to happen like this. I’m either stuck with Oli, stuck in a hotel, or stuck in Mike’s room.

Vic yawns again and leans away from me, towards the back of the couch. I can hear the running water from the bathroom because of the silence between Vic and me. I want to tell him how I feel--I know he’ll listen to me unlike Oli--but I’m still afraid that I’ll get ridiculed.

I look over my shoulder at Vic and see he’s staring at me with tired eyes and a small smile. I quickly bring my attention back to the wall I was staring at before. I lean forward and start tapping my fingers on my leg. Maybe now I should go to Mike’s room.

“Kellin, is there something on your mind?” he asks, sitting up in the same position as me. “You can tell me, if you want, but you don’t have to.”

I tilt my head to look at him again. His deep, brown eyes remind me of the way I saw Erin look at Tony that first day at the hotel. He can’t love me, can he?

“I just- I don’t want to be- I don’t know,” I stumble over my words. That thought keeps circling my mind. I believed Oli loved me, until I realized he never did. What if this is the same thing? Oli gave me gifts and things; Vic’s given me a place to stay safe and comfort. But it’s still the same, or is this different? Tony also worked to give me a safe place to rest.

“You’re not being a burden on me, if that’s what you’re thinking, Kellin,” he says suddenly.

I give him a confused look. That wasn’t in my mind, but now that he’s mentioned it, I guess it has been a reoccurring thought over the past few days. Oh, God, I am being a burden. I start breathing heavily thinking about it.

“Listen, I know what it’s like to feel that way,” he turns so that he’s sitting cross legged on the seat, facing me as I start to breakdown. “I feel that way all the time with my parents. And there are times that my mom can be kind of rude about my situation. And a lot has happened to make me feel like a waste,” he mumbles the last part under his breath. “But I still know they love me.”

I snap my attention to him. He still looks so sincere with what he said. I don’t think he meant to say it like that, but the question slips out of my mouth before I can stop it, but I don’t think I regret it. “Do you love me, Vic?”

* * *

 

VIC

“Yeah,” I answer, still too tired to really think about it. “You’re starting to feel like family, y’know? I don’t want to see you get hurt, Kellin. I care about you.”

He looks away from me, and I think I’ve said something wrong. I was just being honest. Everything I’ve done for him in the past few days is nothing short of what I’d do for Mike if the situation came along. I want him to be safe.

Kellin does something he hasn’t done since I met him in the subway. He turns around to face me and gives me a small, real smile. It makes me think how beautiful he is and that I wish I saw it more often. Happiness suits him well.

“Can we do something today?” he asks, and it catches me off guard.

“What? Like what?”

He shrugs his shoulders and leans back on the couch, lounging like he finally feels comfortable. He takes a deep breath. “I just don’t want to feel stuck anymore,” he says. It seems like such a sad thing to say, but he doesn’t sound low about it. That’s just how he feels.

“Okay,” I nod. “Yeah, well, what kind of stuff do you like to do for fun?”

His smile fades and is replaced by confusion, then sadness. “I- I don’t- I didn’t ever just _do_ stuff. And high school wasn't- I just stayed home.” He turns to me with a look of desperation. He doesn’t want to say it, and I understand what he means by it. When he wasn’t with Oli, it wasn’t for fun. It was to escape for a while, knowing that at the end of the day, he didn’t know what to expect from his boyfriend.

That’s when I hear the water shut off in the bathroom. “That’s okay, Kellin. I’ll figure something out,” I try to give him the sincerest smile I can. “But you should probably head back to Mike’s room before my dad gets in here.”

He nods, still looking lost from the last comment. He gets up quietly and walks silently to my brother’s room and shuts the door behind him.

I wrap my blanket around me again and try to think of what to do. I lie down and close my eyes, hoping that my dad will be out of the house quickly. While lying there awake, I begin to think of something to do with Kellin today. It’s still winter, so there isn’t much to do outside. Then, I wonder when was the last time he went to the Art Institute. My mind then wanders to the memory of the last time _I_ went.

I shake the thought from my head. I want today to be special for Kellin and not get ruined by events that happened in my past. Even if I did promise myself I’d never go there again, I would do it for Kellin. I think he’d appreciate it.

I don’t move when my dad walks by me on his way out the door. I think about waiting for Mike to wake up before I leave with Kellin, but I don’t want to risk the chance that my mom will see us. I turn around to look at the clock on the wall behind me to see it is six now.

I fold up my blanket and toss it on the back of the couch. I get up and walk to Mike’s room, hoping when I open the door, I don’t wake him up. I don’t--he’s still completely out. I walk over to the closet we share and grab the same outfit I wore for my interview. I walk by Kellin and notice that he’s fallen back asleep.

I leave the room before either of them wake up. I quickly go to the bathroom and change my clothes. I take a quick look at myself in the mirror and frown. No matter how hard I try to look nice, I know people will still look at me funny or sympathetically. I wish I could just accept people’s sympathy. Maybe it would help _me_ help _Kellin_.

I try not to waste too much time thinking about it, so instead, I grab some towels and put them on top of the toilet in case he wants to shower. I go back to Mike’s room and quietly kneel down next to Kellin. I tap his shoulder lightly, and his eyelids flutter open to stare up at me.

“If you want to go get ready, I’ll be waiting on the couch so we can head out,” I whisper, hoping I don’t wake my brother up. “Mom shouldn’t be up for at least another hour, so you should be good to shower or whatever.”

Standing back up, I stretch my hand out to him to help him up. He grabs my hand, and it makes me think about how smooth his hands are. He tugs lightly at my hand, and I’m pulled out of my thoughts. I pull him to his feet, but he doesn’t get his footing right away and stumbles into me. I expect him to quickly jump away from me, but instead, he slowly lifts his head to look at me.

“I don’t want to be hurt again,” he says sincerely.

“I won’t let you get hurt again, Kellin.”

“I know you won’t.” He doesn’t smile, but he also doesn’t get teary eyed. It’s just a fact we’ve established now. I’m glad he’s finally starting to see that.

He leans off me, grabs his bag from the floor, and walks to the bathroom. I stand in the room for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out what I’m going to do.

“Could you get any more chick flick?” Mike asks tiredly from his bed.

I jump. “I didn’t think you were awake,” I answer quickly.

“Don’t sweat it,” he says, stretching his arms and yawning. “I just woke up as loverboy left.”

“Don’t start that, Mike.” I don’t want him thinking that this is all because I have a crush on Kellin. Which I don’t. I don’t think. I hadn’t thought about it before. I had thought about his smile quite a lot recently.

“Start what?” he asks mischievously. “Listen, I don’t know where you’re going today, but Mom said she was going to work late tonight, so you can ‘hang out’ as long as you like with him.” He winks at me, like he’s suggesting something else.

“Thanks,” I mumble. “But I’m honestly just taking him out today, it’s _not_ a date or anything. I’m trying to be nice and helpful.”

“Yeah, I know. You do you. I’m gonna get ready as soon as your friend gets done in the bathroom. I hope he doesn’t use all the hot water,” he yawns through the last part.

I shake my head as I leave my brother’s room and go back into the living room. I sit on the couch and try not to think too much about today’s plans while I’m by myself. Instead of wasting away the time, I decide to text Tony and see if he wants to join us.

When he texts me back, I feel all the guilt I felt yesterday when we both got fired. _I’m going job hunting today. But if you want to stop by before you go, I’ll be home til 9._

It’s all my fault we got fired. Lynn cornered me as soon as we left the hotel for our “errand.” She knew all along that we were hiding Kellin upstairs. I couldn’t lie to her. She knew what was up. I still could’ve put up a bit of a fight, I guess, but she might’ve called the police if I had. What would’ve happened to Kellin, then?

My phone vibrates in my hand. _Erin made breakfast_. I smile, hoping he finds a good job today. He deserves it.

_I think we’ll stop by._

I stand up, snap my phone shut, and put it in my back pocket. As I’m turning around, I hear the bathroom door creak open and see Kellin holding the towels he used in his hands. He’s not wearing my clothes anymore. He’s got nice jeans on and a white, buttoned shirt. It’s so simple, yet he still looks like he never should have stumbled into me--we’re from two different worlds.

“I’m not sure what you want me to do with your towels,” he says sheepishly.

I smile and reach out my hand. “Here, I’ll take them.” I fold the towels over my arm and walk back into Mike’s room. He’s somehow fallen back asleep in the time I was gone. I toss the dirty towels into the basket in the corner of the room. Before I join Kellin again, I shake Mike’s shoulder.

“Hey, wake up. Go get ready for school.”

He groans and waves me off. “Go have fun on your ‘not date’ with Kellin,” he retorts, pushing the covers away.

I roll my eyes and shut his door behind me. Kellin is still standing by the bathroom door with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks over at me and gives me a small, forced smile.

Instead of asking what he was thinking about, I decide to go with small talk. “You look nice,” I say. After I say it, though, I feel so stupid. _Why the fuck did I say that of all things?_

He blushes and looks down at his clothes. “I just- I didn’t know what we were doing, and I saw that you looked all nice, so yeah, I just- yeah,” he trails off.

“Well, you definitely look better than I do,” I laugh.

He blushes again. “So, uh, where _are_ we going?”

“I figured I would surprise you,” I say only because I don’t want to think too much about it before I get there. I might back out if I start dwelling too much on it. “But first, we’re gonna stop by Tony’s.”

“Really?” At first, he looks shocked, then happy, then sad. “What if he’s mad at me still?” he whispers.

“Kellin, Tony isn’t mad at you,” I step closer to him, and he backs into the door.

“I know, I know,” he shakes his head as if trying to get rid of a thought. “I know,” he repeats. “Let’s just go, okay? I just need to be outside and clear up my head.”

“Okay,” I answer, trying not to get too sad with his typical responses. “Let’s go, then.”


	10. Just Open Up Like a Page in a Book

KELLIN

Tony answers the door after the first knock as if he were waiting for us. He’s all smile as soon as the door swings open. A wave of calmness washes over me as soon as I see him. There’s something about his happiness that puts me at ease. It’s like this guy is made of love. It’s a lot more comforting than seeing Oli’s face when a door opens.

“Did Vic tell you that Erin made breakfast? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason he decided to drop by,” he laughs.

“No, he didn’t,” I glance over at Vic, who just laughs along with Tony. If I didn’t know any better, I could’ve sworn they’d been friends forever. It reminds me of Matty and Jesse. I wonder if they are still friends since they forgot about me.

“Yeah, well she already left for work, but once I told her you two were stopping by, she made sure there was enough food for the two of you.” He walks around the counter and grabs two plates out of the cabinet above the oven. “Basically what I’m saying is that I hope you’re both hungry.”

“Practically starving,” Vic says sarcastically. He takes the plates from Tony and hands one to me.

After filling our plates with eggs, toast, and hashbrowns, we sit across from Tony in his living room. As always, Tony seems very calm about everything while both Vic and I are tense. I’m starting to notice that Vic is always doing something to cover up his nerves--mostly that really sad laugh when he talks about something emotional.

“Since he didn’t tell you about breakfast, I’m assuming he spent the walk talking about your date?” Tony jokes.

Vic almost spits out the bite of toast he just ate. “I didn’t tell him where we were spending today,” he gives Tony a bit of a glare. It isn’t mean spirited, but I know what it means when I see it because I heard him talking to his brother earlier--it’s not a date.

“Oh, well, I think you’ll love it, Kellin. It’s someplace close to Vic’s heart,” he smiles.

Vic gives him a confused look. “And how exactly would you know that?” He sits down his empty plate next to mine which is still half full.

“I saw your resume,” Tony states matter-of-factly. “I also heard Lynn talk about when we first met you.”

“Of course,” Vic grumbles. “Yeah, well, I haven’t been there in a few years, and I thought it’d be fun.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will be,” Tony says as if Vic’s sudden shift in attitude didn’t happen. He looks from him to me and back to him. “Just remember, the artwork you’re admiring is in a frame.” He winks at Vic and grabs the plates as he stands up.

I look back over at Vic to see his cheeks getting red. I wouldn’t have thought much about it if I hadn’t just been thinking about the fact that he was so persistent on denying our outing was a date. Do Tony and Mike see something in Vic that I haven’t caught onto yet? This isn’t a date, is it? No, like Vic said, he’s just helping me until I leave Chicago.

But he did say he loved me earlier…

Vic abruptly stands up and walks around the couch. “Well, I think it’s opened by now, and I want to see if my old buddy’s there to get us in cheaper, so I think we’re going to go ahead and make our way out.” He stops and looks over at me. “Unless you want to stay longer. I’m cool with that if you do,” he corrects himself quickly.

“No, we can go if you want,” I answer.

He smiles gently and turns back to Tony. “Thanks for breakfast, man. I hope the job hunt goes well today.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Tony replies, and for the first time I think I see him get a sad look in his eyes. He walks closer to Vic and whispers, “But I hope you find something today, too.” Tony’s eyes flick over to me, then he playfully pushes Vic towards the door. “Have fun today, you two!”

“Thanks, Tony,” I say as we head out the door. A thought crosses my mind, and I wonder if I’m really going to ever see him again, so I quickly jog over to him and give him the greatest hug I’ve ever given anyone. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. There needs to be more people like you in the world,” I whisper.

He returns the hug, and it makes me feel safe. Without putting too much thought into my actions, I quickly place a kiss on his cheek, right under where Oli punched him that night at the hotel. I know I can’t make up anything, but I hope he knows how thankful I truly am.

I walk back over to Vic--who looks like he’s just seen a ghost--and look back at Tony one last time. He’s got his hand on his cheek where I kissed him with a smile playing at his lips. I shut the door behind me with the biggest smile I’ve had in awhile.

Vic and I walk in silence for a while before I finally decide to ask again where we’re going. I don’t want to be annoying--I know the punishment for asking the same question over and over again--but curiosity gets the better of me, and I _know_ Vic isn’t going to hurt me. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”

He looks over at me like he forgot I was walking with him. “Um, we’re going to the Art Institute,” he finally says. “That is, if you’re cool with that,” he adds quickly. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“This is going to sound stupid, but I’ve never been there,” I admit. I’ve lived in Chicago my entire life, and I’d never been to one of the most iconic museums here. “It was never my thing, you know? And my parents never wanted to pay the money for it. I suggested it to Oli once,” I recall. “He told me he was covered in art. ‘Why go pay to see it?’” I try imitating his British accent, and fail. I half expect him to run around the corner and push me into the wall for mocking him.

Vic’s laughter keeps me from thinking about Oli, though. It’s not his sad, nervous habit laughter this time. It’s genuine and actually really loud. “Yeah? Well, the Art Institute was one of my _favorite_ places growing up. My parents took me and Mike when we were little. Mike was too young to really appreciate it, but I’m pretty sure that was the first time I fell in love.”

The look on his face is so happy that I never want it to leave, but it does all too quickly. I wonder what about it made him feel sad like that, but another question comes out of my mouth before anything about art does.

“When was the second time you fell in love?” I ask.

He laughs shortly and quietly this time. “What makes you ask that?” He gives me a smirk when he looks over at me.

“I don’t know. You just seemed so sincere about the museum, I wondered who was the first _person_ to get that look from you,” I say truthfully. Now I know Oli didn’t love me--at least not in the way someone like Vic can love. I never saw an expression like _that_ on his face in our two years together.

He smiles a little, then clears his throat. “Uh, I guess I _thought_ I fell in love in high school. There was this girl who kept asking me to dances throughout freshman, sophomore, junior year, and I couldn’t translate to her that I was, um, _not_ looking for a girl to go out with.”

There’s the nervous laugh.

“She wasn’t the one you fell for, was she?” I laugh as I ask.

“No, no,” he scoffs. “No, she wasn’t, but uh, I decided to ask one of my friends to go with me just to get her off my back because senior prom was coming up. But of course, when I asked him, and he said yes, I just felt something in my gut that felt right.” He looks at me with a curiosity in his eyes, but continues with his story instead of addressing it. “So, uh, flash forward a month to us going to prom together. We had to meet at Alex’s house because there was no way my parents were going to approve of me going to prom with another guy. And that’s when things kinda started getting weird.”

“Weird? How so?” Now I was just curious to hear this story. I like the way he tells stories. It distracts me.

“Well,” he tips his head to the side, popping his neck. “His good friend Jack decided he was going to tag along with us, which I was cool with. I mean, I’d only asked Alex because I wanted that girl to finally figure out that I was not playing for her team,” he jokes. “But I had known Alex for a long time, and we were really good friends. It felt amazing to be going to prom with him. He was beautiful in my eyes. Funny, charming, sweet.”

“You loved him?”

“I thought I did. At least, that’s what it felt like at the time,” he gets a sad look on his face. “Anyway, the three of us spent all night together. The only time Jack left us was when a slow song came on. I think he got the hint that I wanted to dance with Alex, so he found one of his buddies to do some horrid rendition of a waltz. So, we slow danced together. That’s when I knew I felt something for him. His smile made me melt, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.”

He smiles at the memory, but I know the story’s not over yet. “What happened next?”

The nervous laugh returns. “Do you really want to hear about my shitty senior prom experience? I promise, it doesn’t have a happy ending.”

“Tell me!” I ram my shoulder into his. I almost feel like I’m back in high school hearing his story. It’s like I’m hearing Matty tell his story of his first date with his girlfriend again. I don’t feel scared or anything right now. It feels good.

“Alright, alright,” he laughs for real. “The rest of the dance was pretty good, but then Alex wanted to go to his friend Zack’s house for a party. I just wanted to be with him all night. I’m pretty sure we weren’t there for more than thirty minutes by the time Jack was running around half naked and drunk. I was a little, uh, intoxicated at that point, too. I guess both of us had something in common that night. I was getting ready to make a move and just go up and kiss Alex, but when I turned around to find him, he had Jack’s hair in his fingers and his tongue down his throat.”

“Oh, man,” I whisper.

“Yeah, needless to say I left pretty quickly after that. Had to have my kid brother wake up my parents to come pick me up. Mom was pissed off. I couldn’t walk straight. I think that was, like, the third or fourth time I had severely let her down. So, the last few days of senior year were awkward because I couldn’t even look at one of my best friends as I walked past him in the hallways. Not to mention, we were two people away from each other at graduation.”

“That sucks, Vic.”

“I could have it worse,” he says, giving me a sad look when he says it.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “You could.”

* * *

 

VIC

We arrive at the entrance to the museum right as I finish my story--it couldn’t have been timed any better. Kellin slows down and looks up at the building.

“Wow,” he breathes. “I’ve been past it so many times, but never took the time to stop.” He takes out his phone to take a picture, mirroring the handful of tourists around us. He glances over at the lions sitting in front and smiles at the kids jumping around them to pose for their parents. It makes me feel weird inside when he smiles, but it’s also a good feeling.

I quickly grab my wallet from my back pocket and take out a small, faded picture from the first time I was here. I gently tap Kellin’s shoulder to get his attention, hoping it won’t scare him this time, but he flinches at the touch.

“Sorry,” I mumble. I don’t want to dwell too much on it, so I just talk about the picture instead. “This, uh, is from when my parents brought Mike and me when we were kids. Typical touristy things, right?” I laugh. “Got to have the kids on the lion.”

He lightly takes the picture from my hand and smiles again. Butterflies, that’s what people call it when they feel like this in their stomach.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and interrupts my train of thought.

_Have fun on the date_ , the text from Mike says.

I look back over at Kellin. He’s still smiling at the picture and stealing glances at the lion.

_I will_ , I text back.

“Would it be, like, terrible-Chicagoan of me to act like a tourist?” Kellin asks. “I used to love taking pictures to document stuff like this. I can’t remember the last time, but I think it was a date with Oli-” he stops immediately. He looks down at his hand with the bandage on it.

Tony had told me he wrapped it when he went up to check on him before Lynn and I came back. He didn’t know what caused it to be cut like that, and I think I might ask later, but now, I’d rather not make him upset. I want him to have fun today.

“Do it,” I encourage him.

“What?” he looks back at me, any trace of a smile from earlier is gone.

“Go stand by the lion!” I remind him. “I’ll take your picture,” I offer. “But you probably want it on your phone and not mine.”

“Right,” he mumbles. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to me. “It’s turned off,” he states.

I flip the phone around in my hands a few times before Kellin realizes I have no idea how to work his smart phone. He grabs it back and holds down the button on the top for a few seconds until the phone lights up.

He walks away after handing it back to me. The kids jump into their parents arms as Kellin climbs onto the platform and wraps his arm around the lion’s leg to keep himself from falling off. He looks up at the sculpture and smiles.

“Just drag the camera icon up to use the camera!” he shouts over to me.

I was so distracted by him that I forgot I was actually supposed to be doing something. I look back down at the phone in my hand, and as I start to drag the icon like he told me, I see the picture on his screen.

It’s the first time I have a face to match with the name Kellin fears so much. I understand why Kellin fell for him in the first place. Oli is very handsome. In the picture, they both look happy. Kellin’s kissing his boyfriend’s cheek as he takes the picture. I don’t understand how it all went bad.

“Vic! I’m going to fucking fall off if you don’t take the picture!” Kellin calls.

I look back up at him and finally open the camera on his phone. I walk closer, my thoughts still on the picture of him and Oli. I don’t think too much about taking Kellin’s picture on the lion while I’m doing it, until he tells me to make sure it isn’t blurry before he jumps off. Once I do look at it, though, I smile again. He looks just as excited as the kids did.

There’s a group of kids walking our way, and I get ready to help Kellin down when the woman with them taps my shoulder.

“Do you want me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend together?” she asks kindly.

“Oh, uh, no, he’s not uh, he’s not my, uh-” I stumble over my words, but Kellin takes the phone from my hand and gives it to her.

“Vic, come on,” he tugs on my arm. “I want to remember this. I want to remember how kind you’ve been to me.” He looks at me sadly and tugs my arm again.

I sigh, standing awkwardly in front of the lion’s platform.

“Alright!” the lady shouts, backing away a bit to get a better picture. “Smile!”

I look up at Kellin quickly to see his beautiful smile. I smile up at him then turn back to the lady. The flash goes off even though it’s pretty bright out for the Chicago winter.

Before getting the phone, I try to help Kellin off the platform, but he slides easily down to the ground, although he stumbles a bit with the landing. I catch him before he can really fall, and he grabs a fistful of my jacket trying to steady himself.

“I took a few just to make sure they were okay,” the lady smiles.

“Thank you so much, ma’am,” Kellin says, taking the phone back.

“No problem,” she responds before telling the kids to gather around the lion.

“That was so kind of her,” he whispers. He slides his finger across the screen to unlock the phone. I assume he’s looking at the pictures, so I take out my phone and send a text to my friend’s number, hoping he hasn’t changed it in two years.

As I’m texting, I hear Kellin laugh lightly and look over to see what he’s laughing at. “Am I making a stupid face?” I ask. “That happens sometimes. I’m not very photogenic.”

“Oh, you look great in all of them,” he replies, still flipping through the pictures. “Oh, look at this one!” He hands his phone over to me to see the picture. The lady caught us when Kellin slid off the lion. In it, he’s smiling and even though I look very concentrated on not letting him get hurt, for once, I don’t think I look sad in a picture.

I start to scroll through them, going backwards towards the first one, but after I get to the picture of us both smiling at the camera, Kellin snatches his phone back quickly. “That’s it. I already looked through them.”

“Okay,” I say, wondering what he might be hiding on the camera roll, but I don’t ask. “Let’s go see if I can find my friend.”

He nods and follows me up the stairs. As I start to open the door, a familiar voice is throwing insults at me.

“Look what the cat dragged in off the streets of Chicago! Man, they let _anyone_ into the museum these days, don’t they?”

I turn around to see Eric, an art friend from high school, taking the stairs two at a time.

“Well, they let _you_ work here, didn’t they?” I retort.

“Gotta stay in touch with the arts in one way or another. Did I tell you that after the band didn’t work out, Beau fucking moved to _Canada_ , of all places?”

“You’re kidding me, right? Isn’t that where his girlfriend was from, anyway?”

“Yeah! I know you don’t do the whole social media thing, but they’re getting married! The first of us off to a new life,” he laughs. He then looks over at Kellin, who looks slightly confused, and sticks his hand out. “Whoa, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even introduce myself to Vic’s date. I’m Eric, friend from high school. We were going to dorm together here at SAIC, but I wasn’t smart enough to get in and Vic’s a cry baby.”

“Okay, first off, rude,” I shake my head at him. “Second, I’m bringing Kellin here because he’s never been to the museum before and thought he’d like it.”

Kellin shakes Eric’s hand gently and then drops his arm to his side. I didn’t realize how close we were standing to each other until I feel his hand hit my thigh. I go to step away, but when he doesn’t do anything about it, I stay where I am.

“Okay, okay, whatever. You want in free or not?” Eric looks at Kellin seriously, and I roll my eyes. “This is some sketchy stuff we’ve got to do to get you guys in. You’ll be needing a fake mustache, a mop, and handcuffs to get in.”

Kellin’s eyes go wide, but before he can freak out, both Eric and I are laughing. Eric claps his hand down on Kellin’s shoulder, causing him to jump, then freeze up. “Oh, man. You looked so terrified! I’m totally kidding. Perks of knowing people on the inside, as long as I don’t get caught. And trust me, there’s too many other people here for anyone important to see me let you guys in.” He opens the door and leads us inside.

I gently pull on Kellin’s sleeve as he stares idly in front of him. “Hey, come on. Eric’s just a joker, but he means well. I know you’re going to love it, trust me.”

He blinks a few times, then looks over at me, a faint smile forming on his face. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning, I might hit you hard with the next two chapters. Both have depressing plots, but they're different types of angst. So basically, I'm apologizing in advance. xoleighbird


	11. I'm Destroying What I Love

KELLIN

We follow Vic’s friend Eric into the museum, but I’m already getting a bit jittery with so many people around. Also, other employees give the redhead guiding us suspicious looks. He just nods his head and smiles at them. No one says anything to us, but I still feel like they’re going to throw us out.

I assume he senses my discomfort because Vic’s fingers lightly touch my wrist. I snap my hand away on instinct, but when I see the hurt in his eyes, I wish I hadn’t.

“Alright,” Eric says as we enter a huge entrance that’s almost blinding because of the amount of white. White walls, white floor. It’s also very open, but there are a few doors along the walls that lead into smaller rooms that people gradually walk in and out of.

It’s much less crowded in here and also much quieter. I already start to feel a bit calmer because of that, but I also feel out of place. This is a building for scholarly people--those who appreciate art. People like Vic. I barely graduated high school. I realize this is all going to go over my head. My heart starts to race.

“Now, I know Vic is going to get excited over the paintings and our new exhibit, but my _personal_ favorite is the photography room right over there,” Eric points to a door on the left. “Do you still have those pictures I took of you painting? When we went to that fair or whatever?” he asks Vic.

He blushes in response. “Uh, yeah actually.”

Eric nods his head. “Good, you’ll have to remind him to show you them,” he turns his attention back to me. “Some of the best pictures I’ve ever taken, and this little shit had to keep them for himself because he wasn’t _comfortable_ with me putting them into my portfolio. What a selfish bitch, am I right?”

He laughs quietly, but still earns a few glares from passersby. I don’t think he meant any harm, but Vic’s expression is enough to show his discomfort at the remark even with the nervous laugh.

“Well, I’ll leave you guys to your date, then,” Eric slaps Vic’s back before leaving us in the white room.

I don’t know what to say to Eric because every other time someone’s called this a date, Vic’s gotten defensive. This time he just looks up at me with his brown eyes as if wanting to ask me a question. Is he finally going to address that?

“So, do you want to check out the photography?” he asks.

“Oh.” _Come on, Kellin. Be practical. He’s not in love with you. No one is._ “Uh, yeah. Sure, you’re the expert here,” I answer.

Vic smiles at my statement and gently grabs my hand to lead me to the room. I try not to think about the action much, but my mind is running around in circles about this friendship we have. I’m starting to get nervous about the idea, and I can’t get caught up in something like that again. I don’t want to hurt Vic like Oli hurt me. I fuck up everything, though.

He opens the door to the room and nods to the man standing in the corner, watching over the never changing photos. We’re the only two visitors in the room, and it feels too quiet in here. I feel like I’m going to do something stupid. This is exactly the kind of thing Oli would avoid doing because it’s too easy to bring attention to ourselves here.

“Do you see anything you like?” Vic whispers next to me.

I glance over at him, then around at the pictures. “Everything’s in black and white,” I note. Nothing seems to really catch my eye. Even the guy working is in black and white. Even I am black and white--with my clothes and pale skin and dark hair. I suddenly feel like I could disappear into the essence of the room.

The only thing that holds my attention for longer than a few seconds is the only color in the room--Vic. His eyes, his jeans, his shoes.

“Yeah, that’s the thing with the photography here,” he whispers again. “That’s one of the reasons I like the paintings so much better.”

“What are the other reasons?” I ask.

Vic smiles. “I don’t think words could describe them,” he answers. His smile is sincere, and his eyes seem to be dancing with excitement, but the nervous laugh at the end makes me wonder what he’s thinking about.

I don’t ask because he turns around and walks out of the room. I quickly follow him, not wanting to be left behind, but when we walk through the side doors, I stop. Vic’s halfway out the door and back into the hallway when he realizes I’m not beside him.

“Kellin? Oh,” he laughs when he sees me staring into a dark hall in this little area between rooms. I hear some noise in there, but nothing distinct. Partially curious and kind of nervous, I reach for the door handle and open the door. The sound is louder now, but I can’t place what it is.

Vic walks in with me, the door shutting quietly behind us. “What is this room?” I wonder out loud.

“This,” he says, gently guiding me further into the room. I start to tense up. It’s too dark in here. I don’t like the noises. What the fuck is going to happen in here? Oh, god. Is Oli in here? Is he waiting for me? What is he going to do to me? “Is the videography room.” Vic laughs again, and it pulls me out of the fearful thoughts.

“The _what_?” I look back into the room and notice that he’s led me into the actual room. On the ceiling--or what I assume is the ceiling because it’s too dark to tell--is a small screen playing a video of fireworks. No one else is in the room besides Vic and me, and I don’t blame others for not coming in here. It’s really creepy, but also just kind of lame.

“An entire room for film, and that’s it?” I ask. “This?”

Vic laughs again, and it’s that loud, genuine laugh from earlier on our walk. I feel my stomach flip, and immediately feel myself shut down. Why do I feel like this? That feeling is only for Oliver. I can’t have that for anyone else. Did he notice that happened?

“Yeah, well, maybe now’s the best time to show you my favorite paintings,” he says. No, he couldn’t have noticed. “It can only get better from here, right?”

I nod, hoping my sudden on-guard-ness doesn’t come off as strongly as I feel it inside. We exit the videography room and go back into the blinding main room. I have to blink a few times to let my eyes adjust. I look over and see Vic do the same.

He looks back over at me and smiles when he catches my gaze. “Alright, upstairs we go,” he says. Vic walks over to the stairs and takes two at a time. He gets to the top and patiently waits for me to catch up. Once I do, we walk down hallways, and he points to the different rooms and explains the different pieces in each one. I can’t help but wonder how many times he’s been here.

“But here’s the thing,” he says. “That one over there has one of my favorite paintings.” He gestures to a room down the hall and smiles dreamily at it.

“Then, let’s go see it,” I suggest.

“Don’t you want to look at other art? I mean, it’ll still be there later,” he rushes his words.

I look at him and sigh. “Honestly-” I pause. If I say I don’t care much for art, he’ll hate me. I know it. When Oli used to tell me all the things he hated about my interest, I got so sad, but I gave them up for him. I can’t do that to Vic. “I- I want to see this painting. Y’know. If you love it so much.”

His face lights up, and it makes me want to smile, but I don’t because I feel so out of place here already. I follow him, but my mind is somewhere else. Even though I’m awkward here, Vic fits in perfectly.

It’s not that he matches the tourists with their phones out and fancy clothes--he’s the exact opposite of them. However, he fits right in with the atmosphere. The already colorful paintings seemed to become far less interesting when Vic walks past them. They turn cold when he looks at them. Every so often, he spews out a few facts about a painting--its name, painter, year--and pauses to let me look at them.

Then, Vic stops in front of a really creepy picture of some scary looking man. He frowns at it and looks over at the person dressed in all black standing in the corner with a distressed look in his eyes, then starts to walk off again without giving out any information.

I begin to walk with him, but something about the painting has me hooked. The whole painting gives me an almost Burton-vibe to it, and I really like it.

“Hey, Vic?” I call, not taking my eyes off the man in the painting. His face looks like it might melt off.

“Hmm?” Vic stands next to me, kind of close.

“What can you tell me about this?” I notice the plaque next to it, but I’d much rather hear him tell me about it than read the description.

“Well,” he walks right over to the plaque and squints his eyes to read it. “It’s-”

“Vic,” I say, a little upset that he did exactly what I avoided doing. I cross my arms over my chest as he glances over at me.

“What?” he asks defensively.

“What do _you_ know about this painting? If I wanted to come to read the plaques, I could’ve let that Eric guy give me a tour.” I step closer to Vic, but he frowns again and steps away. I grab his arm and tug him back towards the painting. “Please?”

He sighs and slumps his shoulders. “ _Picture of Dorian Gray_ , painted by Ivan Albright. Going off my memory, I think it was painted in the forties, but I could be wrong.” I doubt he is with everything else he’s said about other paintings.

“He, uh, he painted it for Oscar Wilde’s movie adaptation of a book with the same name.” I look over at Vic to find him staring back at me, as if wishing I would be satisfied with that information.

“What was it about?”

Vic huffs again, and I know I’ve pushed him too far. I shouldn’t have asked about the painting. Oh god, he’s going to drag me out of here and leave me on the streets until Oli gets to me again. Maybe I could go back to Tony’s? He’d let me stay, but I can’t be a burden on him anymore.

“Now, you’re _really_ making me think back to what I researched about this,” Vic laughs quietly. “You okay?”

“What?” I flinch away from him as he places a hand on my shoulder.

He’s smiling, but there’s worry in his eyes. Is all I do is make him worry? I should’ve just left long ago. This is all pointless. I can’t believe-

“Kellin?” Vic tilts his head to the side and gently grabs my hand. “What did _you_ like about this painting?”

“What- I just- I don’t-” I stutter, trying to think straight. Why am I always overreacting? Was I always going to be like this?

“Here,” Vic pulls on my hand and leads me back to a little bench in the middle of the room. We sit down, still facing the painting. “These really come in handy for long trips through the gallery.” He stays quiet with me for a few minutes, then reinitiates his question. “So, what was it about Albright that caught your eye?”

* * *

 

VIC

I have no idea how to handle Kellin. I want him to feel safe with me, but I don’t want to make him feel like a baby. How much is too much with him? Sometimes he flinches away when I just look at him, other times--like right now--he doesn’t even seem phased by us holding hands.

“I- I just always loved, uh, kind of weird movies like, like Tim Burton films?” he says, almost unsure of himself.

“Really?” I ask. That’s the first thing he’s actually said about himself that didn’t have to do with the boyfriend. He nods, and I smile. I get where he’s going with this now. “It has a very Burton-esque feeling to it, doesn’t it?”

He looks over at me, then down at our hands, as if just now noticing that our fingers were interlocked. I thought he would pull his hand away, but he just looked back up at my face.

“Yeah. That’s what I like about it.”

“Well, there are more Albright paintings here, if you want to see more.” I would rather look at anything else than Albright because of the memories attached to them, but if Kellin wants to look at them, I’ll do it. I decide to go ahead and dive into the story behind the painting, even though I’m sure most of what I’ll say is on the plaque.

I look back at the painting and try to remember the notes I took on it the last time I studied it. “The story’s about this guy, Dorian Gray, who gets this self portrait done while he’s young and attractive. Later on, the man goes and trades his soul in order to stay young and beautiful but is a really shitty guy. He lives this evil life, still looking young, but all the while, the painting rots and ages as Gray becomes more corrupt in his years. It reflects how Gray decayed inside.

“Albert Lewin, the director of the movie, knew Albright was the best choice to do the painting for the film. The entire movie was in black and white, _except_ the painting because he really wanted to show off the dramatic transformation of the man in the story.”

I turn back to Kellin, who’s staring at me with so much concentration, I wonder how I couldn’t have noticed.

“Amazing,” he whispers.

I clear my throat and stand up, letting our hands fall apart. “Did, uh, did you want to look at more of his paintings?”

He bites his lip, and I really wish he didn’t. I’m trying to pretend like he isn’t getting to me, but every so often he does something that makes my stomach jump. I can’t let it happen. It’s too soon for him. I don’t want to mess him up even more.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure,” I answer, hoping it’s about a painting.

He looks at the empty spot next to him, then over at a bench in the corridor that doesn’t have any art by it, then back to me. “Why didn’t you want to talk about this painting?”

I slump my shoulders because I knew it would be something like that. I spin around on my heel and collapse onto the seat next to him. I let out a deep breath--better to just get it all out there now, I guess.

“When I came here the first time, when I was a kid, that picture fucking terrified me, and in turn, scared Mike. Since I saw how afraid _he_ was, I tried to be brave and walk up to it to look at it, but started crying when I stood next to it,” I laugh nervously. “Um, but then, when we walked past it again, I decided I _had_ to look at it up close if I wanted Mike to look up to me to be brave, so I did it. He then came running up next to me and asked all sorts of questions.

“Flash forward to being here in high school for art classes and whatnot. I always remembered Mike and I getting over our fear here. Then things started to not be going too well for me. I was accepted into amazing schools and really wanted to go, but I knew that I wasn’t going to have any support from my parents. I didn’t want it, for one thing, because I didn’t want them to be more in debt because of me. Also my mom sure as hell wasn’t going to help me pay for it.

“Uh, so last time I saw it, I just couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever look like that,” I glance at Kellin and see his almost disgusted face at the remark. “I mean, not like gross and greedy and shit,” I add quickly. “I just mean, would I make it to that age? And then, it was the last painting I looked at before my mom called me home. That was the weekend I locked myself in my room, and that question, that thought of never making it to old age, it wasn’t even an option in my mind at that point.”

Then, I feel all the pain I felt that weekend again. I didn’t see a bright future. I knew I had come to the end of my life. If I couldn’t go after my dreams, what did I have? I knew Mike would be okay without me. My parents would have more money for him. More money for the apartment and groceries. They wouldn’t have to worry about their gay son that wanted to be an artist. It all would’ve been better that night.

“I know that look,” Kellin says, stopping me from thinking about it anymore. I don’t realize I had started crying until he pulls his sleeve over his fingers and wipes a tear off my cheek. “There was a time with Oli, when he was extra violent,” he swallows his words, as if not wanting to relive it. “That’s how I felt, though.” He pauses. “You said you weren’t going to come out of your room that night,” he whispers, as if he finally got what I meant when I first told him.

“Yeah,” I whisper, not finding anymore voice to answer him with.

He goes to reach for me again, and part of me really wishes he would just do it, but drops his hand back onto his lap. “Why- why don’t you show me that painting you were talking about earlier?” He motions to the Albright painting and says, “If this guy’s other work looks anything like this, I don’t think I can handle any more creepy-man paintings today.”

I smile at the statement and get up, hoping the Dali painting is closer than I thought. The longer I’m in the museum, the more I think about the time I had so much hope to be so close everyday. Then, I think about losing all that hope and swearing I would never come back here. It holds too many memories for me.

As we walk, I can’t help but notice all the people looking at the art. It’s real easy for me to figure out which people are here because it’s one of those monumental places to visit and which ones are here because they love art.

Down the hall, there’s a man looking at a painting, and he hasn’t moved since I saw him down there earlier. There’s a girl nearby with green hair sitting in front of a Benton piece, chewing the end of her pencil while observing it. She quickly jots down something in her notebook and goes back to staring at the painting.

I see people walk behind her and give her weird looks. It’s a situation I would’ve died for after high school: to be taking notes on my favorite piece and having people question what I was doing because normal tourist don’t understand how much we love art.

Now that I’m thinking about people giving _her_ strange looks, I start to acknowledge the glares Kellin and I are getting from random strangers. Then I notice one of the people that work here is staring at us. I widen the gap between us, hoping we get less looks.

“I think that maybe after we see the Dali painting, we should head out,” I whisper to Kellin. I don’t want to worry him, and I can tell how bored he is already. This was such a stupid idea.

“Okay,” he replies quietly. It seems like he hasn’t noticed the looks we’ve been getting, and I’m thankful for that. I don’t want him worrying anymore than he already does. I guess that means I need to stay calm about this. I need to make sure he’s okay.

“I’m pretty sure it’s in this room,” I tell him. In fact, I _know_ it’s in this room because I spent long hours here for an art project my senior year of high school.

We’re just about to enter the next room, when I see Eric jogging over to us. My stomach drops when he reaches me because I know something has gone wrong.

“Hey, guys. How are we enjoying the artwork?” He glances around to his coworkers, but keeps walking with us.

“Kellin really liked one of Albright’s pieces,” I say, hoping he has some sort of good news to tell us instead of my suspicions.

“Oh, really?” he looks around again, still hardly looking at either of us. Then, he runs his hand through his hair and then rubs his neck, and I know we’re in trouble. It’s exactly what he used to do when he didn’t have an assignment the day it was due or when he needed help getting out of sticky situations.

I sigh, knowing this is the end of our time at the museum. All the memories of the times I felt comfortable here flood my mind and wash out the current trip. I used to love this place, but I had to make myself hate it because I knew I probably would never come back. I really don’t want to leave.

“Well, there’s another one by him just around that corner,” he says, throwing his arms around our shoulders and guiding us away from the room. “How about I show you guys it?”

“Well, Vic was going to-” Kellin starts to say.

“No, no,” I interrupt him. “This is fine. We can go look at Albright.”

I look over and see that Kellin is really tense, but it doesn’t seem to be because of the trouble. I assume it’s because Eric just flung his arm over his shoulder, but I can’t really be sure.

We walk down the hall where there are no other people, and Eric drops his arms from our shoulders. “Okay, I got ratted out on, so it’s time for you guys to leave if you don’t want to be _escorted_ out,” he gives me a knowing look.

“What?” Kellin asks, sounding lost. “What happened?” His voice rises and a few people start to give us dirty looks.

“Kellin,” I place my hand on his shoulder, and he jumps away. “Kellin, please,” I beg. “It’s fine. We just need to leave, okay?” I step closer to him and lower my voice so Eric doesn’t hear. “We’re going to be fine, I promise. Oli is _not_ going to find you here or anywhere as long as I’m here with you. I won’t let him hurt you.”

He looks at me with his sad blue eyes. “Okay,” he mouths.

“Alright, love birds, time to go.” Eric leads us down the hallway and to the main room. “Sorry you didn’t get to check out the Ireland exhibit. I know you would’ve loved it, Vic.” He pats me on the shoulder and smiles at Kellin. “Nice meeting you.”

Before he leaves us, he walks us out the front door. No one stops us, but I’m sure he’s not going to work here much longer after this. I feel bad, but I also know that this probably isn’t the first time Eric’s done something like this. He’s always been one for mischief.

We walk out the door, and Eric gives me a big hug before we part ways. “It was great seeing you again, man,” he says. “I hope to see you, _and_ some of your work soon.” He lowers his voice and smiles, “Also, I know you will, but take good care of this guy. He’s a keeper.”

I wave goodbye, and lead Kellin down the stairs. We walk in silence mostly because I can’t get Eric’s words out of my head. While he wasn’t ever really book smart, he always seemed to be so intuitive about people, and he always knew the right thing to say.

It’s been years since I’ve felt any inspiration to make art, but something about the museum today gave me a burst of energy that I knew was going to be for creating something soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time between updates might be a bit longer now because I've caught up to what I've written. Also: the information about "Picture of Dorian Gray" came from artic.edu because while I have seen the painting before, I couldn't have recalled all that information on my own. xoleighbird


	12. And You've Got Your Foes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS FOR WARNINGS, SO IF YOU DON'T NEED TRIGGERS WARNED AND DON'T WANT SPOILERS SKIP THIS PLEASE AND THANKS.  
> I'm assuming if you've read this far, you've seen the other warnings, but here's another special one for this chapter. I won't give any plot points away and if you don't need trigger warnings, skip this so you aren't spoiled, but IN THIS CHAPTER THERE ARE MENTIONS OF: violence, suicide, rape, and like everything all packed into one chapter, I am so sorry. This is very angsty.  
> xoleighbird

KELLIN

We spend the rest of the day out in Chicago. We go to a few book stores, a few big stores, and a few second hand stores--neither of us buy anything. I keep telling Vic I’m fine with going back to his house--even though he looks nauseous at the thought every time I suggest it. I actually want take a break and start looking for a train ticket and plan where I’m going after this.

I just feel like I’m on the run, and I absolutely hate it. The only time I don’t think much on it, is when I happen to glance over at Vic, and he seems so caught up in his thoughts. When he’s not thinking about avoiding home, he looks kind of amused. I haven’t figured out what it is yet, but I occasionally catch him glancing at me with a small smile on his face.

When I catch him this time, it’s dark outside, and his nose ring reflects the light from the nearest street light. I remember seeing him on the train that night I left Oli’s and thinking how unintimidating this guy was. I wouldn’t have ever guessed he would be so caring though.

Maybe I should’ve figured it out when he was kind enough to wake me up before he left his seat that night. Maybe I should have realized it when he stayed for the hotel job, even though its _real_ purpose was to help me. Or when he comforted me. When he took me home so that I wouldn’t have to live on the streets until I made a plan to leave Chicago. When he took me to his favorite place in the world.

“Hey, Kellin?” Vic asks, breaking the silence we’ve been in most of the day.

“Hmm,” I answer, still thinking about all the _good_ things that have actually happened over these past days. They all seemed to be overpowered by fears and memories of Oliver, but now, they’re all in my mind, and they’re amazing.

“What are you thinking about right now?”

“What I’m going to miss when I leave Chicago,” I respond.

“Oh,” he says. There’s a pause, and I wonder if he’s going to say anything more. “What are you going to miss most?” He finally says.

I stop walking and face him. “These past few days. I spent my entire life here, in this same city, and the only thing I’m _really_ going to miss is having this feeling that people care about me. Tony, Erin, you,” I smile. “Even your brother, just for the simple fact that he’s related to you and let me sleep in his room.” I feel tears well in my eyes, stinging in the cold wind, but I know I’m not sad.

Vic turns away, but I see him smile. I wipe my tears away, and when he looks back at me, he’s still smiling.

“I wish your only happy memories weren’t just from this week, but I’m glad that I could be a part of it, Kellin. Truthfully, all I’ve been focused on for the past three years was to make my mom happy and keep Mike safe. But after this, after meeting you, I’m starting to realize that the only way I’m going to make it through this is by doing what I love.” Looking away again, he clears his throat before continuing. “You’ve inspired me, Kellin.”

“What?” I ask, generally confused. How has my shitty experience _inspired_ him?

He smiles and reaches both hands forward. I do the same and our fingers meet in between us, intertwining. “I want- no, I _need_ to make art again. I haven’t felt this way in years, but being with you, seeing you smile even though you’ve gone through so much shit, it makes feel warm and- and- I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s the same thing I used to feel when I saw amazing pieces of art or some scenery I wanted to recreate. It feels _right_.”

The excitement in his voice makes me want to get excited, but I’m not sure what about. I think I understand what he’s saying. Art was his passion, and when he couldn’t further that passion he gave up--almost gave up completely. Instead, he tried to be rid of it and influence his brother. Now, now something was different. And it’s me.

An idea crosses my mind, and before I can really think about it, I blurt out, “Come with me.”

“What? Where?” Vic takes a step back, but our hands don’t fall apart.

“Away from here. Leave Chicago with me, Vic. There are plenty of art schools, and I know not all of them are _this_ one, but I’ll help you start paying for it. It’s the _least_ I could do for everything you’ve done for me. And I feel safe when I’m with you. Vic,” in the excitement of the moment, I pull him closer to me, “we could start over together.”

A frown slowly works its way onto his face. “Kellin,” he sighs. “I- I can’t just- I have- I-” stumbling over his words, he finally pulls his hands away from mine.

I’ve done it. The moment has passed, and I now realize I’ve said too much. Now he’s going to hate me. I was too rash. I should’ve been calmer about it. This is the _exact_ thinking that got me into the relationship with Oli in the first place.

“Kellin, it’s not you,” he quickly steps closer to me, but I back away. His shoulders drop, and he looks at me with so much hurt in his eyes. Why do I keep fucking hurting him? “Kellin, I would _love_ to leave with you, but I- I can’t just leave my family. And it’s not like we can just keep running from our problems. Memories will _always_ stay with us, Kellin.”

I bite my lip and walk away. He quickly catches up, but doesn’t say anything. He’s made his point. I understand, but I don’t want to accept the fact that what Oli did to me will forever be in my life somehow.

We walk in silence for a while. I think we’re slowly getting closer to his house, but as the time goes on, it quickly gets colder in the night. Neither of us say anything until we see a familiar face walk down the stairs of a nearby house.

“Mike?” Vic calls out.

His brother hops down the stairs and looks up into the window on what appears to be the second floor. The girl that was in their house yesterday peers out and blows a kiss to him.

“Hey, guys. How was the date?” He asks, walking in between us.

I think I see Vic glare at him, even though he seemed to quit getting offended by the comment earlier today. “Eric can’t keep his mouth shut,” he grumbles.

“Ah, so he told you he got caught again?” Mike laughs. I wish it would break the tension, but it doesn’t.

Sensing the awkwardness, Mike starts to talk about his night with his girlfriend--Alysha. “I won’t go into _too_ much detail, but damn she’s amazing.”

He keeps talking, but I quickly quit listening when I see a figure down the road. My stomach tightens. _No, no, no, Kellin it’s not him. Calm down. It’s the night playing tricks, and you’re paranoid._ But a few more steps, and I stop walking completely. _Yes, it is._ I know it in my gut. I back up slowly, hoping he hasn’t noticed. Maybe if I keep backing away, the other two will block me from his vision.

“Kellin?” Vic looks back at me, concern on his face.

I shake my head quickly. This is it. I’m a goner.

“Kellin, what is it?” He runs back to me, but I’m quickly backing away again. When Mike walks over to us, Vic looks over his shoulder and sees him, too. “ _Fuck_ ,” he whispers.

“ _Kellin?_ ” Oliver shouts down the road. “What the fuck are you doing?” He yells angrily. He’s walking towards us, then picking up pace, getting into a run.

I start to back away, but I know he’ll catch me. I always knew he’d find me.

“Whoa, Mike,” Vic grabs his brother by the arm, his voice and actions turning serious immediately. “Take him home, or somewhere else safe. Remember our _deal_. Promise me.”

Oli’s getting closer, and I’m still backing away, but curious as to what Vic has planned. Are we _all_ going to make a run for it? Because if we are, we _really_ need to go.

“Okay, I promise,” Mike looks down at him, sadness in his voice. They lock their gazes, a silent agreement passed between them.

Vic looks over at me, and something seems to be making him look more nervous than me. Mike grabs my hand and leads me away. Vic turns around and straightens his back as Oli approaches him.

“Kellin, come on,” Mike whispers, pulling me down the block.

“Wait, what-” I stumble, trying to keep up with Mike’s long steps. “Where are we- What’s Vic doing? What- Mike?”

As we turn the corner, I hear Oli shout, “Where the fuck are you going, Kellin? Get back here!”

“Why don’t you fuck off, man?” I hear Vic say.

“No, no, no!” I pull away from Mike, but he’s quicker than me and keeps me walking forward. “No, we can’t leave him there with Oliver! He’ll- he’ll get- Oli will- Mike, we have to go back-”

“Kellin, we have to go,” he sounds just like Vic right now, but I can see the fear in his eyes for his big brother. “Vic knows what he’s getting into. This is what he wants. He wants us to be safe. So, we need to go be safe!” It’s not so much of a command, but a plead.

“We can’t leave him!” I cry. “Oli could kill h-”

“We have to go, Kellin!” Mike keeps pulling me along, but I fall to the ground near the edge of someone’s stairs. He falls with me, and we sit there in silence.

I can hear them shouting, but I don’t know what it’s about, then I don’t hear shouting. I hear one of them groan loudly in pain, and I know it isn’t Oli. Mike knows that, too. The tears are streaming down my cheeks, but I can’t get up. Mike is holding me down, even though there are tears falling from his eyes as well.

“Do you think you can fucking protect him? That bastard will _always_ come running back to me!” Oli shouts. I hear something drag against the sidewalk, then another loud groan. “Without me, he has nothing. So if he chooses to be away from me, then I’ll make _sure_ he has nothing.”

I want to scream for help, but as soon as I open my mouth, Mike puts his hand over it. “Please, don’t. He’ll just find us quicker,” he rationalizes.

I push away his hand. “Or someone will call the police! Mike, your brother- Vic is going to die if we don’t call 911!” Now _I’m_ pleading with _him_.

“No!” he whisper shouts, then he chokes back a sob. I can only hear what sounds like punching and groaning from around the corner. “That’s- that’s part of our deal. I can’t call 911, there can’t be any ambulances,” his words rush out. “Ever since I broke my leg when we were little, we made a pact. If one of us gets hurt, we fix it ourselves or get our mom to take us. We-”

There’s a sharp intake of breath echoing around the corner. I shut my eyes, hoping this is all a nightmare. I’ll wake up in Mike’s room. We’ll all be safe as soon as I open my eyes.

Mike is sobbing just as much as I am. “We just can’t afford to go to the emergency room, that’s why it’s our pact. Mom was pissed when she got the bill in the mail. That’s when Dad picked up his third job. We can’t-”

I grab my phone out of my pocket.

“Kellin, no, please, don’t call-”

“I’m not going to call 911,” I say. I really don’t want to add any extra stress onto him, but he’s the only help I can get right now.

I go to my recent contacts and click Tony’s name. He answers on the second ring.

“Hey, Kellin! What’s u-”

“We need help, Tony. Oli found us, and Vic confronted him, and me and Mike are just sitting here, and we can’t call the police, and we-”

“What street?” he asks quickly. I hear him rummaging around.

“Uh, uh,” I look around for a street sign, but don’t see one.

“Marquette and Maryland!” Mike answers.

“I’ll get there soon,” Tony says, sounding like he’s winded already. “Stay where you are, Kellin. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore. I’ll get Vic out of this, I promise.”

* * *

 

VIC

As soon as I saw Oli, I knew what I had to do. Mike and I have a deal that if one of us is hurt, we go home first. Our parents can decide if we go to the hospital. I know I could make that decision for myself, but I have less money to pay for that sort of bill than they do.

After I push Kellin away with Mike, part of the overwhelming fear leaves. At least they’re going to be safe. I trust that my brother will figure out a way to get them home without crossing paths with us again. The only part of the fear that’s left is what will happen to me now.

Oddly enough, when I stand up against him, it almost feels the same way it did that weekend my mom told me I couldn’t go to art school. Knowing where her strong pain pills were from her surgery years prior and also knowing how easy it would be to take one too many with a cheap bottle of liquor from the nearby store. I never thought of that as fear, though. But the adrenaline running through me then feels the same now.

“Why don’t you fuck off, man?” I yell at Oliver, hoping he won’t just push me to the side and keep going. From what I’ve heard, I doubt he’ll pass up an opportunity to hurt someone so much smaller than him.

“Who the fuck are you?” He spits in my face. “Where did they go?”

“Oh yeah, I’m going to tell an abusive asshole where they went,” I try to be sarcastic like Eric. It was never a strong feature of my personality, but he always had plenty to spare. “What is a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend even doing in this part of town? From what I’ve heard, you wouldn’t even know where this part of town was. Unless you’ve found yourself a new defenceless kid to beat up on around here. Or you’ve gone back to drinking your fucking brains out.” I feel proud of myself, even though I can see the anger blazing in his eyes.

“What the fuck has that bitch told you about me?” he screams, roughly grabbing my shirt and pulling me close to him. I have to stand on my tip toes to keep any balance. “Huh? You think he’s so great, but I bet he hasn’t told all the shit _he’s_ done? Yeah? Did he tell you _where_ I found him? Did he tell you about living on the streets for months? _How_ he made enough money to afford to live?”

I try to process the information, come up with some way to ignore the accusations, but I’m caught off guard. I don’t know anything about Kellin except he’s terrified of this guy.

He must see it in my expression because Oli’s grip loosens on me, and he smiles wickedly. “You think you found an angel, didn’t ya?” He shoves me away but takes a step closer when I stumble back. “Yeah, well those angel eyes can be deceiving. They make you forget his past. Not to mention his little problem with running away.”

There are too many thoughts running through my mind at the moment, but I decide to go with the only one that goes with the original plan. I know Mike and Kellin haven’t gone too far yet, but this is how I’ll buy them some time.

“Better than being a fucking douche bag who raped the boy he supposedly ‘loved.’ Tell me, how do you think the police would react to this information?”

The anger in his eyes has finally made it to his fist. I knew it was coming but didn’t move fast enough to dodge the blow to my nose. I groan louder than I expected to. I’ve never been punched in the face, and I didn’t think it was going to hurt that bad.

Before I’ve even figured out if I’m going to even attempt to fight back or not, I’m being shoved against the wall, making my head hit the bricks. He holds me against the wall and hunches over to look me in the eyes.

“You’re just as bloody stubborn as he was,” he growls.

After slamming me against the wall again, he throws me to the ground.

“Do you think you can fucking protect him? That bastard will _always_ come running back to me!” Oli shouts. He swings his foot forward and kicks me in the gut. I feel like I’m going to vomit. “Without me, he has nothing. So if he chooses to be away from me, then I’ll make _sure_ he has nothing.”

I want to say something back--if he’s angrier he _definitely_ won’t go after Kellin--but I can’t find my voice in enough time. He drops down on top of me and starts punching me furiously before I can cover my face to protect myself.

After the first few minutes, I quit feeling the pain from the new punches because the first ones still hurt so much. I feel something wet running down my face, and I’m not sure if it’s sweat, blood, or tears. I can tell Oli is still screaming at me, but I can’t make out the words anymore.

He stops and gets up, and I try to drag myself away, thinking maybe he decided to run away before someone found us, but instead he easily pulls me off the ground and slams me against the wall again. I think I hear something crack, but nothing hurts enough to really tell.

There’s still yelling and spit adding into the whatever is soaking my hair and face. Nothing quite makes sense anymore. The sounds and pains all mix together. My vision is blurring, so I just close my eyes, hoping it’ll all be over soon. To try to ignore the pain that won’t stop as long as he keeps swinging, I let my mind wander.

I wonder if this is was my senses would’ve been like if I had gone through with my suicide. I wonder if the warning labels on the pills to not take them with alcohol are because of this sensation. I wonder if when someone does that, their vision gets all skewed like this. If they start to go numb as their bodies fight against the deadly combination. I wonder if nothing would have been distinguishable like this if I had done it.

I hear something different now. It’s not Oli’s screaming. It almost sounds like a siren, but that can’t be right. Mike knows not to call the police. It was our deal, right?

No matter what it was, Oli’s stopped punching me. Things start to clear up a little, but that only makes everything hurt more. The back of my head hurts like a hole has been blown out the back. My face is still numb, but I feel sore all over.

“Get off him, bastard!” I hear someone yell. I think it’s the police--the siren is more distinct now--but once I hear Oli run off, the person stops running after him.

“Vic! Vic, can you hear me? Oh, my god,” the voice sounds familiar, but I know it isn’t my parents or Mike. “Listen, I need to get you to the hospital. Oh, shit, this is bad,” the voice is starting to fade away.

I open my eyes, hoping to see who the person is, but they are too blurry to make out.

“Vic, can you respond at all?” They grab my hand. “Squeeze my hand if you can let me know you can fucking hear me, please.”

I try my hardest, but I’m not really sure if I did it. It’s so dark out. How is it getting even darker? Did the pills work? I don’t remember getting them out of the medicine cabinet or going to the liquor store, for that matter.

“Oh, god, you can hear me. Vic, Vic? It’s Tony. You know, Tony Perry? We worked together for a couple of days? Please, Vic, don’t die on me.”

Tony? I’m not already dead? When did I find work?

“Vic, I need you to do _something_ to let me know you’re alive, please,” he tries to lift me up, but it hurts so fucking bad that I let out a yelp. “Okay, well you’re still alive,” he mumbles. “Listen, Erin took Kellin and your brother back to our house. They’re both freaked out, but they’re safe. Can you hear me? Kellin and Mike are safe, Vic.”

Mike is safe. That’s all that matters. “Mmm- Mi-” I try to say his name, but barely a sound comes out.

“Yeah, your brother Mike. I think he actually might be doing better than Kellin. He saw Oli beating the shit out of you right as I got here. He hasn’t stopped crying,” he pauses, still trying to lift me up. “Erin tried to comfort him, but you know how Kellin is.”

Kellin. It starts to come back. I didn’t kill myself. I almost _got_ killed, but if it wouldn’t have been me, it would’ve been him.

“Tone- Tony,” I gasp, using everything in me to stop him from lifting me off the ground.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here, Vic. What do you need?”

“Don- don’t call- don’t take me-” I take in a huge breath. It keeps getting harder to breathe. When did the air get so thick? “Don’t- hospital- I can’t-”

“Okay, first off, sorry, but I’ve already called the ambulance. Second, funerals are much more expensive than an emergency room. Third, and on that same note, I’m not fucking going to your funeral, so you’re _not_ going to die on me. And I can’t do that to Kellin. _We_ can’t do that to Kellin. We both worked too hard to give up on him now.”

“He- he’s s- _safe_ ,” I whisper. “Th- that’s import-” I can’t get any other words out.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Tony squeezes my hand hard. It hurts, so I gasp out in pain. “Good. I’m glad that hurts. That means you can still feel things. Do you feel that?” He squeezes my hand again. I groan and try to pull my hand away, but I have no strength. “You’re still alive, Vic. You’re going to stay that way as long as I have anything to do with it. You were desperate enough to take that dumb job, I’m just as desperate to keep you alive.”

I really have no strength to do it, but I think I understand enough. “F- f- for K- Kel- Kellin,” I stutter out.

“Yeah, Vic,” there are more sirens now, getting closer, but also sounding blurrier if that’s possible, “for Kellin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters left! Not sure when they will be done. I think maybe I'll have it done by the end of the year. Still have to write them... Let me know what you think so far or how you think it's going to end :) ((I know how it's ending)) xoleighbird


	13. How Do You Know How Deep to Go Before It's Real?

KELLIN

Vic’s been in the hospital for a couple days now, but I still haven’t seen him. Erin asks me every other hour if I want to go, but I’m torn. Oh god, yes I want to see him—to have proof he’s still alive. No, I can’t see him. It’s my fault Oli found us, my fault Vic got beat up, my fault he almost died.

Erin doesn’t say anything when I don’t respond, she just sighs and walks away. Tony has called a few times, but I don’t ask to talk to him—don’t ask how Vic’s doing. The last time Erin left the room to answer the phone, she came back to tell me Vic’s dad went to the hospital—there was no mention of his mom going, but I wasn’t surprised.

I try to put my focus on something, anything else, so I scroll through article after article of nice places to live south of Chicago. I don’t think I could live in the country—the community is too small and would make it easier for Oli to find me again—so I look for busy towns where I can fade into the background.

So far, I’ve narrowed it down to either St. Louis or Joplin. They’re not much warmer than here, but they’re _away_ from here. But every time I try to pick a city, I decide against it. I look at Oklahoma City, but—as I have every other time I look at a town—think of how much Vic would dislike it there, then I remember he’s not coming with me and it doesn’t matter what he thinks. I still decide I don’t want to go there and click the home button on my phone.

Erin comes back into the living room after another phone call, but doesn’t say anything. She walks around the couch and sits on the foot rest in front of me. I stare past her, thinking about hopping on the next train out of Chicago and not caring where I end up and not seeing what I’ve done to Vic before I leave.

“Tony thinks you should come up to the hospital,” she says.

I shift my gaze to actually look at her. Everything about her makes me want to start crying again. She looks so tired, but there’s still love and care in her eyes. She doesn’t deserve to have to take care of me. I shouldn’t have accepted Tony’s offer to stay at the hotel in the first place.

“I think you should, too,” she adds after I don’t say anything. “I think you should be there when Vic wakes up.”

“He hasn’t woken up yet?” I ask. I didn’t realize that. It didn’t even cross my mind to worry about that. “I just assumed-” I start to get choked up. “Is he-”

“No, Kellin,” Erin sighs and leans forward as tears start to spill down my cheeks. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me while I cry. “I promise you, he’s _not_ dead. He’s going to be okay; Vic’s been awake, just not today.” She pulls away from me and wipes the tears off her own face, then mine. “And he’s going to want to see you when he does.”

“Why?” I whisper, unable to produce much of a sound. “Why would he want to see me? I’m the reason he’s there.”

Erin frowns, pauses for a moment, then stands up. She leaves the room for a moment then comes back with a note in her hands. “We were in high school when I first met Tony. He was going through a lot of hard times then, and when we started dating our senior year, he was always so shy around me. I thought maybe he didn’t like me as much as I liked him, but it turned out that he was telling himself he wasn’t good enough, his friends told him he wasn’t good enough, even his parents. It broke my heart to hear that.

“After he told me, though, I told him it didn’t matter what they thought. To me, he was perfect. I learned how to help him get through the tough times. It wasn’t a matter of pushing through it, it was about being there when he needed it and giving him space when he needed that. He’s made me a better person. We need each other to be who we are.”

I look away from her. “But you two _love_ each other,” I think about when Vic told me he loved me, but it wasn’t like that. “He can’t love me. I won’t let him get hurt like that.”

“Kellin, someone would have to be an idiot to not realize how much he loves you,” Erin grabs my hand and places the note in my hand. “I wrote this to Tony after he told me about his depression. It just says some really sappy things at the beginning, but the point of it was to assure him I was always going to be with him, through thick and thin, because I love him.”

After a moment, I say, “Let’s go.” I still want to leave—I can’t be in Chicago much longer—but if I don’t tell Vic how I feel before that, I know he’ll blame himself. I would, I do. But that would hurt him more than anything else I could ever do.

The car ride takes too long, and at every stop light, I think about telling Erin to turn around. This is going to end poorly; I can feel it. What if he doesn’t wake up? Maybe he’s already awake and will avoid me when I get there. What if he actually hates me and Erin is wrong? What if-

“Kellin, you’re gripping the handle like you’re going to jump out of the car,” Erin glances over at me at the stop light.

I look over at the door and see my knuckles turning white. I let go and let my hand relax even though the rest of me isn’t. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she replies, taking off as the light turns green. “Just don’t want to have two people in the hospital.” The laugh at the end reminds me of Vic’s nervous laugh.

I’m surprised she did that because it seemed so light hearted, but everything in me right now is tense. How could she act so calm in this situation?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, Kellin,” she apologizes when I stay silent. “It’s a coping mechanism. I forget sometimes to keep the sarcasm in check,” she laughs shortly again.

“Oh.”

A few minutes later, we pull into the parking lot and find a space near the entrance. Neither of us get out of the car after she turns it off, but it starts to get cold quickly. Now that we’re here, I _really_ want to leave, but I know I have to get this done.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

I nod my head. “Yeah, let’s- let’s go.”

She gets out of the car and waits for me to do the same. We walk in, and I feel immediately ten times worse.

Not once in the two years I was with Oliver did I ever go to the hospital for any of the injuries I got. He wouldn’t allow it. Ghost pains from those times seem to appear all over my body. Bruises on my arms, legs, and sides. Scratches on my back that probably needed a few stitches but were left to heal in the bedroom air after Oli left for work.

I feel it all and remember pleading to be taken to the hospital the first couple of times. Then I learned not to beg for anything that didn’t please him.

Tears are forming from the memories, and I can’t stop them from falling down my face. I mentally shake myself, hoping to focus my thoughts on Vic, but that really doesn’t help. I wasn’t taken to the hospital because of Oli, but he was. And it’s my fault.

“Kellin! Erin!” I hear a familiar voice from the door leading into a hallway. I look up to see Tony’s welcoming smile. He gestures for us to follow him, and we do.

“I’m glad you made it,” he says. He looks more tired than Erin. I wonder if he’s slept at all since he’s been here with Vic. “Lynn’s here. I called her this morning to let her know. Mr. Fuentes came yesterday, but I haven’t seen or heard from his brother,” he fills us in.

“Mike hasn’t been here at all?” I ask. “That doesn’t make sense-”

“Mr. Fuentes said his wife was keeping him home,” Tony answers, looking sadly at me. “Didn’t want him getting into more trouble, he said.”

We stop in front of a closed door with the number 1034 on it. Next to the door, “Victor V. Fuentes” has been written on a sticky note placed on a small board.

“Alright, just to let you know, Kellin,” Tony starts to say as I stare at the door, “if he wakes up while we’re in there, the nurses told me he’ll probably still be very disoriented. He wasn’t very coherent when he woke up yesterday. He doesn’t look very good right now, but the important thing is, is that he’s getting better and will continue to get better.”

“Okay,” I say in a small voice. Images from television shows and movies flash in my mind, making me think the worst. I take a deep breath and hold it when Tony opens the door and leads us into the hospital room.

Even with all the images in my mind, it’s worse than I expected, and I gasp in surprise when I see him. There aren’t as many machines in the room as I thought there would be, but the room is too big. The only bed in here is his and there one chair in the corner. Vic looks smaller than usual in here and paler. It makes me feel sick.

Next to the window, on her phone, is the manager from the hotel. She turns around when Tony walks over to her and ends her conversation. She looks over at me with a frown on her face, and I think she’s still upset that I stayed in the hotel for so long without paying. She could’ve gotten into a lot of trouble with the owner because of me. I’ve caused everyone in this room so much pain and trouble.

“Kellin, it’s nice to see you again,” she says. She takes a few steps towards me, but I step back instinctively. She pauses, then reaches her hand out to me. “I guess I never _really_ introduced myself, and our last meeting wasn’t the best,” she laughs sheepishly. How can she do that with Vic half dead right here? “I’m Lynn Gunn.”

I don’t shake her hand, so she awkwardly runs it through her hair. “Um,” she turns to Erin, giving up on talking to me. “So, I just got off the phone with Pete, and he said that Patrick will be here tomorrow. He can cover your shift if you need some more time,” Lynn glances over at Vic with sadness in her eyes.

I look away from her. She’s making me more nervous. I finally walk over to Vic’s side and stare down at him.

“Also, Tony, I really wish I could do something for you, but I just,” she sighs. “I can’t-”

“It’s okay, Lynn,” Tony responds. “I know. Right now, that’s not the issue I need to focus on, though.” His voice is so soft, it makes me want to cry again.

Staring at Vic makes me want to break down even more. While I’m trying to hold myself together, I hear someone walk behind me, and I tense up.

“Kellin?” Lynn gets my attention. I turn around and look at her, hoping she doesn’t make me feel worse about all this. “I just want to let you know that if I _ever_ see that man again, I’ll have the police on his ass before he can hurt anyone else. I know it’s not much, given the situation,” her eyes flick over to Vic for a split second, “but I can assure you that you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

I know that’s not true, but I thank her anyway. She places her hand on my shoulder for a second, then walks out of the room with Erin.

I feel my hold on my emotions slipping quickly away, but it’s not Lynn’s promise or Tony’s sad eyes that make me break down crying. I drop to my knees beside the bed and blindly reach my hand towards Vic’s. Tony is next to me in seconds, trying to get me to calm down.

“Kellin,” he’s pulling me closer to him. “Kellin, what is it? I’m sorry about not giving you much warning about Lynn being here, she just wanted to help somehow-”

“It- it- it’s not L- Lynn,” I sob, looking back up at Vic. “They- they took his nose- nose ring out,” I cry, even though I know it’s pointless. Why, of all things, did that tip me over the edge? He looks even _more_ innocent without it. He didn’t deserve to find me. He doesn’t deserve to be lying here, almost dead. I do. It should be me.

“Kellin, shh,” Tony pulls me back, and I’m sitting on the floor next to him, crying into his shoulder. “Shh,” he rocks us back and forth.

“This- this is- is all m- my f-f-f-fault,” I choke on my sobs, and that makes me cry even harder. “This- th- It sh- sh- should be me.”

“No, Kellin, you don’t deserve this, either,” Tony whispers.

“Kellin.” It’s barely a whisper, but the voice makes both Tony and I stop moving.

* * *

 

VIC

Everything is dark, but I wake up with a start. I start to feel anxious--the room I’m in is unfamiliar and I have no idea how I got here. There’s something on my face, but I can’t see it. I can’t really see anything because my eyes are heavy with sleep. I blink them a couple of times, hoping to wake up a bit more.

Something’s beeping next to me, and I turn my head to see a machine next to the bed I’m on. Before all the memories line up, the pain starts to remind me what happened. My head hurts, my chest is sore, and overall I just feel like shit.

“It sh- sh- should be me,” I hear the sobbing from the other side of the bed.

“No, Kellin, you don’t deserve this, either.”

I turn my head, and the last fact falls into place in my mind through the pain. Tony and Kellin are sitting on the floor, both of them crying. I still hate seeing him cry. I try to speak, but I’m not sure if any sound is coming out of my mouth. With as much energy as I can muster, I call his name.

Tony’s eyes abruptly look up from Kellin to me. “Vic? You’re awake,” he sounds surprised. “Kellin,” he tries to get him to look up, but he won’t. Do I look that fucked up? Tony pulls Kellin away from his shoulder and points at me.

I feel even more anxious as he slowly glances up at me, but when I finally see his sad, blue eyes, a wave a calmness washes over me. He’s still safe. “Kellin,” I whisper again, smiling.

He doesn’t do anything--just stares at me.

“Kellin, come on,” Tony helps him up and walks closer to me. “Oh, my god,” he laughs. “You almost died on me, you know that, right? I didn’t get to see you yesterday, but really man.”

I smile at Tony’s comment, but my attention is still on Kellin. He won’t look at my face, but his eyes seem to be looking at my hand. I glance down and see the short distance between my hand and his. I try to reach out for him, but all I can seem to do is stretch my fingers in his direction.

He seems to notice my attempt because he closes the distance and laces his fingers with mine. He still doesn’t look at me.

“You have the warm hands for once,” I say, but it comes out like I’ve lost my voice.

He finally looks me in the eyes, but it’s short lived.

“Look who decided to wake up today!” A voice I don’t recognize says.

My eyes flicker to the side of Kellin to see a tall nurse walk around to the side of the bed the machine is on. Once he stops there, I notice there is more than one machine, but it was hiding out of my eyesight.

“I know you have no idea who I am, but trust me, I know what I’m doing,” he jokes. After doing something with one of the machines, he walks back into my view. “My name’s Alex, and I’m your nurse for today. I have a few quick questions for you before the doctor comes in to see ya,” he smiles.

“Alright,” I manage to make my voice a bit louder than before.

“First off, would you rather me call you Victor or Vic? Just to get things started off on the right foot,” Alex smiles, looking relaxed.

“Vic,” I say, feeling more confident with speaking and also feeling more relaxed.

“Alright, Vic, on a scale from zero to ten--zero being none and ten being the worst--how would you rate your pain?”

I look at the IV in my hand that isn’t holding Kellin’s and think about first waking up. I still feel quite a bit of soreness, but I wouldn’t really call it pain. I assume that’s because of whatever is in my system. “Six,” I respond. “But that’s mostly overall soreness and feeling really shitty.”

I feel Kellin’s hand get tense and notice the frown on his face. Was it what I said? It’s not like he made me feel the pain. Does he blame himself? Shit, I didn’t even think about it. Of course he does. He blames himself for everything. It’s not his fault his ex is a jerk.

“Vic?” Alex tilts his head, trying to get my attention.

I look away from Kellin and back at the nurse. “Yeah?”

“I asked if your head or chest is hurting you,” he says calmly.

“Oh, sorry,” I try to pull myself up, but as soon as I do, I feel a sharp pain in my chest and the room starts to tilt a little. “Oh, _fuck_ ,” I whisper through gritted teeth. I groan at the pain, forgetting to answer the question, but I think that did it anyway. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping the pain will go away and the room will quit moving.

“I-” Kellin stops himself from talking, but I slowly open my eyes and look at him. He looks like he’s in more pain than I am.

“Kellin, it’s not-” I start, but I’m interrupted.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, but could you two give me a couple minutes with Mr. Fuentes and Alex?” A man in long white coat walks in and asks Kellin and Tony.

“What?” I ask, not letting go of Kellin’s hand, even though his fingers start to slide away from mine. “Why?” I feel panicked, but when my chest tightens, that pain returns and I let go of his hand.

“Oh, sorry, let me introduce myself. I’m Doctor Way. I was the one who sewed you up when you came in. You didn’t stay awake long enough yesterday for me to get here,” he laughs. I don’t smile because I see how frightened Kellin looks in the corner. The doctor follows my gaze and smiles at the other two. “And how are you two related to Mr. Fuentes?”

“We’re both friends of his,” Tony answers, sticking his hand out to him. They shake hands, and when the doctor goes to shake Kellin’s hand, he backs behind Tony, closer to the door. “But yeah, we’ll step out.”

“Great! I’ll let you know when you can come back in.” When he smiles, it’s all small teeth and crinkles around his eyes. He closes the door behind them. I start to wonder what this will all entail, but I’m far too tired to give anything but Kellin’s reactions much thought.

“Alright, Mr. Fuentes-”

“Can you call me Vic, please?” I ask in a small voice. I feel even more awkward than I should with someone addressing me like that. I just want to make sure Kellin’s okay.

Dr. Way laughs. “Of course. So, Vic, I’m sure Alex has asked you some questions, but I get to ask you more.”

Most of the questions go over my head, and Alex has to dumb them down for me. I get distracted several times by things around me, and the questions have to be repeated. I’m starting to come to my senses--maybe whatever painkiller they gave me is wearing off--and things are coming into focus more including the pain.

Even though I’m starting to get a terrible headache, I read the doctor’s name tag to find out his full name is Gerard A. Way. I’m still thinking about Kellin. Why was he so intimidated by him? Was it just because he was another tall guy with dark hair? He wasn’t that way with Tony when they first met.

A lot of his questions seem to be the same, just worded differently, and by the third time he’s asked me how I feel, I decide I don’t want to talk anymore, but I know I have to.

“I’m still in pain since the last time you asked,” I say, not meaning to sound rude, but it comes out that way. “I’m sorry. I just-” I glance at the door, hoping to see Kellin and Tony again soon.

Dr. Way sets down his clipboard and smiles at Alex. “I think we should go over the last things real quick. Do you want to grab Vic’s friends from the hallway?”

“Sure! I’ll be right back,” Alex replies, a bit too cheery. I wonder if all nurses are this way. I remember the nurses treating Mike like an angel when he broke his leg. I haven’t been in a hospital since then. We weren’t allowed to come when Mom got her hip surgery, so I don’t know if the nurses were like that then, as well.

“Do you have a headache?” Dr. Way asks suddenly.

“Yeah, kind of,” I answer. Now that I think about it, it’s still pretty bad, but I don’t know if it’s because I’ve only just had time to come to my sense since my meeting with Oli or for some other reason. I assume the latter by the doctor’s frown.

“Alright, well, we’ll need to keep an eye on that. Let Alex know if it gets worse, okay?”

“Okay,” I answer as the other three walk in.

“We’re just going to go over what we think will happen over the next week,” Dr. Way announces. “As long as everything goes according to plan, you’ll be out of here in a week. We’re mostly worried about the head injury you got because you had a pretty bad concussion, but we don’t think that’s why you lost consciousness. That was most likely caused by the pain you were facing, but I’m sure the concussion didn’t help.” Alex is the only one to chuckle at the doctor’s remark.

“The broken ribs should heal all right, as long as you’re not jumping around. The stitches will come out in about two weeks, but we’ll have you schedule that later. As far as any other problems you may have, don’t be afraid to call for Alex or ask him to call for me.” He smiles one last time then stands up. He shakes Tony’s hand again and just smiles at Kellin. Both the doctor and Alex leave the three of us alone again.

Once they’re gone, everyone is silent. Tony tries to make small talk a few times, but after the second “Are you sure you’re not in pain?” I don’t respond, and he leaves to go find Erin. Since he left, Kellin and I have sat in even more silence for almost fifteen minutes. I haven’t taken my eyes off him, except to glance at the clock, but he hasn’t looked up from his shoes since the doctor left.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m just that fucked up that he can’t look at me, or if he’s still blaming himself for what’s happened. I know it’s what he would do, and I also know nothing I can say will make him believe me. Nothing has before. I look at the clock again. Now it’s been twenty minutes, and I can’t take it anymore.

“Kellin?”

He lifts his head slightly and flickers his eyes up for a split second, then looks at the ground again. “Yeah?” He responds in a small voice.

“Kellin, why- what’s wrong?” I stretch my hand out to him, hoping he’ll come closer. Last time he took my hand, but this time he just stares at it. “Kellin, I’m sor-”

“No! Stop that, Vic,” he finally looks up at me, tears falling down his face. “Why are you apologizing? Why are you asking _me_ what’s wrong?” His voice rises as he leans forward. “You’re in the fucking hospital because of me! If I had never run away from Oli, he would’ve never found us! If I’d just let him take me, you wouldn’t be hurt!” He pauses for a moment, catching his breath as he holds back sobs. “Why didn’t I make you go with Mike? You two should be safe! This sort of thing is nothing new to me!”

“Kell-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, Vic!” his voice squeaks at the end.

I place my hand back on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

“This isn’t your fault, Kellin,” I say calmly, hoping that if I don’t see him cry, I won’t do the same. I take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself down. I think the only reason I haven’t started crying is because the pain medicine is finally kicking in. I feel so drained from everything. Maybe it’s the pain, maybe it’s the fact that I know I can’t fix Kellin. Either way, I just want to sleep my problems away.

In the silence, I can feel myself falling asleep, but before my eyes can fully shut, I feel a warm hand on top of mine. I open my eyes to see Kellin standing next to me, lacing his fingers with mine again. I smile at our hands, and look up at him. His eyes are puffy from crying, and a few stray tears fall down his cheeks.

“Vic?” he whispers, squeezing my hand in the process.

“Yeah, Kellin?” I yawn.

“Vic, I- I’m sorry this happened,” he takes a shaky breath, “b- but I th- think I- I think I-” he stops and looks me directly in the eyes. He doesn’t say anything else. The possible words hang in the air, but in my drug induced state, the sentence finishes, and I fall asleep hearing “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH, ONE MORE CHAPTER AFTER THIS. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have about a week of nothing coming up, though, so I think I can get that last chapter done, but I'm not promising that. Thanks for sticking around and reading! What do you guys think? Did Kellin really say "I love you" or was Vic just really hoping he said that when he fell asleep? What do you think will happen next? xoleighbird


	14. Don't You Think If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda long and I'm kinda publishing it at 1:20 AM but it's here! The end!

KELLIN

“Kellin, your train leaves  _ tomorrow morning _ , and you still haven’t packed anything,” Erin says while I continue to stare at the St. Louis Wikipedia page. I don’t remember when I pulled up the page or anything I’ve read. 

Once I decided that was where I was going, Erin suggested I learn a little more about it than just “away from Chicago,” but I haven’t moved past the picture of the Arch for a while.

“Kellin?” she sits across from me and raises her eyebrow. She gave me the same look yesterday after she asked if I wanted to go see Vic at Eric’s. After he left the hospital, Tony took him to his friend’s apartment. No one wanted him to go back to his parents house in fear of how he would get treated there. 

I never responded to Erin yesterday. I don’t plan on it now, either. I feel so lost. So empty. I thought I would be excited to finally leave Chicago--to get away from Oli. I didn’t have anything to miss when I originally decided to leave. But now? 

Erin sighs and leans back into the chair. I can still see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I return the sigh as I give in to talking. Out of the three, I’d rather have Erin to talk to instead of Vic or Tony.

“I don’t know what to pack,” I lie. I know that it’s a bit warmer in Missouri, but not really that much in the winter. I know that there’s a hotel room waiting for me--a sister hotel to America’s Suiteheart--where I can stay until I find a place to work and live. I could have packed right after I bought the ticket two days ago. 

It’s been two days since I’ve gotten news from Vic. Tony told us he was taking him to Eric’s. I haven’t seen him since that day at the hospital. I fucked up my once chance to tell him how much I appreciated these past few weeks. As soon as I knew he was going to be staying somewhere he was cared about, I wanted to leave.

“Do you want to go see Vic instead?” Erin asks.

“No!” I shout, then lean away from her. “No,” I answer much quieter. “I just-”

“Kellin,” she gets up and sits on the couch next to me. She places her hand on my knee, and I tense up in response. She quickly pulls her hand away and frowns. “Kellin, will you please tell me  _ why _ you don’t want to see him? Is it because you’re leaving? Is it Oli?” I flinch at the mention of his name.

“No,” I huff. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. “No, I- I can’t- ugh!” I lay my head down on my legs, hoping she might let me get away with not answering even though I know better by now. She’s always making sure I know I can feel safe and is one of the best listeners I’ve ever met. I wish I wouldn’t have had to have met her in this situation. 

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay,” she says, “and I don’t want to try to influence you to answer,” she trails off.

I roll my head to the side to look at her. “But?”

“But Vic’s been asking about you since you went and saw him. The entire week he was at the hospital, he wanted to know where you were, how you were doing, if you were afraid to be around him. And the past two days, I’ve gotten calls from Eric’s house and so has Tony. He’s worried about you, Kellin. He  _ misses _ you.”

I turn away from her again as tears start to well up in my eyes. “He shouldn’t. All I’m going to do is hurt him more than Oli ever could,” I whisper.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I’m leaving!” I yell as I turn to her quickly. “I’m leaving and I don’t want to see his face when I tell him I’m never going to see him again! I don’t want him to get hurt again because of me, and if I tell him that, he’ll be mad at me! I wanted him to come  _ with  _ me even though I knew he couldn’t, but I was selfish and still am! He’s going to hate me when he finds out I’m still leaving after literally almost getting him killed by Oli! I- I can’t tell him-”

I sobbing into my hands. I keep crying as Erin rubs her hand up and down my back. After a moment, she clears her throat.

“Kellin?” she says softly. 

I keep crying, but look up at her.

“I-” she bites her lip. “We already told him you were leaving.”

“What?”

“We knew you weren’t going to call him and tell him. So, last night, when Tony went over there, he let him know-”

“D- did he tell him  _ w- where _ I was going?” the question flies out of my mouth without much thought. “I- I- I don’t want him to know! It’s better for him if he doesn’t know!” 

“Kellin, Kellin,” Erin tries to calm me down. “No, we didn’t tell him that. I told Tony that was completely up to you,  _ if _ you ever spoke to Vic, but I thought it was best that he did know you were leaving.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay,” I breathe out. I look at her again. “Was he mad?” I ask quietly.

“No,” she smiles. “No, he wasn’t. He understood that you needed to get away. All he asked is if you were going to see him before you left.”

I don’t respond. Truthfully, I  _ do _ want to see him. I want that more than anything else in the world. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me, and I don’t think a day will pass that I don’t miss him. But I also hope that the distance will make me less afraid of Oli finding me or him wanting to find Vic.

I feel so confused. “Will you go with me?” I ask.

“If you want me, of course,” she smiles. “Just tell me when you want to go.”

“Now,” I respond.

“Now?”

“Yes, now,” I get up and grab my coat from the back of the couch. “If I don’t go now, I’ll change my mind.”

“I know that, but I need to call Eric first,” she replies, taking her phone out of her pocket. “Since it is his place we’re going to.”

“I’ll call in the car,” I grab the phone from her hand and walk out the door. I get in the car and fasten my seatbelt. I take a deep breath and make myself stay in the seat. Everything in me wants to get out, especially the longer Erin stands next to her door, hesitant to get in.

When she finally does, she starts the car and drives down the road. I open her phone and find her recents. As I click on “Eric Lambert,” I think my heart stops. What am I doing? The phone rings. This is a mistake. We should turn around.

“Erin, turn aro-”

“Erin? Did you need to talk to Eric about something? How’s Kellin?” Vic’s questions fill my mind as his voice crackles through the phone.

“Vic,” I whisper.

“Kellin?” he sounds surprised. 

“Y- yeah, it’s me.” 

Erin looks over quickly. “Did you ask?” She knows the answer already.

“How are you? I’ve missed-”

“V- Vic? Is it okay if we come over?” I feel like I’m going to be sick. 

“You’re coming over?” he asks, his voice sounding hopeful. “Yeah, I don’t think Eric will be home for a while, but I’m sure it’s fine. God, I’m so-”

“Okay, we’ll see you soon,” I hang up after interrupting him. I throw the phone in the cup holder like it has the Plague. 

“So, it’s okay?” Erin asks.

I nod. “Mm-hmm.” I take a shaky breath. “This is a bad idea. He’s going to be so upset with me, I know it.”

“Kellin, you know that’s not true.”

“But what if it  _ is _ ?”

She sighs. “Then, you won’t have to see him ever again after this,” she says bluntly. “If this is terrible, and he gets mad at you for some  _ ridiculous _ reason, we’ll leave, and you’ll be on your way to St. Louis in the morning.”

I don’t say anything. I know what she’s trying to say, but I still think this is going to be bad.

“But if it doesn’t go that way, you’ll be thankful that you  _ did _ come and see him today,” she adds after a few minutes of silence. “And he’ll be grateful you came.”

We don’t talk for the rest of the trip. I know she’s right. I think she does, too, but I’m still nervous to get there.

When we get to Eric’s apartment, I realize I’ve been holding my breath since it came into view. I wait for Erin to get out the car before I do. I follow behind her to the door and stand a ways back after she knocks.

“Yeah! Hold up!” I hear Vic’s voice from inside.

We stand in the cold for a couple of minutes before we hear, “Th- the door’s unlocked. Just come in.”

Erin looks back at me one last time, then opens the door. The apartment is small--even smaller than the Fuentes’s. Vic’s lying on a small, worn down couch on the side of wall. His eyes are shut tight, and there’s a grimace on his face. My stomach drops.

“Vic? What’d you do?” Erin walks over to him and kneels down. I stay near the door.

“I- I’m fine. Just tried getting up to open the door,” he takes a deep breath. After opening his eyes, he smiles weakly at her. “Didn’t go exactly as planned.”

He looks away from her and spots me. His smile gets bigger, but he doesn’t say anything. He starts to lean forward to sit up, but groans in pain before he makes it too far.

“Kellin, are you going to make me crawl over to you?” he asks after sitting up and resting back against the seat. I walk over to them, but as soon as I get there, Erin walks away and sits at the table across the room. 

I look over at her, silently pleading that she doesn’t leave me here alone. She nods her head, and I turn away from her, looking back at Vic, who’s still smiling at me.

“How have you been? I didn’t see you after you visited. I was worried,” he looks over to the empty place next to him. I want to run out the door before this gets worse, but I sit next to him instead.

“I- I’m fine. I was just- I was-” I sigh.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m just glad you’re safe, Kellin. I knew Tony and Erin would take care of you,” he smiles back over at Erin.

“Does Eric have a bathroom in this place?” she asks.

My eyes go wide. “No-”

“Yeah, right next to the bedroom,” Vic gestures vaguely down the small hallway. “I’m not sure you’re going to like the smell though. Eric’s not the nicest smelling person in the world.”

“I work at a hotel, Vic,” she laughs. “I’m sure I’ve smelt worse.”

She leaves us alone.

I feel my nervousness increasing by the second.

“Kellin, is everything okay?” Vic asks as soon as the door closes behind her. His face is now serious. “You’re not having nightmares, are you? Tony hasn’t said anything, but-”

“Vic, why do you always do that?” I groan.

“What?” 

“You always want to make sure I’m okay, even though  _ you’re _ obviously not okay!”

“I worry about you-”

“Yeah, well  _ I _ worry about  _ you _ , too!” I cross my arms across my chest. “What if Oli finds you and tries to finish what he started? What if he hurts you like he hurt m- me? What if he k-” I stop my train of thought and look down at my hands. 

“I love you, Kellin,” Vic says gently.

I know my heart stops this time.

* * *

 

VIC

As soon as I say it, I wish I hadn’t. He doesn’t say anything, so we sit in silence until Erin walks out of the bathroom a few minutes later. She just smiles at us.

The front door opens, and Kellin jumps next to me. The movement makes my side hurt.

“So, we’re having parties here now?” Eric says as he walks in. “You’re not even hurt are you, Fuentes? You’re just faking it to have fun without me.”

I roll my eyes. “You met Erin, right?” I ask. Maybe Eric will distract Kellin from what I said.

“Oh, yeah!” He goes over and shakes her hand. “Listen, I don’t know what he’s said about me since I’ve been gone, but it’s all lies, I promise. Unless he was talking about high school art courses, then it’s all true-” he stops when he sees Kellin. “Oh, I get it! You’re faking it to have your boyfriend over, right?”

Kellin looks away. “Fuck off,” I mumble.

“Hey, did he tell you he brought those pictures I was telling you about?” Eric asks Kellin as he throws his coat on the hook behind the door. “I bet he didn’t,” he glares at me. “Listen, don’t go anywhere. I’m going to grab them,” he runs to his room. “I love showing these off,” he shouts. 

“You love showing off in general,” I say back. I start to feel nervous. I really don’t want Eric to make Kellin uncomfortable. I’ve already managed to do that within the few minutes he was here without Eric.

He comes back into the room and sits on the arm beside Kellin. I can feel him tense up, but he doesn’t flinch away from him.  Eric tells the story about the day he took those pictures as he shows them to Kellin. I heard it when he told Mike years ago and when he told Tony days ago and a few other times, and while some details always manage to change, one part continues to stay the same.

“I’ve never seen someone more in love than when Vic painted,” he laughs as he gestures to the pictures. “Every painting he’s done looks like he loved it more than himself. That’s why I wanted to room with him,” he says. “I hoped some of his passion would rub off onto me,” he smiles.

“Yeah, I think your exact words were, ‘Girls dig the whole suffering artist thing, and since you don’t dig girls, they’ll settle for your cute photographer roommate,’” I laugh.

“Hey, don’t make this all about  _ me _ ,” Eric fakes being offended. 

I finally glance over at Kellin while he’s looking at the pictures. I don’t need to look to see which one he’s looking at. I know by his expression and Eric’s sad smile. He threw paint all over my back for “aesthetic purposes,” so I took my flannel off and revealed the bruises that were on my arms from my mom’s last drunken night.

Eric gives another one to him, but I know it’s too late. I can already tell Kellin wants to ask about it. I see the next picture as Eric hands it to Kellin. This is the one he usually leads with--there’s no paint covering my back and no sad back story to go along with it. It’s the one he always adds “I’ve never seen love like that” to. This time, he says something else.

“Anyway, like I said, I’ve never seen anyone look like that,” he pauses, then smiles. “That is until the art museum the other day.”

“What?” Kellin quickly turns his head to look at him.

“So anyway, what day are you leaving, Kellin?” I ask, hoping he won’t think about what Eric said too much. I glare at my friend before Kellin looks over at me.

“I- I leave in the morning,” he stutters out.

“Wait, tomorrow?” I look over at Erin, surprised. Tony didn’t tell me he was leaving so soon. 

She nods her head. “Yeah, I’m taking him to the train station in the morning. I’ve got to make sure he doesn’t get lost between here and there,” she jokes.

“Would you mind if I came?” I ask Kellin.

He won’t look at me. 

“You can say no,” I whisper to him.

“Well, if you want,” Eric gets off the couch, “Kellin can just crash here tonight, and I can drive the two of you there!”

Kellin’s eyes go wide, but I answer for him. “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think Kell-”

“Can I pack and then come back?” Kellin asks quickly.

I look over at him in disbelief. I thought he would quickly turn down the offer. I doubted he wanted to spend that time with me. He avoids my gaze again.

“Sure, that’s fine!” Eric says.

“Yeah, we can do that,” Erin adds.

“Okay,” Kellin slowly gets up from the couch and walks out with Erin.

I don’t know what to say before he leaves. I look at Eric and he’s just smiling brightly. “I’m such a good wingman, aren’t I?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I grumble.

“Listen, if you want me to sleep on the couch tonight, I will,” he says, then winks at me.

“Eric, could you just stop and think for a moment?” I throw my head back against the seat, which isn’t probably the best decision because the room seems to spin for a moment. “Shit, what am I going to do?”

Eric sighs and plops down next to me. “Vic, I know I don’t know what’s going on--you won’t even tell me who did this to you,” he gives me the side-eye, “but who knows? Maybe he’ll make you as happy as painting used to.”

“You know I still love painting, right?” I turn to face him.

“Really?” he says sarcastically. “Because I’m pretty sure you  _ told _ me you haven’t painted since high school. You haven’t even spoken to me in the past year more than once, Vic,” he frowns, looking away from me. “Which I understand--that happens--but  _ still _ ,” he trails off.

“I’m sorry, Eric,” I bite my lip, not sure of what else to say. Sure, we were best friends in school, but I knew he would never understand why I felt certain ways. I didn’t want him to have to just feel sorry for me like everyone else did when I didn’t go to college.

“You know you could’ve tried to figure out a way to get financial help for school, right?” he asks. I forget that he never knew the full truth behind me not going. 

“There were more reasons I didn’t go, Eric.”

“Yeah, well you never told me  _ that _ either,” he gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen. 

“Eric, if you want me to tell you-”

“Do you want dinner now or do you want to wait until your boyfriend gets back?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I grumble. “And I would appreciate it if you didn’t say that around him. I’ve already fucked up my chance with him,  _ if _ there ever was one.”

“Yeah, okay, well I’m going to order pizza then. It should be here by the time Kellin gets back.” He goes to his room for a moment, calls the pizza place, then comes back out holding a pillow and blanket. “No offense, but I need to sleep with my own stuff if I’m going to be on the couch.”

“You don’t have to do that, Eric-”

“ _ I’m _ not sharing a bed with him, man,” he smirks. “We don’t know each other like that.”

My mind starts racing through several excuses, but he doesn’t give me time say any of them out loud. He grabs my pain medicine from the small table beside the couch and heads back to his room.

“Eric!” I shout, leaning forward. I feel a small pain in my side, but continue to look after him. “Eric, what are you doing?”

He walks back in and smiles as someone knocks on the door. “If you want them, you’re going to have to get them from my room. They’re next to the bed.”

He doesn’t say anything else before the opens the door and walks out. Kellin comes in, not looking at me and keeping his distance from Eric. He sets his suitcase down on the table and finally looks at me. He smiles sheepishly as Eric walks back in with the pizza he ordered.

“Turns out the pizza man was following you guys,” Eric laughs.

Neither of us join in, so he just awkwardly tosses it on the table next to Kellin’s case. He takes out two pieces.

“Well, if you want some, go for it,” he sighs after he finishes eating. “But it’s already getting late, and Tony tells me that the train leaves pretty early in the morning, so I’m going to go to sleep early tonight.” Eric looks over at me and winks. “Which means you’re going to have to give up your spot soon.”

“What?” Kellin’s eyebrows knit together. 

“I’m sleeping on the couch tonight so you two can have the bed. Figured it’d be kinda weird since we’ve only  _ just _ met, Kellin,” Eric jokes.

“Wha- No- I mean, that’s okay, really. I can just sleep on the floor or something,” Kellin stumbles over his words. “I- I don’t want to make V- I don’t want you to have to give up your bed for me. A- and I don’t want Vic to have to move around any more than he has to.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already given him some motivation to,” Eric smiles.

He tilts his head in confusion.

“He moved my pain pills away from me, so if I want them, I have to get them,” I explain, hoping Eric can sense the aggravation in my words.

“Yeah, so if you’re not going to eat anything, given that it  _ is _ already super dark out, I’ll help you move to the room.”

I know nothing will change Eric’s mind, so I sigh and start to lean forward. It hurts a lot, so I stop, hoping I won’t scare Kellin with how much pain I’m in. He watches from the table still as Eric comes over to help me stand up. Once I am up, I put all my weight onto Eric. 

I have been trying to walk around by myself while he’s gone, but it’s a much easier task when he is here. We stumble down the short hallway until we’re standing in front of his too big bed.

“Alright,” Eric mumbles. “You better not have to use the bathroom after I got you here,” he says after I sit down on the mattress. “I can’t believe you made me do that the first night you were here. Right after I’d gone to bed, too.”

“Um, Eric?” I hear Kellin from the hallway. I look over to see him standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around himself. “C- could I ask you a question?”

“Yeah!” Eric practically leaps away from me. “Oh,” Eric sounds like he’s remembered something. “Do you need a water?” 

I look over at the pain pills sitting next to the bed. The one I took earlier today has been wearing off since before Kellin and Erin arrived. “That’d be nice,” I say.

Eric walks to Kellin, and they both exit the room. I can’t hear what they’re saying, and it seems like they are purposefully whispering. I know Kellin talks softly most of the time, but I don’t think I can recall a time when I have ever heard Eric speak so quietly.

A few minutes later, Kellin walks in with his suitcase and sets it down in the corner of the room. He also has a glass of water for me. He sets it down next to the medicine bottle and then just stares at me.

“Eric told me it would make more sense for  _ us _ to share the bedroom since he ‘doesn't know you like that,’” I try to be lighthearted, but I think we both know what all three of us are doing and feeling right now. 

“I- I guess that’s true,” he says, then lets out a deep breath. “But, I don’t want,” he stops. “I don’t want to h- hurt you.”

“I promise, after these pills kick in, I will sleep quite nicely,” I laugh, but it sounds way too forced. I grab the water and medicine and take out a pill.

“That’s not what I meant,” he whispers as he walks back over to his suitcase while I swallow the pill. 

“Well, there’s really no room on the floor to sleep on in here,” I say. “And if I get up in the middle of the night for some reason, I  _ really _ don’t want to trip over you.”

He looks up at me, with sadness in his eyes. “Okay,” he says softly. He grabs some sweat pants and walks back out of the room to the bathroom.

I feel so defeated and try to think of what to tell him while he’s gone. I can’t think of anything I haven’t already told him in the past few weeks, but I can tell I’m starting to zone in and out. 

I hear him walk back into the room, and I open my eyes as he crawls onto the bed and slides under the covers. He stays on the far side, back facing me.

Sighing, I close my eyes again. “Good night, Kellin.”

I don’t dream at all, and the next morning, my eyes open slowly as I feel something--someone--beside me. I look over and see Kellin curled up right next to me. He must have gotten cold in the middle of the night. When I move, he jumps and wakes up immediately. 

I hear someone clear their throat at the door and look up to see Eric smirking at us.

“Rise and shine, lovebirds,” he says. “We’ve got a train to catch in less than an hour.”

Kellin sleepily puts his head back down on the pillow, his black hair spreading around his head. I try to stand up, but when I do, I lazily fall against the wall. 

“Are you okay?” Kellin yawns.

“Yeah,” I respond in the same way. “Yeah, just tired.”

“Y- you don’t have to go,” he mumbles, sitting up in bed. “If you can’t handle-”

I shake my head. “No, I’ll be fine.”

I slowly make it to the living room, grab my clothes from the table, where Eric has so kindly put them for me, and head back to the bathroom. By the time I get done, Kellin and Eric are sitting down, all ready to go.

I don’t say anything as we head to the car. Kellin sits in the back and doesn’t say a word during the drive. I glance back at him a couple of times. Each time I do, I catch him rubbing his eyes. I try to tell myself he’s just tired, but I can’t deny I can hear him catching sobs from escaping every few minutes.

Once we get to the train station, we only sit for a couple of minutes before they’re calling for his train to load. The three of us walk to the platform and find the car he’s getting on. Families and business people walk past us and shove each other up the stairs.

Everything last night and today has gone so fast and now we’re here. Kellin’s actually leaving. Part of me wants to try to convince him to stay, but I know I can’t ask that of him. He has to get away from his life here, I just wish that didn’t include me.

“It was nice meeting you, Kellin,” Eric sticks his hand out. Kellin hesitates, then shakes it. “You’ve brought art--and  _ me _ \--back into my best friend’s life. I don’t think I could ever repay you for that.”

I roll my eyes. “All Eric knows are cheesy lines.”

“Hey, but they’re  _ good _ cheesy lines,” he laughs.

Kellin smiles a little. “You’ve been more than kind,” he says. “Th- thank you. For everything,” he looks down at his feet, then back up to me. “I- I can’t say thanks enough, V- Vic,” he looks away again. “You- you’ve really been a- a- a blessing.”

“Hey, kid, are you getting on the train?” A man leans out of the car and gestures at Kellin. “You’ve got to get on.”

“Ye- yeah,” Kellin stutters. “Just one second.”

The man huffs loudly.

Eric smiles at me, and walks over to him. “Listen, buddy,” I don’t hear what he says after that because Kellin’s reaching forward and wrapping his arms around me.

He hugs me tight, and it kind of hurts, but it feels so great. His head rests on my shoulder as he sobs into my shirt. I don’t try to calm him down, and he doesn’t back away until the man yells at us again.

“I- I- I am going to miss you, Vic,” he quickly wipes away his tears and picks up his stuff. “I- I-”

“It’s now or never, kid!”

“You’ve got to go, Kellin,” I say as I feel tears falling from my own eyes. “I’m going to miss you, too. You’ve been a light for me over these past weeks. I’ll never forget you.”

“I love you, too, Vic.”

“Get on the damn train!”

My face heats up as I watch him run to the stairs and climb into the train. I can’t see him in the windows and don’t have time to search because the train starts to move away. Eric and I stand there together, watching the train leave the station.

“What a beautiful departure, huh?” he laughs. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with him, to be honest.”

I don’t say anything in response, I just start walking towards the exit. Eric catches up easily since I can’t move that quickly anyway. He keeps saying random stupid shit, but I try to block it out. I’m content knowing that what I felt was in some way reciprocated, but I wish it could’ve happened earlier.

“You know, I still want a roommate, even though we’re not at college,” he finally says.

“If you wanted to sleep with me, you should’ve just let him have the couch,” I glare at him.

Eric brightly grins, then bursts into his usually loud laugh. “Oh, man, imagine the adventures we’d gone on if we  _ had _ gone to school,” he laughs, catching me as I start to fall over.

I feel an emptiness alongside of the content feeling. Sure, he loves me, but what is there for me to do with that information now?

As if reading my mind, Eric stops and looks over at me with a compassion in his eyes that I only ever saw when he would talk about my home life, and asks, “What now?”

I sigh, remembering all the other times I used to have a hurting heart. A coping mechanism we shared. “I guess it’s time to make some new art.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! I'm sorry it took so long to finish, but it was difficult for me to put myself into these characters. I wanted to get them right, and I could only do that when I was in a particular mood. I'm so thankful for all the kind words I have gotten while writing this and all of you who have stuck around.  
> Now that I've written this, I want to let you guys know, if you EVER need to talk to someone, you can always message me on tumblr (hypn0tic-spells.tumblr.com). But also, don't be afraid to reach out to those around you for help.  
> Domestic abuse is a real and prevalent thing in our society and should not be taken lightly. I've been able to learn so much over the years about people who have been victims, and I have done some volunteer work for a shelter that helps women who have left an abuser and need a safe place to stay.  
> Another issue mentioned in the story I'd like to bring up is depression. While I haven't personally been affected by abuse, I have been affected by depression (which is part of the reason it took so long to write this). It's so important for you to have someone to talk to. It sucks keeping everything bottled up. I want you all to know how important you are and how much I love and appreciate you. Once again, thank you so much for sticking with me even though I suck at updating. Keep your eye out for new things xoleighbird


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